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-   -   How/where do you find confidence without security?... (http://www.sowpub.com/forum/showthread.php?t=7972)

-TW February 21, 2012 05:30 AM

How/where do you find confidence without security?...
 
Most people's "confidence" comes from (whether they know it or admit it) their ability to "FLOAT" upon a certain amount of financial security.

Is it possible to maintain some level of confidence WITHOUT the ability to "float" upon some financial security?

When you've run out of "vines" to swig from/to, where does faith/confidence come from?

About 18 months ago I sold one of my 2 houses. Just before it sold, I was CONVINCED it would never sell (market was VERY bad). A friend of mine who has a lot of RE experience came over -- I expressed my desperation/hopelessness. He very calmly said, "Someone will buy your house." At the time I was sure he was NUTS to say that! I was CONVINCED my house would NEVER sell!

He was right + I was wrong (thank God).

I've been doing a lot of thinking about where this faith comes from.
The wondering can be summed up by asking this analogous question...

What will be the expression on your face the MILLI-SECOND *BEFORE* the lifeboat you've been adrift in, finally gets RESCUED??? THAT facial expression is what I mean by the faith/confidence one "floats" on during IMPOSSIBLY DIFFICULT TIMES.

How does one go from being sure one will NOT be rescued (maybe rescued is a bad analogy -- implies solutions come from without, not within!), to being sure one WILL be rescued?!? (when there's no evidence to support one outcome or the other).

I'm sure all entrepreneurs go through this at one time or another -- when the "deck" seems to be stacked against you.

-TW February 21, 2012 04:19 PM

Or don't you? (DNO)
 
kjgfkhgf

Bozo February 22, 2012 01:24 AM

Re: How/where do you find confidence without security?...
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by -TW (Post 30132)
When you've run out of "vines" to swing from/to, where does faith/confidence come from?


I think what you're trying to get to here, is a lack of worry. I don't think that's possible.

Confidence is something other people see, so you can fake that. Worry is strictly internal, and I don't think you can eliminate it.

Your RE friend had confidence that the house would sell, but he had no skin in the game and so could afford to be confident. When it's your skin, worry comes with the program.

I think it's ok to worry, even natural and unavoidable. But, it's what you do while worrying that determines the outcome.

Let the worry consume you and you won't be able to do anything but worry.

Be worried, but keep hammering away at a solution, and you may come out ok in the end. Or not. All you can do is keep trying.

Even when you're supremely confident in a good outcome, your whole world can turn to crap in an instant. Confidence is no more valuable than worry.

The best you can do is keep flying the plane until the noise stops.

.

-TW February 22, 2012 03:26 AM

Re: How/where do you find confidence without security?...
 
Yes - exactly! It's not confidence, but FREEDOM from worry I seek.

So, everyone (else) who seems not to be worried, is faking it (?)

I was going on the hope I could someday reach that level of not worrying -- or at least worrying less!

You're saying that level cannot be achieved? (so I should give up trying (?))

If so, life sucks worse than I thought. I thought it was just ME suffering THIS much (with debilitating worry).

So I just learn to live with it?? (+ maybe fake it better?)

I seem to be worrying WAAAAAY more than I used to.
Maybe because I'm treading water in a deeper pool than before(more responsibility + more to lose, etc.)





Quote:

Originally Posted by Bozo (Post 30147)
I think what you're trying to get to here, is a lack of worry. I don't think that's possible.

Confidence is something other people see, so you can fake that. Worry is strictly internal, and I don't think you can eliminate it.

Your RE friend had confidence that the house would sell, but he had no skin in the game and so could afford to be confident. When it's your skin, worry comes with the program.

I think it's ok to worry, even natural and unavoidable. But, it's what you do while worrying that determines the outcome.

Let the worry consume you and you won't be able to do anything but worry.

Be worried, but keep hammering away at a solution, and you may come out ok in the end. Or not. All you can do is keep trying.

Even when you're supremely confident in a good outcome, your whole world can turn to crap in an instant. Confidence is no more valuable than worry.

The best you can do is keep flying the plane until the noise stops.

.


Dien Rice February 22, 2012 06:09 AM

Take care of the downside first...
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by -TW (Post 30148)
Yes - exactly! It's not confidence, but FREEDOM from worry I seek.

So, everyone (else) who seems not to be worried, is faking it (?)

I was going on the hope I could someday reach that level of not worrying -- or at least worrying less!

Hi Tim,

One "lesson" I've come across over and over - from multiple sources - is to first look at the "downside"...

That is - what is the risk that you'll lose money doing this?

Next question is - how can you reduce or even eliminate that risk of losing money? (Having a "plan B" is one way to reduce your risk - though it's usually not the only way...)

If you can't reduce or eliminate the risk of losing money - then find another idea to work on...

Here are some posts from the past about this - giving people like Richard Branson, Bob Reiss, and even a quote from Donald Trump as examples...!

How to succeed in business - by making lots of mistakes! (Donald Trump, Richard Branson...)

How to create a business with zero risk.... (Bob Reiss)

If you've got ways to reduce or eliminate your risk of losing money - you can take comfort from it!

The other thing is - if your business fails - because you've "planned" to reduce your financial risk in the case of that possibility, you're more likely to be able to "come back" and try again.

The people who start their first business and lose their life savings, or more, are usually the people who have NOT gone through this process!

Best wishes,

Dien

-TW February 22, 2012 02:27 PM

Re: How/where do you find confidence without security?...
 
There are two types of money. Income + outgo. You can eliminate some worry by being careful where you put your outgo (biz risk), yes -- I see that.

On the other hand, it's hard to reduce worry when you're worried about where the next income is coming from!

saramartin February 24, 2012 04:37 PM

Re: How/where do you find confidence without security?...
 
Im trained to see the signs of confidence and the signs of a lack of true self-confidence and let me tell youI see many, many more people who lack true self-confidence than those who have it.
moazafonline:)

GordonJ February 24, 2012 06:14 PM

And what is your point?????
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by saramartin (Post 30162)
Im trained to see the signs of confidence and the signs of a lack of true self-confidence and let me tell youI see many, many more people who lack true self-confidence than those who have it.
moazafonline:)

This is great for you, how does this advance the thread, care to share some of that training...and isn't it MOST people????

Please contribute or don't waste our time.

Gordon Alexander


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