Why do people have a fear of success?
 

Dean in one of your posts about Goofy you mention that you have had a "fear of failure in business".

I do a lot of training and speaking at seminars on motivation and success both business and personal, and something I always hear other speakers talk about is people FEAR OF SUCCESS.

A FEAR THAT SOMETHING ACTUALLY MIGHT WORK.

I have argued or should I say debated with some very high profile trainers on this subject and I truly think people can have a FEAR OF FAILING and that the FEAR OF SUCCESS is really a mask for fear of failing.

But rather than state my opinion I am very interested to hear your thoughts on this subject? Is there a difference between the two?

Is there really such a thing as FEAR of SUCCESS or are all these fears really masking a fear of failing, not meeting the grade, loosing to the opposition and so on ...

I look forward to your responses..
Jason van Hooft


Don't click here.

Re: Why do people have a fear of success?
 

It has been said by some very astute copywriters and business owners that people will do just about everything and anything to NOT look foolish, stupid, ignorant or incompetent.

You can see this in sales/marketing too.

For instance, there is the dilemma people suffer right after a purchase.

Right away, they ask themselves, did I make a mistake. This is why marketers use "stick" letters, etc.

Post purchase anxieties.

Also, I know that in trading commodities that it becomes very obvious as to whther or not some one is suffering from this same fear.

So, it seems as if this is a learned condition for the most of us. We learn to fear failing in school but we never really are taught that failure has so many benefits.

Taylor

> Dean in one of your posts about Goofy you
> mention that you have had a "fear of
> failure in business".

> I do a lot of training and speaking at
> seminars on motivation and success both
> business and personal, and something I
> always hear other speakers talk about is
> people FEAR OF SUCCESS.

> A FEAR THAT SOMETHING ACTUALLY MIGHT WORK.

> I have argued or should I say debated with
> some very high profile trainers on this
> subject and I truly think people can have a
> FEAR OF FAILING and that the FEAR OF SUCCESS
> is really a mask for fear of failing.

> But rather than state my opinion I am very
> interested to hear your thoughts on this
> subject? Is there a difference between the
> two?

> Is there really such a thing as FEAR of
> SUCCESS or are all these fears really
> masking a fear of failing, not meeting the
> grade, loosing to the opposition and so on
> ...

> I look forward to your responses..
> Jason van Hooft




Build Your Newsletter Subscriber Base NOW!

Fear of Failure and Reaching for the STARS....
 

Hi Jason and Taylor....

Firstly, Jason, I loved your link.... Anything that says "Don't Click Here" is just WAITING to be clicked on... I couldn't help myself! :)

I can only talk about myself here really.... I don't think I have any "fear of success" to be honest, but I do have "fear of failure"....

I don't know if I can generalize this to everybody, though.... (I'm sure others here would know about this than me...)

I also think "fear of failure" is sometimes quite justified....

I think it probably comes down to -- what is the consequence of failing?

For example, if I was Evel Knievel (remember him?) jumping across 13 double-decker buses on my motor-bike, a fear of failure could be quite justified! FAILURE could mean a lot of pain and a long stay in hospital, if I was LUCKY....

BUT if the consequences of failure ain't THAT bad, and the potential rewards are great, then the fear of failure is not really justified.... And you usually have to take a few risks to make your DREAMS come true....

By the way, I think it's good to have SUPPORTIVE people around you....

I hope WE can make this forum such a place! :)

It's easy for people to say "you can't do that.... you'll never make it.... you'll never succeed...."

But what I admire are those who take a chance, who GO for their dreams!

I must admit, when I have future plans, I am a bit selective about who I tell about them.... I only tell people who I know are positive thinkers, who are supportive people.... I don't tell the "cynics"....

A newborn idea or plan, like a newborn baby, is a fragile thing.... it needs nurture and care if it is going to grow, not immediate attacks....

I hope this forum (and the whole site) can become a place where WE can all help each other with our DREAMS....

I'm a dreamer at heart, but I strive hard to make my dreams a reality, and I like to support anyone else who has a DREAM too....

Why settle for the mundane when you can reach for the STARS? :)

It doesn't have to be a new business. It could be a new relationship, a new lifestyle, a new way of helping others -- heck your dream could even be to do theoretical physics.... ;)

Thank you for sharing your thoughts... :)

Dien

Re: Fear of Failure and Reaching for the STARS....
 

> I must admit, when I have future plans, I am
> a bit selective about who I tell about
> them.... I only tell people who I know are
> positive thinkers, who are supportive
> people.... I don't tell the
> "cynics"....

> A newborn idea or plan, like a newborn baby,
> is a fragile thing.... it needs nurture and
> care if it is going to grow, not immediate
> attacks....

I'll add that it is ALWAYS good to get the advice of people with EXPERIENCE in what you want to do.... Good honest experienced advice can be more valuable than money....

By "cynics" I was referring to those people who generally have never tried anything like what you want to do, but feel they know WHY it won't work anyway....

These are the same type of people who said "no machine will never fly," "people will never land on the moon," and "this internet-thing is just a crazy fad"! :)

Talk to supportive people and experienced people about your plans and ideas.... at least that's what I do.... :)

Cheers,

Dien

Re: Why do people have a fear of success?
 

Jason -

In my experience genuine fear of success stems from a fear of leaving a comfort zone, whether financial, social or emotional.

When I was in the Navy, I knew individuals who refused to take advancement tests because they did not want to be promotable. They were comfortable performing at a mediocre level, and they did not want to leave their peer group. They didn't necessarily enjoy their jobs, however, but felt they "belonged" at their level.

As a business consultant, I've encountered owners who would not take the necessary steps to grow their business because they weren't comfortable with the image of being more than a sole proprietor or mom & pop operation. They wanted the increased money, but not the image.

Many people refuse to get out of emotional ruts such as abusive families, debt, etc. even when shown a clear path out, because they don't know what to do without their pathology. They're comfortable with the situation they know.

These could also be examples of fear of failure disguised, but all are certainly puzzling to me when I encounter them.

Take care, Bob

May I interrupt???
 

Jason ~

I too have spoken to groups of salespeople within our company in the past. At one time in my career I was considering engagement speaking. Enough so to join Toastmasters International and eventually Charter my own group.

The hours spent attending dozens of Seminars, company sponsored as well as on my own, have been enormous. Even Nightingale/Conant had me on speed dialer I think too! There are audio cassette packages which are almost worn completely out!

Tony Robbins, Ziz Ziglar, Michael Gerber, Brian Tracy books to name a few...

I realize my opinion wasn't asked for, but this is a topic which absolutley incites me!

It is my belief the "Fear of Failure or Success" is one of the biggest excuses going. Then to top it off... Dang near every Motivational/Inspirational Speaker re-affirms it in the peoples minds by giving it a name and justifying it!

"Yes. Bob has Fear of FAILURE!!!

What malarkey!What Bob has is a lazy butt and he's not willing to do what it takes to get somewhere else. I say lose Bob!!! Hire another!!!

Not everybody is cut out to be in sales... And if they do not have the Desire to succeed, they never will. They may have the want to succeed... But we all now how much "wants" will get you.

Once I spoke in our town on this very same topic to a group of business people in our Chamber of Commerce. It was a riveting talk! Full of emotion, hand movements, facial expressions and voice inflection.

The question was asked from the group, "How do you combat the Fear of Failure???" This just allowed me to climb atop my soapbox!!! ;-)

This happens in sports and life, all the time. If you cannot finish a Marathon run... Does it mean you have a Fear of Failure??? If you cannot hit 60 homers a year like McGuire and Sosa... Does it mean you have a Fear of Success??? If you cannot qualify for a promotion... Which is it??? Fear of Success or Failure???

And if you cannot pick up the phone... Set an appointment... Close a sale... Take a check or cash on the spot... Fear of Failure or Success???

In sports... Some just cannot physically do what it takes, at that time! We need to go back and train harder for the event. And only those with a 'Core Desire' to meet those challenges... Will succeed with more intensive training. Others will never meet those challenges regardless of how hard they train. They simply, physically cannot accomplish those feats.

Same in the Mental Game of Life. Some are just not capable of mentally attaining the heights of success, like those of others around them. Still, many can achieve a high level of success with the proper training.

So to encapsulate this... Fear of Failure/Success just allows others to put a name on it, and feel better about themselves, for not achieving a goal. It's a Politically Correct way of saying it's okay to be an underachiever!

Either you get out and pay the price to achieve the level of success you want... Or you pay the price for not achieving it. Either way... A price is paid! We all know it to be true!

Some individuals are natural Leaders. Some work hard to be a Leader. Than there are those who are going to be followers. Nothing wrong with being a follower. Many of my friends and associates are!

Some individuals will create their own companies and employ hundreds of people. Still others will always work for wages. Again... Nothing wrong with that. But do we tell the wage earner they have a Fear Of Success??? NO!!!

But we tell someone who wants to be successful, but isn't... They have a Fear of Failure/Success! The simple fact is some will rise to higher levels while others simply cannot or will not.

I'd concede to you Jason I'm splitting hairs on this topic... But it just irritates me when I hear someone say, "Bob has a "Fear of Failure."

What Bob has is no desire to do what it takes!

What if someone were to take Gordon's 'Chattel Report - 12 Week Sprint to Freedom'. And never began to sprint??? Never even tried to go out and make a deal to buy something at a garage sale. Fear of Failure or Success???

Gordon made a post the other day about selling meat door-to-door! Just to see "if he still had what it takes" I'm curious... How many people are hiding behind electronic web sites because they don't want to meet people??? If you and I both told "Bob" in order to be successful he had to go sell frozen meat door-to-door. Think he would???

If he couldn't??? Fear of Failure or Success??? I'd say he's just too scared to knock on the door! He hasn't even reached Failure or Success yet!!! Cripes!!! He's scared to talk to someone!!!

And if he could talk to them but couldn't sell... I'd say he needs more sales training! But it isn't a "Fear of Anything" Jason!

You either Do or you Don't!

For too many years the Sales Industry has leaned on this crutch... Kick it out from under them I say, and either they begin to walk and run with the pack... Or fall behind, and get picked off with the old, lame and other cripples from the herd.

Fear of Failure... Sheesh!!!

Excuse me.... I need to go wash this Fear of Failure stench off... :-)

~ Mike

Re: Fear of Failure and Reaching for the STARS....
 

> For example, if I was Evel Knievel (remember
> him?) jumping across 13 double-decker buses
> on my motor-bike, a fear of failure could be
> quite justified! FAILURE could mean a lot of
> pain and a long stay in hospital, if I was
> LUCKY....

Dien... This isn't Fear of Failure. It's Fear of Pain! If he was afraid of failure he wouldn't jump at all. But he doesn't fear failure and he doesn't fear pain.

~ Mike

P.S. I see I should have lkept my initial thoughts to myself!!! Before I made my post to Jason there weren't any other replies! I seem to be in the minority once again! LOL

Success Anorexia...
 

Hello:

A young fellow from Central Massachusetts has written a book on this very subject and it was published by the same company that publishes the Chicken Soup Series.

You can get more details about Noah St. John and his discovery at www.successclinic.com

Best wishes,

Leo




http://www.successclinic.com

Re: Fear of Failure and Reaching for the STARS....
 

Mike -

Actually, your initial reply was right on - a bit blunt, but well put:-)

During my plebe year at the Naval Academy, we had four allowed answers to any order: Yes Sir, No Sir, NO EXCUSE, SIR, and I'll find out Sir.

What that meant was do it or don't do it, but don't give excuses for your actions or lack thereof. Legitimate REASONS spoke for themselves, excuses were just a delaying tactic!

In the business world, if people would take action, do their best, ask for help, try again and quit making excuses, a lot more would get done and a lot of useless emotion avoided.

Re my other response above, upon rethinking the examples, I guess the people were actually happy to stay where they were, or wouldn't exert the energy to change. Still puzzling, but a reality.

Thanks for the plain talk!!

Bob (not the Bob in your example:-))

Most definitely NOT the ''Bob'' in my examples!!!! :-) Sorry!!! LOL (DNO)
 

'> Mike -

> Actually, your initial reply was right on -
> a bit blunt, but well put:-)

> During my plebe year at the Naval Academy,
> we had four allowed answers to any order:
> Yes Sir, No Sir, NO EXCUSE, SIR, and I'll
> find out Sir.

> What that meant was do it or don't do it,
> but don't give excuses for your actions or
> lack thereof. Legitimate REASONS spoke for
> themselves, excuses were just a delaying
> tactic!

> In the business world, if people would take
> action, do their best, ask for help, try
> again and quit making excuses, a lot more
> would get done and a lot of useless emotion
> avoided.

> Re my other response above, upon rethinking
> the examples, I guess the people were
> actually happy to stay where they were, or
> wouldn't exert the energy to change. Still
> puzzling, but a reality.

> Thanks for the plain talk!!

> Bob (not the Bob in your example:-))

Fear of Failure and Driving Yourself to Succeed
 

Mike,

Interesting response, Mike.... when you get up on that soapbox, there's no stoppin ya! :)

Mike... well... I don't agree with all you say....

I think some very successful people can have a "fear of failure"....

Let me tell you how I see it....

I think a "fear of failure" could make you react in one of two ways:

1. You work like CRAZY so you DON'T fail, or
2. You don't work at all so you have a ready EXCUSE why you failed

You were talking about no. 2, which I believe is right, but I believe no. 1 can be a true consequence of "fear of failure" too....

If you HATE to fail, and you don't allow yourself any excuses, then you work like crazy so you DON'T fail....

Or at least I believe that's one way it can work....

Thanks for your speech! :)

Cheers,

Dien

P.S. I have a very good, impeccable source for what I said.... Ever watch that 1980s sitcom, "Family Ties"? Alex P. Keaton (played by Michael J. Fox) was the standard academic overachiever.... and I believe in one episode, he said he worked so hard because he had a fear of failure. Well, how can you argue against this sort of source? :)

P.P.S. Another example, from my own life.... When I was growing up, I got in trouble if I didn't bring home good grades. Well, my parents would show how disappointed (and sometimes even angry) they were with every bad grade, and how pleased they were with every good grade. I had a genuine fear of bringing home those bad grades! It made me (usually) work harder.... You might say I feared the consequence of failure.... and no excuses were allowed!

The "Fight or Flight" Response to Fear....
 

I just thought of something....

> 1. You work like CRAZY so you DON'T fail, or
> 2. You don't work at all so you have a ready
> EXCUSE why you failed

I just realized that this is the standard "fight or flight" response to fear....

Working like CRAZY is the "fight" response....

Not working at all is the "flight" response....

- Dien

Fear of Success a Strange Cookie
 

Jason:

Well, here I go ... jumping into a swarm of male opinions!

A person that I have a great deal of respect for recently asked me if I had a fear of success. I was awestruck! Me? Fear of success? Gawd no! I'm as hungry for success and all its trappings as the next person.

But then we got to talking. And one thing that I got out of our discussion is that fear of success is NOT the same as fear of failure.

I'm not afraid to try whatever it takes to achieve "success." I've gone out on a limb many-a-time in the past to reach that "star." And I've experienced many failures along the way. But I haven't been afraid to get up and try again.

So why don't I have the "success" that I want?

I think one of the posters was "right on" in that we often don't want to leave our comfort level. Those who have a fear of success wonder what life will be like if they become "successful." Will their friends change? Will their lifestyle change? Will they have to dress differently? Will people think differently about them?

Yes, I know. Some of you are probably thinking, who cares? But for those who have this "fear," these things hold a major place in their thinking.

The fear may be totally subconscious -- in fact it often is, which is why I reacted to my friend as I did. But as we probed deeper, I discovered that yes, there was some fear of success floating around.

Hope my little dissertation sparks some thought.

Nan




Find out how to Boost Your Business!

Little Evel Knievel struts his stuff.... :)
 

Mike,

> Dien... This isn't Fear of Failure. It's
> Fear of Pain! If he was afraid of failure he
> wouldn't jump at all. But he doesn't fear
> failure and he doesn't fear pain.

I still think you can have a "fight or flight" response to genuine fear....

For example, kids are always daring each other. I can imagine Evel Knievel as a kid....

Probably little Johnny said to little Evel, "I bet you can't jump over 5 stacked up car tires on your bike."

"Can too!"

"Come on, I dare ya!"

While a number of kids would refuse to do it (flight response), little Evel probably said something like,

"Let me show you, but you have to give me that big clear marble you've got if I do it, okay?"
(fight response, with a bit of entrepreneurial spirit thrown in :)

- Dien

P.S. There's a good Aussie movie called "Strictly Ballroom." While the surface of the plot is about a Ballroom Dancing competition, the underlying story is about FEAR and conquering your fears. A phrase repeated throughout the movie is,

"A life lived in fear is a life half-lived."

If you don't FACE YOUR FEARS and do it, you'll live with that fear for the rest of your life.

the grade thing...
 

>

> If you HATE to fail, and you don't allow
> yourself any excuses , then you work like
> crazy so you DON'T fail....

It's called compensation. There are many people
who "appear" to be successful but they compensate
for feelings of inadequacy by working hard and
making money, going to school etc.
Just because you make a lot of money doesn't
mean you don't have a fear of success or failure.

> P.P.S. Another example, from my own life....
> When I was growing up, I got in trouble if I
> didn't bring home good grades.

Oh my....why did you have to go there? ;-)
Same thing happened to me...had to bring in
all "A's" and now as an adult I have this
trauma: "the need to please"...it is diminishing
however because I realized you can never please
anyone but yourself.

In fact this "over compensation" is the complicating factor in determining my goals
right now. Sometimes I set goals and later
find they aren't really my goals but "goals
my parents want me to have"(substitutes for
bringing home the "a's")

Well, my
> parents would show how disappointed (and
> sometimes even angry) they were with every
> bad grade,

Severe punishments or "whippings" anyone....
now it would be considered abuse... ;-)

Oh...dien why did you have to go there? ;-)

Re: Fear of Success a Strange Cookie
 

Hi Nan,

> Well, here I go ... jumping into a swarm of
> male opinions!

Heheh... we definitely DON'T want this to be a "male-dominated" board.... The more women who contribute the better it can be.... :)

> I think one of the posters was "right
> on" in that we often don't want to
> leave our comfort level. Those who have a
> fear of success wonder what life will be
> like if they become "successful."
> Will their friends change? Will their
> lifestyle change? Will they have to dress
> differently? Will people think differently
> about them?

> Yes, I know. Some of you are probably
> thinking, who cares? But for those who have
> this "fear," these things hold a
> major place in their thinking.

> The fear may be totally subconscious -- in
> fact it often is, which is why I reacted to
> my friend as I did. But as we probed deeper,
> I discovered that yes, there was some fear
> of success floating around.

> Hope my little dissertation sparks some
> thought.

Wow, thanks Nan.... I thought that was pretty insightful....

I had never thought of that, but I can see how that could happen....

For me, there are certain limits to how far I'd want to go. I think I would hate being the kind of person who is instantly recognized on the street.... I think it's nice to have some anonymity while you're going out to dinner or to the movies or whatever. :)

But there's still a long way to go before I have to start worrying about that!

I wonder if I have any "hidden" fear of success somewhere...? I'd have to give that quite a bit of thought....

Thank you for sharing those insights! :)

Dien

Re: the grade thing...
 

Hi Sandy :)

> It's called compensation. There are many
> people who "appear" to be successful but
> they compensate for feelings of inadequacy by
> working hard and making money, going to
> school etc. Just because you make a lot of
> money doesn't mean you don't have a fear of
> success or failure.

Wow.... Sandy, this is spooky.... I probably shouldn't admit this, but you are describing me pretty well....

> Oh my....why did you have to go there? ;-)
> Same thing happened to me...had to bring in
> all "A's" and now as an adult I have this
> trauma: "the need to please"...it is diminishing
> however because I realized you can never please
> anyone but yourself.

"The need to please".... Yes, I often suffer from that too....

I think it often hinders my attempts at "sales"....

But on the plus side, it does predispose me to a WIN/WIN/WIN approach, which I think is a good thing.... :)

> In fact this "over compensation"
> is the complicating factor in determining my goals
> right now. Sometimes I set goals and later
> find they aren't really my goals but
> "goals
> my parents want me to have"(substitutes
> for
> bringing home the "a's")

I think I went through that, but I'm over it now I think.... I did the whole academic thing, all the way to Ph.D. and even working in academia -- which may have been (at least partly) subconsciously to please my parents (who are both academically inclined)....

However, I've finally broken away from that and am exploring new horizons! :)

Sandy, I know you can do that too.... :) (Just coming here I think shows that....)

> Well, my Severe punishments or "whippings" anyone....
> now it would be considered abuse... ;-)

I guess I might have been a little bit luckier.... While I did sometimes get a spanking if I misbehaved, the worst I got for bad grades would be that I'd be yelled at.... My parents would be a combination of angry and disappointed at each bad grade, and if it was bad enough they might yell at me because of it.... But for good grades I got praise and enthusiasm.

I love my parents (don't get me wrong), because I know they had my best interests at heart -- but it is interesting how similar our backgrounds seem to be, Sandy!

> Oh...dien why did you have to go there? ;-)

Well... Sandy, we seem to have a LOT in common.... This is quite amazing! :) (At least to me! I hope I'm not boring everyone else to tears... :)

Thanks Sandy, I've found everything you've said so far to be eerily compelling! :)

Dien

Re: Fear of Failure and Reaching for the STARS....
 

Bob,

> During my plebe year at the Naval Academy,
> we had four allowed answers to any order:
> Yes Sir, No Sir, NO EXCUSE, SIR, and I'll
> find out Sir.

> What that meant was do it or don't do it,
> but don't give excuses for your actions or
> lack thereof. Legitimate REASONS spoke for
> themselves, excuses were just a delaying
> tactic!

Yes, I think that's true.... EXCUSES can be a big problem.... If we don't allow ourselves excuses, I think the better we can be.... :)

> In the business world, if people would take
> action, do their best, ask for help, try
> again and quit making excuses, a lot more
> would get done and a lot of useless emotion
> avoided.

Thanks Bob! That's great advice.... :)

That's one thing I've noticed in these various entrepreneurial stories I've read.... These true success stories just try try try again, whereas a lot of people just try once (if that) then give up....

Thanks :)

Dien

Re: Why do people have a fear of success?
 

Bob,

> In my experience genuine fear of success
> stems from a fear of leaving a comfort zone,
> whether financial, social or emotional.

> When I was in the Navy, I knew individuals
> who refused to take advancement tests
> because they did not want to be promotable.
> They were comfortable performing at a
> mediocre level, and they did not want to
> leave their peer group. They didn't
> necessarily enjoy their jobs, however, but
> felt they "belonged" at their level.

> As a business consultant, I've encountered
> owners who would not take the necessary
> steps to grow their business because they
> weren't comfortable with the image of being
> more than a sole proprietor or mom & pop
> operation. They wanted the increased money,
> but not the image.

I think I can understand what you mean....

I can see maybe two things here....

One might be lack of ambition, and the second might be just that people don't want the extra hassle they perceive could come from increased success....

I'll talk about an example from my own thinking (right or wrong though it may be)....

I have a very old friend who is also in ecommerce. Her name is T.D., and she is the CEO of Bookface ( www.bookface.com ).

(By the way, I've talked with T. about some of the difficulties faced by her being not only a female CEO in ecommerce, but also about the fact that she's pretty young -- I admire women like her who face up to these difficulties and manage to get things going and achieve things....)

By pure chance, our parents are friends and we knew each other well as kids. Recently, we got back in touch....

We are both interested in ecommerce, but from different "angles" you might say.... and she is probably the smarter one here than me....

My friend T. is playing in the big leagues. She has venture capital backing, and has support from such giants like Time Warner. She's doing VERY well! Her plans are ambitious, and I admire her for that! :)

As for me.... I THINK I'd prefer not to have Venture Capital funding, and to keep control. (Though this could just be my ignorance talking here....) That's why I'm working on this "little" project, Sowpub, rather than a bigger project.... (Though Sowpub could expand. :)

I don't have any experience with running a big company, and I'm not sure I would enjoy that.... So I guess for "lifestyle" reasons you might say, I prefer to be my own boss and keep things small (at least for the moment.... I can expand later....)

But I think you can have genuine lifestyle reasons for making such a choice....

I think another reason, Bob (based on what you said) for "fear of success" in the way you are talking about it could just be lack of ambition.... If people are happy with their lives how they are, then I don't fault them for that. Let them enjoy life, I think. :) But if they grumble, then they ought to do something about it....

However, Bob, you've made me think if I should have much bigger ambitions for Sowpub!

Thank you, Bob, for those observations!

- Dien

Nothing is sweeter than...
 

The sweet taste of success!

I play racquetball hard not because I fear failure or losing... But because I enjoy winning!

Success has it's own sweet taste...

I have a Fear of Heights... But I climbed Devils Tower, a 700+ foot cooled core of an extinct volcano located in NE Wyoming. Our country's first National Monument.

Why did I climb it??? I didn't have to!!! Wasn't going to make or break me financially... I was scared to death of falling! My hands sweat typing this post thinking about it!

But I went and did it! And it was the mst exhilarating thing I've ever done! Now I lead climbs and once fell just a tad over 40 foot while climbing the Tower.

Fear of Failure may drive some... But I desire the taste of success... The thrill of a successful closing sale... The wonderment of what's behind the next door...

Fear of Failure or Fear of Success does not, cannot, live in my world. I have chosen to either do it or not. And make no excuses as to why.

I can't dunk a basketball yet I still play. I turned 40 yesterday and my girlfriend bought me rollerblades. I snowboard, rock climb, Mtn. Bike, compete in racquetball and I close sales.

Maybe fear of this or that, just isn't part of my chemistry. I do know I don't understand it.

Knock on the door or don't. If you're going to make sales a career than do everyhting you can to be the best at it you can be. Don't look for excuses or the "Whys".

In or out...

If someone plays 100% on the court I'll partner up with them regardless of how good or bad they are. If someone highly skilled isn't putting forth their best effort, I'll look for someone else.

Like I stated earlier... Maybe it was best to keep this one to myself!

~ Mike

Mike, I think we're actually pretty similar in that way....
 

I think we may be just using different terminology!

I love to push myself to the limits (though I usually do this more in my "achievements" than physically....)

I like to see how far I can go :)

There seems to be an adrenalin rush sometimes associated with it (even with more intellectual achievements, believe it or not -- if you physically push yourself hard enough)....

When I read what you wrote -- and translated all the physical stuff to "achievement"-oriented stuff -- I could relate to it completely.... :)

As you know, I did a Ph.D. in theoretical physics. There were a couple reasons why I did it.... One was that I did find some physics interesting. But the other reason was because it was DIFFICULT. I wanted to see if I could do it! (That's why I picked theoretical physics that is -- it's a difficult subject.)

During my Ph.D., I submitted my first paper for publication before my first year had gone by. That's pretty rare, and I didn't need to do that. But I did.... Why? Because I wanted to see if I could! I liked the challenge!

I must admit, my foray into ecommerce has multiple drives behind it.... One is a "lifestyle" and financial drive. The other one is I want to see if I can do it!

So.... Mike, I think we're actually pretty similar in some ways. I think we may just be meaning different things when we say "fear of failure"....

Mike, I admire and respect people who push themselves to the limit! :)

Dien

Introvert vs Extrovert
 

Nan ~

We all know what they say about "opinions"!!! ;-)

But I'm not so calloused I don't empathize with those who are not comfortable stepping out into the limelight.

Public speaking is a big fear of many... And it is putting yourself out for criticism in a big way. Same as for posting on the boards... I've made many posts over the years and still use my own name and original, valid, paid for, e-mail addy. No aliases... No Hotmail accounts.

And I've taken flack on the boards and have received notes of support at the same time. Many lurk because they are afraid someone will berate them, their post, or their opinions with a vengenace!

Some people are shy... My oldest daughter being one of them. But that's all she is... Shy. No fears... She plays high level volleyball and has colleges looking at her now. She's the captain and leader of her team. But she is as shy as they come.

My youngest daughter is a wild woman!!! Nothing she won't do or try!

Two extremes right in my own family. I agree with your post.

What I disagree with overall is the fact people want to give this a name... Fear of Success or Failure. Does my daughter have fear of either because she just isn't comfortable speaking in front of a group??? Or commanding a company???

She's comfortable leading her VB team!

Everyone has their own built in limitations and handicaps... Although now we refer to handicaps as "Challenged".

The guy cannot walk because he had polio... He's NOT "Challenged"!!!

Stephen Hawkens resides in a wheelchair unable to move or even speak without computer aid. Here is a man who is crippled from a disease, making a success out of his life.

It always seems to me when Liberals give something a name... It then becomes a "Cause". Next thing you know we are going to have "Fear of Failure Awareness Week". Complete with ribbons, and Jane Fonda all-night marathons, raising money for this cause.

Just admit it's uncomfortable and we don't like doing something... That's what I say! "I ain't doing this!!! I don't like it!!! Don't want to!!! Don't have to!!!" Pure and simple.

Too many attorneys in this world and I belive too many therapists. I wonder if Fear Of Failure/Success will soon be a recognizable disability in the sales industry. Just like "burnout" for air traffic controllers. ;-)

Well this is my last post on the topic Nan! LOL

As usual... I'm all alone in my corner!!! :-)

Here's to you Nan!

~ Mike

Re: Introvert vs Extrovert
 

Hi Mike,

> Many lurk because they are afraid someone
> will berate them, their post, or their
> opinions with a vengenace!

Yes.... I know that's true....

That's one reason why we wanted this "no insults or personal attacks" policy.... So (hopefully) people can speak freely....

It's OK to disagree (we wouldn't be human if we didn't sometimes have different opinions), but we can do so in a respectful way....

Thanks Mike, again.... I always enjoy your posts.... :)

I believe different viewpoints are valuable.... If everyone always agreed, we'd probably learn a LOT less.... :)

- Dien

WOW! Thanks for your responses ...
 

It seems this subject can strike a nerve and does have a personal ellement to it.

Whilst I agree with some comments made, others I disagree - the point is we all have our own thoughts and opinions which leads me to conclude ...

That a fear of success is not as clearly defined as some people state it is.

I personaly still have trouble clearly understanding a "Fear os success". Whilst I understand that some say people they don't want to step out of their comfort zones and don't want more success, I think its peoples fear of how they will handle success that hold's them back.

In my mind it all relates back to fear of failing once. Even if you know you can succed to the next level a fear of reaching it and having to take the next step, and possibly fail then is a fear fo success.

Mike, I loved you comments. I too like to "have a go at everything even if sometimes I'm afraid". I just have a need to experience differnt feelings and emotions. That in itself drives me and gives me energy.

It's called ....LIFE!

Thanks everyone for your comments on this subject, I might print out this thread and take it along to my next speaking engagement - I love a good argument ...er ... debate!

Lot's of success to you all...
Jason


Please don't click here - especially you Dien!

Re: Why do people have a fear of success?
 

Dien -

Glad I could stir your "little grey cells" as Poirot would say :-)

I understand your dilemma as I've played on both sandboxes - big business as a corporate officer and small business as my own little company of one.

I enjoy writing on the larger stage of big business, but despise the requisite bureaucracy that accompanies it. I also enjoy the relative freedom of being a virtual consultant, with lots of interesting jobs, but relative freedom from supervision and restraint (except those of the clients which I rationalize as part of doing business!).

In my humble opinion, you should make SOWPUB as large as you feel comfortable, and then extend by 50% more. Stretch your dreams and actions to see if you fit a larger stage. If not, at least you've tried it on. If so, then you've not limited yourself.

BTW, these words apply to me and my ventures too, so thanks for the reflection in the mirror.

Take care, Bob

Re: Fear of Failure and Reaching for the STARS....
 

Dien -

It's in good old Newton's laws again - those that make excuses continue to make excuses as they continue in the same path.

Those that have some stimuli and energy (positive or negative) acted upon them, will of necessity change course, for good or bad.

In my opinion, change for change sake is not good - if one is truly happy in their lot in life, then God bless and let live.

However, if someone grumbles inordinately without taking action, then a little negative KITA (ala Peter Drucker) is in order and can help move them along their Path of Life.

NO judgement, just observation, 'cuz I've had a lot of negative KITA (i.e., Kick in the ****) applied to me by life so far. Very humbling! :-)

Take care, Bob

Re: the grade thing...
 

Sandy -

In a different way, I also have been burdened by the "grade thing".

I was born premature and lucky to live, so that from my earliest memories my mother (bless her heart) promised God that I would be special and amount to great things.

Now, that sounds fine on the surface, but "special and great" changes meaning as we grow up and evolve.

For my mother (as a single parent as my dad died when I was seven) I achieved greatness when I graduated from the US Naval Academy with honors a while back at age 22. She still applauds that accomplishment.

However, for me, every time I achieve something good, a little voice says, "This isn't good enough - you must do better to fulfill your destiny and your mother's promise to God!" And I'm not even very religious :-)

Now that's a good thing, since it drives me onward and upward, but it's a bad thing since I don't know how much is enough! Luckily, I've recognized its insidious impact on me and have done a lot of introspection and soul searching to counteract this unyielding voice within me that says I haven't done enough, no matter how much I accomplish. Sometimes, enough is enough!

I guess my point is that even the most positive message, when allowed to run amuck in the subconscious, can become an unreasonable force in our lives. Self awareness is a powerful counterforce. Introspection is key. And taking action and achieving YOUR OWN goals is an antidote.

So my advice is to step back, acknowledge your accomplishments to date, and consciously choose your next direction in life. Do it for YOU, not for ghosts of the past or chimeral rewards.

Regards, Bob

Re: Nothing is sweeter than...
 

Mike -

I know what you mean. I was in Las Vegas at at conference staying at Circus Circus (I don't recommend it!). I kept hearing these screams outside my window and saw the 18 story bungie jump tower!

Well, I just had to try it and jumped - scared to eath the first time, but enjoyed the other five jumps (sixth one free:-)). What an adrenaline rush!

I did it because I was bored with the conference, but more than that, I needed to shake up my psyche - not to be macho, but to prove to myself that I could meet a new challenge and overcome a natural fear of onrushing pool surface from 18 stories ;-0

In my opinion, it's looking for and meeting new challenges in life that make life worth living. And it's not bungie jumping, dirt biking, sky diving or anything else - it's whatever brings out the adrenaline and adventure in us and makes us feel alive again.

So, I recommend stepping off the metaphorical 18 story tower in one's life and renewing one's sense of aliveness!

Take care, Bob

Re: Introvert vs Extrovert
 

Mike -

Well said, especially about the perpetuation of life's discomforts as liberal causes! It seems that we in the USA today are trying to legislate and regulate all the "danger" out of life in every area. It's a pet peeve with me.

Life, to be interesting, has to have an element of uncertainty and (yes) danger to it to be worth living. More regulation means less freedom of choice, which bleeds from "acceptable" causes to our daily lives.

Keep up the posts, my friend - you're not alone in your corner!

Bob (remember the Boston Tea Party!) Beckman

Thank YOU Jason
 

You picked a great topic!

While I may have gone a bit wild with all my responses everywhere, I've learned a lot too....

It's been an eye-opening experience!

Thanks for starting it all off.... :)

- Dien

Re: Nothing is sweeter than...
 

You sound like a person who really has
your life together. I'm glad you're posting
your opinions. Now, what I'd like to know
is what factors and or key things happened
in your childhood which promoted your ability
to take risks ?

Obviously, you are not like the masses of
people who are reading self help books galore.
I'm interested in learning more about the
messages, influences etc which you feel contributed to your outlook on life.

In some ways you sound a