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-   -   I'm INHUMAN I tell ya!... (http://www.sowpub.com/forum/showthread.php?t=7966)

-TW February 17, 2012 07:47 PM

I'm INHUMAN I tell ya!...
 
I've been asked to fly out 5,000 miles away for a business meeting. (read: to pitch what I have to a large corp.).

My question is this, what does an in-person meeting do that phone calls, etc. cannot do?

Again, I run up "against" the "human x-factor." When it comes to business, I don't see where it fits into the scheme of things (though I also see that it obviously DOES fit in with the scheme of things, ie: happens all the time).

I just see it as a colossal waste of time + $$ (from BOTH sides of the business "partner" equation).

Any thoughts on this?

-- TW

Dien Rice February 17, 2012 10:23 PM

How meeting in person can save your skin
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by -TW (Post 30101)
I've been asked to fly out 5,000 miles away for a business meeting. (read: to pitch what I have to a large corp.).

My question is this, what does an in-person meeting do that phone calls, etc. cannot do?

Again, I run up "against" the "human x-factor." When it comes to business, I don't see where it fits into the scheme of things (though I also see that it obviously DOES fit in with the scheme of things, ie: happens all the time).

I just see it as a colossal waste of time + $$ (from BOTH sides of the business "partner" equation).

Any thoughts on this?

Hi TW,

You can do a lot nowadays with the phone, Skype, including video chat (either via Skype or other means)...

However, nothing can beat meeting someone in person, in my opinion.

Why? I think you get a better "vibe" about the person... A better "feel" for them.

By that I mean... Do they strike you as fundamentally honest and trustworthy? Or is there some "niggling feeling" you get when meeting them?

In a more "scientific" vein, I'd say what this is about is actually using your subconscious to assess someone. You take in much more information than you are consciously aware of, and you process a lot of that information subconsciously.

That subconscious processing can give you a "feeling" about someone - as you weigh it up against your past experiences which are all "buried" in your brain.

Now, think of the "data" involved.

- Writing involves a small amount of data - you just have the words in front of you, and that's it.

- A phone call involves a little more data - you have the words, and you also have the tone of voice, speed of talking, etc., which can all indicate emotional states.

- A video conference involves more data - all the data you get from a phone call, plus physical appearance. That gives you even more data, as physical appearance may indicate other things - such as facial expression, and so on. For example, you can sometimes tell when someone is lying from their facial expression, how often they blink, etc.

- Meeting in person offers the richest amount of data of all. You get all the data that you'd get from a video conference, plus more - you can tell if they are comfortable shaking hands or if it make them nervous, you can tell if they smell bad (or smell good), and so on. Also, people who lie tend to fidget more, and "fidgeting" would be more noticeable when meeting in person, compared to a video conference.

Meeting in person is also the only way you can use all five senses to "assess" a person... Although your "taste buds" are unlikely to come into play (usually!), you can use all the other senses of sight, hearing, touch, and smell.

Anyway, the more information you have about someone - the better the decisions you'll make! (It could even "save your skin" if the extra info helps to prevent you from working with a con artist, for example.)

You get the most direct information about someone by meeting him or her in person.

By the way, here's another factor...

Touch can also play a big role in establishing relationships between people - even just shaking hands, or a pat on the shoulder.

Human touch stimulates your body to produce oxytocin, which is the "trust" molecule - so it helps to build a trust relationship between people.

Of course, you can only "touch" when you meet in person.

So - in my opinion - there are a lot of reasons why a personal meeting would be desirable for many people.

Of course, in practical terms, in our modern day and age, there are many reasons why it may be impractical, too (such as the time and expense of travel, as you point out).

- Dien

P.S. Here's an earlier post on oxytocin by Ankesh, which seems relevant here (regarding the "building trust" part) - http://www.sowpub.com/forum/showthread.php?p=22451. By the way, there are other good posts in that thread, too!

Also, check out this article, which Ankesh linked to in that post...

http://www.neurosciencemarketing.com...connection.htm

Phil February 18, 2012 02:47 AM

Re: How meeting in person can save your skin
 
In Addition...

Quick thoughts, research, opinions [Overall]...

Really All Depends on the Importance of the business related Matters and issues...

Hiring and Outsourcing an {Expertise} business representative, Legal communications, Negotiating network as part of your [Smart] business Plan can Help with/in All Kinds of Important Number Crunching etc. etc...

Within that Secret Location and Area... Save some Traveling related Costs etc. in Exchange for misc. Knowledge Negotiators, All Depending on TW and Group of Companies... Abilities, Expertise levels etc. etc... :)

Of course Also Depending on your Negotiating, Communication Skills and Expected outcome(s)... Expectations of each Meeting and A Whole lot more Depending! ...

SomeWhere in (All) of This is Another HOTSHEET(S) Group Of Idea(s) for Anyone interested, Creative with A Good Mix of innovation! ... 2012-2088... ;)

Other data indicate there are {11 Million business meetings each and every day. ... and Around the Globe} - whether in person, by phone, or by videoconference. .... Understand that the meeting dynamics differ for in-person meetings vs. those ...

Informative Research... Opinions from A Company with Their Hands Well into The related World of Business Wheelings and Dealings...
https://e-meetings.verizonbusiness.c...whitepaper.php

All the best...

Phil

Ankesh February 18, 2012 03:13 AM

Re: I'm INHUMAN I tell ya!...
 
In one word: reassurance.

Its the reason my dad can't buy a TV online, while I can. Our comfort levels are different. He has to go to a store and see it for himself. I can make a decision on specs alone.

Another reason: saving ass.

If the deal goes south for any reason, no one will be able to tell your contact person: "you bought the product without even meeting the vendor?"

Most likely, you will meet and interact with more than 1 person. Just so the blame can be avoided if things go bad.

Ankesh February 18, 2012 03:19 AM

Re: I'm INHUMAN I tell ya!...
 
Have you read any thing by Dan Airely?
If not, may I recommend that you do?

GordonJ February 18, 2012 04:36 PM

YOU just don't get it Tim, probably never will...
 
An IN PERSON meeting is all about the non-verbal stuff we've been discussing this last couple of weeks. Here is a good article that sheds a little light on the subject.

http://www.john-carlton.com/2012/02/...a-storm/?link1

Dien Rice went out of his way, WAYYY out, to meet me in Cuyahoga Falls when he first proposed the idea for SowPub. I doubt if I would have been agreeable if we only communicated from a distance.

We got to "size each other up". And, good for SowPubbers ever since, we hit it off and found the other fellow likable...and the fact this brainiac was willing to take on such a dummy for a partner...Dien being the brains...

Person to person is about getting a feel...emotion comes hard for your logical brain...

And is, in fact, judged by your posts here the last few years, the cause of your frustration...

IF it is important to you, get Prepped, get on the plane, and let them see who they are dealing with...get back on the plane and get on with your mutually beneficial relationship.

Why would you NOT? Only because YOU feel it doesn't need to be that way...

it's not logical.

Good luck, I don't think you're ever going to "get it"

Gordon



Quote:

Originally Posted by -TW (Post 30101)
I've been asked to fly out 5,000 miles away for a business meeting. (read: to pitch what I have to a large corp.).

My question is this, what does an in-person meeting do that phone calls, etc. cannot do?

Again, I run up "against" the "human x-factor." When it comes to business, I don't see where it fits into the scheme of things (though I also see that it obviously DOES fit in with the scheme of things, ie: happens all the time).

I just see it as a colossal waste of time + $$ (from BOTH sides of the business "partner" equation).

Any thoughts on this?

-- TW


-TW February 18, 2012 09:24 PM

I guess my point was...
 
The criteria for hiring someone's services are (in some cases) NOT this...

I see you have a 20-year track record of outrageous success.

But instead this...

I see you have a 20-year track record of outrageous success + a firm handshake (in person).

That's like judging someone on how cool their website is.
Doesn't really have any bearing on whether they can really deliver the goods (unless those goods are website building).

Basically judging on criteria that have no real bearing on the matter at hand.
Judging a book by its cover, essentially.

On the other hand, most all job interviews are ultimately done in-person -- so I see the point.

Bozo February 19, 2012 01:19 AM

Re: I guess my point was...
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by -TW (Post 30111)
Basically judging on criteria that have no real bearing on the matter at hand.


It's only you, and your logic, that think those criteria have no bearing. Everybody else thinks they are important.

If you carry those thoughts into your meeting, those people will sense them. That's why they want to meet you, to see who you really are, they already believe you can do the job.

.

Dien Rice February 19, 2012 03:02 AM

Re: I guess my point was...
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by -TW (Post 30111)
The criteria for hiring someone's services are (in some cases) NOT this...

I see you have a 20-year track record of outrageous success.

But instead this...

I see you have a 20-year track record of outrageous success + a firm handshake (in person).

That's like judging someone on how cool their website is.
Doesn't really have any bearing on whether they can really deliver the goods (unless those goods are website building).

Basically judging on criteria that have no real bearing on the matter at hand.
Judging a book by its cover, essentially.

On the other hand, most all job interviews are ultimately done in-person -- so I see the point.

Hi Tim,

Two points come to mind...

The first is, I'm not sure how close you're going to work with these people. However, if there is to be any kind of "close" partnership, it's nice to know that there won't be any "personality clash"!

I've seen multiple times where two very highly competent people simply could not successfully work together. It's not because they were not both highly skilled and competent. Rather, it was because they simply could not get along - which led to a dysfunctional partnership!

The second point is that, sometimes people lie. Resumes, qualifications, work histories, and so on, can all be faked. The element I think you're overlooking is "trustworthiness."

I think you can get the most accurate assessment of the "trustworthiness" of a person by meeting them in person (for the reasons I mentioned in my earlier post).

While I think most people in the world are fundamentally honest, it's the 4% or so of people who are incredibly dishonest who can screw things up.

By the way, about a year or so I read the book "The Sociopath Next Door" by Martha Stout, Ph.D.

A "sociopath" does not have to be a "mass killer." Instead, a "sociopath" is technically someone who has no conscience - they'll just do what's best for themselves, even if they have to constantly lie and cheat to do so. "Sociopaths" are very hard to spot, and generally blend very well into society. They're good at lying and cheating, since that's how they've lived their whole lives - they've had a lot of practice.

According to Martha Stout, about 4% of people are sociopaths.

You may not necessarily spot a sociopath by meeting them in person, but I think your chances may be better than if you didn't meet at all.

(If you want to know how to spot a sociopath, Martha Stout's book tells you what clues to look for. One of them, which surprised me, was that a very common trait of sociopaths is to constantly seek pity from others. Why? Because, if people pity them, it is a way that they can control those who pity them. People can easily be manipulated to do "favors" for the sociopath, out of pity. One of the suspected-sociopaths I used to know [as this person is no longer in my life] used pity extensively, always claiming to be ill, or financially poor, or mistreated by friends and family. However, I eventually found out that most of these claims were lies, which were said in order to gain pity. Through pity, this person could then easily manipulate others to perform lots of favors - like buy things, run errands, and so on.)

Best wishes,

Dien

Dien Rice February 19, 2012 08:54 AM

Re: How meeting in person can save your skin
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Phil (Post 30105)
In Addition...

Quick thoughts, research, opinions [Overall]...

Really All Depends on the Importance of the business related Matters and issues...

Hiring and Outsourcing an {Expertise} business representative, Legal communications, Negotiating network as part of your [Smart] business Plan can Help with/in All Kinds of Important Number Crunching etc. etc...

Within that Secret Location and Area... Save some Traveling related Costs etc. in Exchange for misc. Knowledge Negotiators, All Depending on TW and Group of Companies... Abilities, Expertise levels etc. etc... :)

Of course Also Depending on your Negotiating, Communication Skills and Expected outcome(s)... Expectations of each Meeting and A Whole lot more Depending! ...

SomeWhere in (All) of This is Another HOTSHEET(S) Group Of Idea(s) for Anyone interested, Creative with A Good Mix of innovation! ... 2012-2088... ;)

Hi Phil,

Certainly, some businesses are all communications... Which can be by "remote" means (like mail, email, phone, and videoconferencing), and also "in person" too...

In fact, I can think of a couple of very successful businesspeople I've met, whose business activity consists of perhaps around 95% (or more) communicating with other people...

You might call it "wheeling and dealing"... They make deals for themselves (in one case), and for other people (in the other case, but he takes a percentage of the eventual sales)...

It's amazing what can be achieved, purely through the right kind of communication, with the right people...

Best wishes,

Dien

P.S. Here's a "blast from the past" post which is relevant to this... http://www.sowpub.com/forum/showthread.php?p=1713


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