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-   -   Three Part Post....actually a RE-post from Oct. 13, 1999 (http://www.sowpub.com/forum/showthread.php?t=9940)

GordonJ August 5, 2017 12:43 PM

Three Part Post....actually a RE-post from Oct. 13, 1999
 
This comes from last century, when I had a little farm on Dave Bancroft's Big Ranch, I was a small potatoes guy on the back 40, a plat (I think) was known as profit.org.

Anyhow, one of the first posts about the revised Square One Workshops.

**********
SO. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WHEN YOU GROW UP?
by Gordon Jay Alexander

SQUARE ONE WORKSHOP on finding your IDEAL career, business. or (gadzooks) job.
Welcome! You are about to find out what you want to be (or do) when you finally grow up. And it doesn't matter if you are 20 or 70+. If you have the feeling that your REAL life is passing you by, then this is for you.

The reason most of you are here is simple, and complicated. Basically somewhere along your life's path, you got to BUSY, to involved with your life, you didn't have the time to figure out what would make you permanently happy.

First thing, I AM NOT A COUNSELOR, of any kind. Not career, vocational, guidance or job. In fact I have mostly contempt for these people. Many career counselors with Ph.D's and Master Degrees in counseling have NEVER held a job in their lives. But they know how to give expensive tests. Which for the most part mean nothing.

I've visited over 150 "career guidance" sites on the Net. 149 of them suck. You can pay from 250.00 to over 5,000.00 dollars to take a battery of tests that tell you what your aptitude is. Or MAY be.

Perhaps you have never heard of me. Let me introduce myself. I'm Gordon Jay Alexander, the guy who asks; "WHAT DO YOU WANT?". For some, it is an annoying question. Because you don't know. And then of course, I ask another question, "WHY DO YOU WANT WHAT YOU DO?"

So even if you can answer the first question, then I annoy you with another one. Yes, I can be a royal pain in your neck, (or even lower).
But I mean well. And although we have never met, I'm going to treat you the same as I would my family. And hey, I sometimes annoy them too. But I always love them.

Now this is an INTRODUCTION. You want to "cut to the chase" and get into the "tests". But this is one time where the introduction is as important, if not MORE IMPORTANT, than the rest of the work.

You need to understand a few things, and to know where I'm coming from and what I offer to you. And having said that, here goes.

If you came here expecting to take an "aptitude" test, you are going to be disappointed. See, I'm ANTI-APTITUDE. Let me explain.
Aptitude testing was started by the government during the depression. When millions of people were out of work, and this was one way to "help". And what this type of testing does is to reduce you to LISTS. Abilities, aptitudes, skills, interests, etc. Then when you are a list, you are matched to another LIST of jobs or careers that utilize the list.

That's aptitude testing in a nutshell. And there are dozens of 'instruments' or tools as the so-called professional counselor uses to determine what list you belong on.

Now there are TWO huge problems. First, tests are standardized. And they are impersonal. Can you see anything wrong with that? I can.

You are UNIQUE. A one of a kind. And the best thing that aptitude testing can do for you is to reveal some hidden talents or skills you may not be aware of. This is not a bad thing. But it is in most cases USELESS knowledge.

There is a much better way. That is what I'm going to give to you today. A better way. Now I have to take a few minutes to explain where I've learned this, and how what I know can help you.

I was born with a severe speech disability. I was one of those kids that got called out of class when the speech teacher was there for a few hours. All the way into high school. Very humiliating experience.

I was also part of research studies at Kent State University. I sat across the desk from speech pathologists, audiologists, psychologists, re-hab workers, and and every professor looking to score a lucrative research grant. I was tested, evaluated, re-tested and put under the microscope for several years.

But then I had a remarkable experience. In junior high school.
We had taken a battery of aptitude tests. This was to "help" us choose classes in high school. The meeting with my guidance counselor lasted about two minutes.

He said, "Well it's obvious you're not college material, and you're too dumb and uncoordinated for shop, take whatever you want in high school, chances are you're going to DROP OUT anyhow." That followed by, "Next".
Talk about low self esteem. Until I told my good friend Carl Stevens about this and he laughed. Carl was brilliant, a top student and athlete. Carl said, "The guy who washes the Indians jock straps, has a better job than that frustrated S.O.B. Ford, who probably ain't getting any at home and is taking it out on us."

Carl had a way of putting things in perspective. Then he added, "You are lucky man, you can pick classes with good looking girls in all your classes, I'm stuck with all the egg heads and brains." Some more perspective I hadn't thought of. Suddenly I was feeling better about my "aptitude scores".

But because of what the guidance counselor said, I became obsessed with tests and how they show abilities. I asked my classmates about their evaluations. Most said they really didn't want to be or to do what the aptitude tests showed, but if that is what they were good at, then they were going to pursue that. Half-heartedly I hasten to add. How many 14 year olds know what they want?

Hey, how many of you 50 year olds know? Welcome to the club, that's why your here, RIGHT?

So, anyhow, I enjoyed a very eclectic high school schedule. And gosh darn, I DID have the good looking girls in my classes. Although that was important at the time, I discovered there were many girls that had been told that they weren't much good for anything either. I discovered the fallacy of aptitude testing at a young age.

Continued in next post.

GordonJ August 5, 2017 12:49 PM

Part Two
 
Cont.

****
Now I did try to drop out of school, several times. But there was a man who kept influencing me to go back. He was a Navy recruiter who convinced me that a 'guaranteed school' due to a high school diploma, was a better deal than being the low man on the totem pole of an aircraft carrier, where I would spend my days scrubbing out toilets, or worse yet, the grunt seaman they put on a river patrol boat in Vietnam.

My recruiter made some convincing arguments about the benefits of a high school diploma. So I stayed, and by some miracle (like them kicking me out) I graduated, and was thus able to join the Navy.

I enlisted for 6 years in the Nuclear Power program. There was only one hitch my recruiter told me. I would have to take a "battery of aptitude" tests in basic training, and if I didn't pass, then the Navy would still guarantee me a school, but NOT nuclear power or electronics, and I would only have to serve four years. He said not to worry about that, he assured me I was intelligent enough to pass the tests.

Armed with this information, I caught up on some sleep the day the aptitude tests were given. And a couple of weeks later, some grim faced Petty Officer told me I wasn't smart enough to get into nuclear power school, but they would honor the guaranteed school part, and I would only be in 4 years. My oh my, what a disaster, I had to repress a belly laugh.

I picked cooking school in San Diego which is where I wanted to go and what I WANTED TO DO since my junior year. Thanks to being dumb, and not having the aptitude for nuclear power, I GOT EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED.

Once I got to cooking school, I then volunteered for the Submarine Service. And cooks on submarines didn't have to be smart. They were needed. And I again got EXACTLY what I wanted.

Because I KNEW what I wanted.

Now this is the first KEY for you to take notes on. Knowing WHAT YOU WANT AND WHY YOU WANT IT is what I call Square One. That is what I want to do for you, help you find out once and for all what it is you want. Then and ONLY then, can you learn how to get it.

What is the IDEAL business for you? Or the IDEAL career? Or the (gasp) IDEAL job?

It is the one that satisfies your most INNER BEING. It is the one that you can't wait to do, feel good about doing, take pride in, and helps define you as a person. How many of you TODAY, want to be defined by your work?
I don't see many hands in the air, so I'll assume, once again, that is the reason you have paid me a visit, to LEARN what activities are going to give you all the things you REALLY need in your life to live a HAPPY, PROSPEROUS, AND FULFILLED LIFE. Sounds good?

Your IDEAL is wrapped up in three areas.
  1. Heredity
  2. Environment
  3. Desires
Of the three, DESIRE is by far and away the most important. But the first two can not be ignored. They are often the reasons that PREVENT you from fulfilling your full potential. They are hidden, built in limiters on a lifetime of activity, and most of you are totally unaware of these secret forces.

A burning DESIRE, coupled with MEANINGFUL action in the direction of your goal, is the KNOWN FORMULA for getting what you want.

Where most of you fizzle, is finding that BURNING DESIRE.

There are times when you may catch fire, get motivated and pumped up about an idea or a business opportunity, only to work hard and FAIL, or quit or simply give up before you reach your goal. Ever attended a seminar that made you feel great, got you excited, for a few days, or weeks. Then what?

Then came the daily MUNDANE activities that are so often needed in almost every type of business. Mundane acts that we HATE to do. So we end up not doing them.

Many people continue this pattern that runs their life, may even be ruining your life. Where do these patterns come from.

Well, this is where it is important to take a peek at your environment and hereditary factors. Most so called counselors totally ignore these influences, and try to convince you that if you find your aptitudes and abilities and match them to some job or business opportunity, that is all there is to it.

But, as in the example above, we can not run on enthusiasm for very long if we are not prepared to do the mundane along with it. And the reason you may not be ready to do whatever it takes, lies hidden in your past.

See most of us never consider what influences are at work when we make decisions about careers or jobs or businesses. We don't recognize that we may have been greatly influenced in our childhood, and that those influences lie buried beneath the surface of our consciousness.

CONT in part 3

GordonJ August 5, 2017 01:03 PM

Part Three
 
Let me use myself as an example.

See when I was young, I was told by many adults that I would not be able to speak and to be understood. This was reinforced by taking all those speech sessions in school and doing all those mouth and tongue exercises. I was forced to do it, but at the same time what I was hearing was how terrible I was at speaking. So here is a surprise, I went for months on very few words. And even today, in person, I am a man of few words. Which explains why I get wordy in writing.

Now add to this childhood ENVIRONMENT my heredity, which includes certain neurological disorders. I have Attention Deficit Disorder. My nephews have it, and one has Tourette Syndrome. Many of my cousins have children that have been legitimately diagnosed as ADD Hyperactivity. But I did not know this growing up, and in fact only learned about it a few years ago, when my nephew was diagnosed.

It was like a light bulb was turned on, and it explained so much of my life, like why I've had a million jobs, and can't stay focused on things.

Oh drat where was I.

OH, OH, If I had someone that would have made me examine my childhood and inherited characteristics somewhere along the way, I could have saved years of struggle seeking my place. Like many of you are doing now.

You are looking for your place in life.

NOW, some are looking for a business, or money making opportunity, the RIGHT ONE. Because if you choose the wrong business, it is very easy to become a slave to your business.

Here is the assignment.

Get a few sheets of paper. Draw a time line across the center. Then write 1 to 12 across the top. These represent your first 12 years of life. Then below each number, write out the year, where you lived, what school you attended. Do that for each year up to 12. If you lived in the same place for the whole time, then this will be easy.

Now write down the names of all the people that were in your life during this time. Include mom and dad, or foster parents, or adopted parents, brothers and sisters, friends, Anyone and everyone you can think of.

Try to do this quickly, without emotion, without falling into a state of either pleasant or unpleasant memories. The point of this exercise is to SHOW you what the major influences were in your life at the critical DEVELOPMENT periods. Because who and what you are today, is for the most part, the same person you were when you were 12.

Ideologically speaking. These are the hidden forces that you may have never considered.

Now also, on a different piece of paper, write down all the information that you can about your parents, grand-parents, or if you were adopted or a ward of a state, write down the names of all adults that in your life during these years.

Now, remember, we are not looking for trauma or emotional memories, just the facts Mam, just the facts.

Why should you do all of this busy work? Because in going through this process, it is very possible for you to uncover some of those forces I talked about,

forces that could doom you before you even start a project.

Knowing what you know about me, do you think that as a younger man it would have been a good idea to go into any business that required a lot of talking or speaking? Yet I did.

And I had a lot of failure in those early years too.

End of original post.



Gordon

Dien Rice August 19, 2017 11:38 AM

"Your income will be the average of your 5 best friends..."
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by GordonJ (Post 38402)
Now write down the names of all the people that were in your life during this time. Include mom and dad, or foster parents, or adopted parents, brothers and sisters, friends, Anyone and everyone you can think of.

Try to do this quickly, without emotion, without falling into a state of either pleasant or unpleasant memories. The point of this exercise is to SHOW you what the major influences were in your life at the critical DEVELOPMENT periods. Because who and what you are today, is for the most part, the same person you were when you were 12.

Hi Gordon,

This made me think of the following...

There's the claim that, your income will be the average of the income of the 5 people you spend the most time with.

I don't know if that's precisely true, but the gist of it may be true in many cases. That's because our friends and family influence us.

I have friends who are of the opinion that, if someone made money, they must have made it by doing something unethical. I think that point of view is completely wrong. But I can see how, if you were surrounded by people who think like that, you might think like that too.

And if you think like that, it will hold you back. Why? Because you won't want to make any money, as you will believe it must be unethical!

Here's why it's wrong. Many people make great money because they are very good at what they do, 100% ethically.

Roger Federer makes a lot of money from winning tennis tournaments, and from sponsorships. He didn't "screw" anyone over to do it. He just worked hard, and combined with some natural gifts, he's arguably the greatest tennis player in history.

I've met several people who've made a lot of money. Some of them are unethical, but others are in fact extremely highly ethical. (And then there are others in-between.)

The ones who made their money ethically are the ones who, I think, sleep best at night. The unethical ones are always worried if one of the people they screwed will try to come for them to get revenge.

Those who made money ethically often solved a problem for people. If you can solve a problem for people - and if you have a "toll position" in place - you can make a lot of money, 100% ethically, with very happy customers.

Anyway, those are some thoughts your post triggered... Thanks for sharing, Gordon!

Best wishes,

Dien

GordonJ August 19, 2017 12:44 PM

The 7th Cialdini Principle:
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Dien Rice (Post 38461)
Hi Gordon,

This made me think of the following...

There's the claim that, your income will be the average of the income of the 5 people you spend the most time with.

I don't know if that's precisely true, but the gist of it may be true in many cases. That's because our friends and family influence us.

I have friends who are of the opinion that, if someone made money, they must have made it by doing something unethical. I think that point of view is completely wrong. But I can see how, if you were surrounded by people who think like that, you might think like that too.

And if you think like that, it will hold you back. Why? Because you won't want to make any money, as you will believe it must be unethical!

Here's why it's wrong. Many people make great money because they are very good at what they do, 100% ethically.

Roger Federer makes a lot of money from winning tennis tournaments, and from sponsorships. He didn't "screw" anyone over to do it. He just worked hard, and combined with some natural gifts, he's arguably the greatest tennis player in history.

I've met several people who've made a lot of money. Some of them are unethical, but others are in fact extremely highly ethical. (And then there are others in-between.)

The ones who made their money ethically are the ones who, I think, sleep best at night. The unethical ones are always worried if one of the people they screwed will try to come for them to get revenge.

Those who made money ethically often solved a problem for people. If you can solve a problem for people - and if you have a "toll position" in place - you can make a lot of money, 100% ethically, with very happy customers.

Anyway, those are some thoughts your post triggered... Thanks for sharing, Gordon!

Best wishes,

Dien


Most of us know Robert Cialdini via INFLUENCE and other works, but his latest "7th Principle" as found in PRE SUASION is:

the UNITY PRINCIPLE: The more we identify ourselves with others, the more we are influenced by these others.

Look no further than current events to see this principle in action.

OH, and I have a new HOTSHEET on Persuasion. 5 bux. For all my bookmarks and book suggestions. One page with links to articles, sites and books. Send me an email.

Gordon


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