"Headline" Review Please
 

Hey Guys,

Could the group please give me some feedback on a possible headline for a sales letter i'm currently working on. It's for a business that provides training on employee productivity issues.
The goal of the sales letter is to get business owners/managers to say "hey, I want to learn more" and give me a call.

Here's 3 headline versions:

"Transforming Individuals Into Highly Productive, Results Driven Leaders, In Less Than 60 Days.
…..Results Guaranteed! "

"Transforming Key Employees Into Highly Productive, Results Driven Leaders, In Less Than 60 Days.
…..Results Guaranteed!"

"Transforming Businesses Into Highly Productive, Results Driven Profit Centers, In Less Than 60 Days.
…..Results Guaranteed! "

Any feedback will be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

Mitch

Re: "Headline" Review Please
 

I'd suggest: None of the above.

I get a lot of mail in the office, and those look like the "oh goodie-goodie. Here's another sales letter" headlines. Ask a question, provoke a thought -- engage the reader.

Mail today is full of a lot of hype, and after awhile you get jaded and skeptical. Find a headline (or question and answer) that will provoke a "Hey, Jimmy-bob, did you know THIS?" response in the reader.

Here's what makes me one of the BEST resume writers in the country, and why most people would rather
 

NOT do it my way.

When I had my resume business I INSISTED that my clients create a NEW and separate resume for every job they applied to. Many people went across town to the guy who had the "one size fits all" resume service.

He did plenty good at his "in and out" resume service.

I worked with people start to finish, and in those ancient times I was charging 495 bux for resume/job finding service.

I made sure my clients understood the PURPOSE of the resume was to get an Interview, or at the very least a follow-up inquiry or name recognition.

99.95% of job seekers use a SHOTGUN approach, that is they send their ONE resume to a slew of prspective employers and HOPE they get into the I pile (Interview). Most don't.

Now Mitch, I'm getting there, bear with me.

During a 2.5 year period and as part of my job as a Job Developer for a county agency, I sent out over 200 SPECIFIC resumes (my own) to a wide variety of businesses. I had over a 65% success rate of getting an interview. The majority of these had requested a person have a degree as part of their background. Sometimes, degrees are required in certain jobs, other times, it is used as a qualifyer.

Well, even though I don't have a degree, about 33% of all the jobs I interviewed for were followed with an offer.

See, I was in the field every day getting jobs for people and working IN businesses to assist my clients.

Why was I able to do so well? And what has it got to do with your question?

It is my OPINION only that getting an Interview is a pretty easy thing to do if you know the MARKETING aspect. Job hunting is just like REMOTE DIRECT MARKETING, in fact, it is RDM.

The RESUME is the initial contact for many, and with a Marketing Cover Letter, you have a good chance of getting into the I pile.

Getting Interviews is the easy part, getting the JOB was the harder part.

The SECRET I used (and still do) is to know as much as I possibly can about the company/business/owner as I could.

MY competition (HA!) wouldn't go to that effort.

Right now, I'm working with a few restaurants on a project. Before I even approach them, I visit the restaurant as a customer. I do research into the owner, the manager, how long it's been around, who are it's customers.

I KNOW more about the restaurant than anyone but the owner. It gives me the LEVERAGE I need when presenting myself and ideas to them. It is NEVER ABOUT ME.

It is always about them.

It is always about them.

It is ALWAYS about them.

Consider this,

Dear Jane Smith,

You can transform your employees into highly productive results driven leaders in less than 90 days, guaranteed. Our employee productivity training program is guaranteed to ...(thunk, the wastbasket was empty)

to this;

Dear Jane Smith,

Your 74 employees work hard to produce your current annual revenue of 7.5 million dollars and XYZ has established itself as a key player in the widget industry. Imagine Ms. Smith if you could add an additional 7 employees at NO cost. Would your productivity go up with your profits?

Of course it would. But you don't have to add anyone because each of your current employees is worth at least 10% more productivity than they are currently producing.

Your competitor, the ABC Widget company has annual sales of 8.5 million and they have only 68 employees. You can use the same kind of leverage they do and see productivity increase along with your bottom line. Here's how;

**************

So, what I'm saying is that you shouldn't waste time looking for a ONE Size fits all hook, but focus in on those companies and businesses that you can really SERVE and begin to prepare a dossier on each and every one of them. Your local public library is a good place to start.

Know KEY personell, all the players in the company, and especially the person who is going to have to SELL this training to her boss.

There is ONE person you are going to have to sell, and that person is going to sell it to the company (president, owner, mgr) and you need to know who that KEY person is.

You need to know their competitors. Their place in the market. Who their customers are. You have to know THEM first and how your program will fit into their scheme of things.

Are they a young company? Mature? Growing (with a lot of pains)Downsizing? Is the management young, old, is it run by despots?

Arm yourself with this knowledge, then become a problem solving partner...not just another guy selling TRAINING.

That is what I'd get if I got one of your headlines. A sales pitch.

As a business owner, I'd want to know what you know about my needs, concerns, problems and exactly HOW you are going to HELP me solve them.

Getting an owner/mgr to CALL YOU, is next to impossible. You call them, do a follow-up. Do way beyond due diligence, and you'll get WAY BEYOND average results.

PERSONALIZE your sales presentation to match THEIR needs.

But, that is just my opinion.

Gordon Alexander

> Hey Guys,

> Could the group please give me some feedback
> on a possible headline for a sales letter
> i'm currently working on. It's for a
> business that provides training on employee
> productivity issues.
> The goal of the sales letter is to get
> business owners/managers to say "hey, I
> want to learn more" and give me a call.

> Here's 3 headline versions:

> "Transforming Individuals Into Highly
> Productive, Results Driven Leaders, In Less
> Than 60 Days.
> …..Results Guaranteed! "

> "Transforming Key Employees Into Highly
> Productive, Results Driven Leaders, In Less
> Than 60 Days.
> …..Results Guaranteed!"

> "Transforming Businesses Into Highly
> Productive, Results Driven Profit Centers,
> In Less Than 60 Days.
> …..Results Guaranteed! "

> Any feedback will be greatly appreciated.

> Thanks

> Mitch

Gordon is right Re: "Headline" Review Please
 

Looking at how Gordon did it - we know he'd get the upper hand :-) When someone gets in touch and shows us that he/she knows us, we usually consider it a 'conversation', and don't feel it's 'advertising'.
Alexander T.
JV Specialist


Reach for the Tools

Re: Here's what makes me one of the BEST resume writers in the country, and why most people would ra
 

Hey Gordon,

Thanks for the info. As usual you open up and share valuable experience, and it's greatly appreciated. You are very quickly becoming one of those people I would love to meet one day in person.

It all makes very much sense. You can bet i'll be trying to use your process as much as possible. If you don't mind I have a few more questions.

A lot of the specific information you are referring to about the company can be found in references such as Dunn and Bradstreet (i.e. # of employees, sales, officers, etc.). And to find out who is in charge of training, well, I guess that's a no brainer. I'll just call and ask. Would it be better to directly approach the owner/president with an approach like yours or would you try to go through the training department? What other sources would you use to concentrate on a particular company/industry.

Also, do you feel a 3 step, Dan Kennedy type letter approach would be appropriate or just one letter then the phone call?

Hey, thanks again.

Mitch

> NOT do it my way.

> When I had my resume business I INSISTED
> that my clients create a NEW and separate
> resume for every job they applied to. Many
> people went across town to the guy who had
> the "one size fits all" resume
> service.

> He did plenty good at his "in and
> out" resume service.

> I worked with people start to finish, and in
> those ancient times I was charging 495 bux
> for resume/job finding service.

> I made sure my clients understood the
> PURPOSE of the resume was to get an
> Interview, or at the very least a follow-up
> inquiry or name recognition.

> 99.95% of job seekers use a SHOTGUN
> approach, that is they send their ONE resume
> to a slew of prspective employers and HOPE
> they get into the I pile (Interview). Most
> don't.

> Now Mitch, I'm getting there, bear with me.

> During a 2.5 year period and as part of my
> job as a Job Developer for a county agency,
> I sent out over 200 SPECIFIC resumes (my
> own) to a wide variety of businesses. I had
> over a 65% success rate of getting an
> interview. The majority of these had
> requested a person have a degree as part of
> their background. Sometimes, degrees are
> required in certain jobs, other times, it is
> used as a qualifyer.

> Well, even though I don't have a degree,
> about 33% of all the jobs I interviewed for
> were followed with an offer.

> See, I was in the field every day getting
> jobs for people and working IN businesses to
> assist my clients.

> Why was I able to do so well? And what has
> it got to do with your question?

> It is my OPINION only that getting an
> Interview is a pretty easy thing to do if
> you know the MARKETING aspect. Job hunting
> is just like REMOTE DIRECT MARKETING, in
> fact, it is RDM.

> The RESUME is the initial contact for many,
> and with a Marketing Cover Letter, you have
> a good chance of getting into the I pile.

> Getting Interviews is the easy part, getting
> the JOB was the harder part.

> The SECRET I used (and still do) is to know
> as much as I possibly can about the
> company/business/owner as I could.

> MY competition (HA!) wouldn't go to that
> effort.

> Right now, I'm working with a few
> restaurants on a project. Before I even
> approach them, I visit the restaurant as a
> customer. I do research into the owner, the
> manager, how long it's been around, who are
> it's customers.

> I KNOW more about the restaurant than anyone
> but the owner. It gives me the LEVERAGE I
> need when presenting myself and ideas to
> them. It is NEVER ABOUT ME.

> It is always about them.

> It is always about them.

> It is ALWAYS about them.

> Consider this,

> Dear Jane Smith,

> You can transform your employees into highly
> productive results driven leaders in less
> than 90 days, guaranteed. Our employee
> productivity training program is guaranteed
> to ...(thunk, the wastbasket was empty)

> to this;

> Dear Jane Smith,

> Your 74 employees work hard to produce your
> current annual revenue of 7.5 million
> dollars and XYZ has established itself as a
> key player in the widget industry. Imagine
> Ms. Smith if you could add an additional 7
> employees at NO cost. Would your
> productivity go up with your profits?

> Of course it would. But you don't have to
> add anyone because each of your current
> employees is worth at least 10% more
> productivity than they are currently
> producing.

> Your competitor, the ABC Widget company has
> annual sales of 8.5 million and they have
> only 68 employees. You can use the same kind
> of leverage they do and see productivity
> increase along with your bottom line. Here's
> how;

> **************

> So, what I'm saying is that you shouldn't
> waste time looking for a ONE Size fits all
> hook, but focus in on those companies and
> businesses that you can really SERVE and
> begin to prepare a dossier on each and every
> one of them. Your local public library is a
> good place to start.

> Know KEY personell, all the players in the
> company, and especially the person who is
> going to have to SELL this training to her
> boss.

> There is ONE person you are going to have to
> sell, and that person is going to sell it to
> the company (president, owner, mgr) and you
> need to know who that KEY person is.

> You need to know their competitors. Their
> place in the market. Who their customers
> are. You have to know THEM first and how
> your program will fit into their scheme of
> things.

> Are they a young company? Mature? Growing
> (with a lot of pains)Downsizing? Is the
> management young, old, is it run by despots?

> Arm yourself with this knowledge, then
> become a problem solving partner...not just
> another guy selling TRAINING.

> That is what I'd get if I got one of your
> headlines. A sales pitch.

> As a business owner, I'd want to know what
> you know about my needs, concerns, problems
> and exactly HOW you are going to HELP me
> solve them.

> Getting an owner/mgr to CALL YOU, is next to
> impossible. You call them, do a follow-up.
> Do way beyond due diligence, and you'll get
> WAY BEYOND average results.

> PERSONALIZE your sales presentation to match
> THEIR needs.

> But, that is just my opinion.

> Gordon Alexander

Economies of TIME...
 

As I understand what you are doing, that is selling a prepackaged training program (with customization, and correct me if I'm wrong), my starting point would be financial...How much do you need to earn to support or to advance your lifestyle.

Just for illustrative purposes, say you want to make 50,000 a year.

And you are paid a commission, say 200 bucks for every thousand you bring in.

How much training do you need to sell? Which packages are higher profit? What is the EASIEST SELL?

Who is buying what? What is your competition, and I'm thinking that TRAINING is very competitive, but that also means companies are spending on training too.

What I'm getting at Mitch is it might be easier to find a larger company, 200-400 employees, with maybe 20 in a given department, like Human Resources, and to sell them a variety of packages.

It could be you would only need 6 or fewer a year to reach your financial goals...so you could affort to spend more time in the research part.

If you have to do smaller companies, you may need to make more sales, and see more people to do it.

I try to work from ECONOMIES of scale. It's just as easy for me to talk to a guy who owns 4 restaurants, or 10, or a corporation that owns 20 franchises..

as it is to talk to the mom and pop restaurant.

So, I might spend more time learning the needs of the chain and the restrictions of a franchise...on the other hand, I could GET TO Mom or Pop a lot quicker and have my answer a lot sooner.

If what you are doing is just repping the training, that is acting as a salesman and you are not presenting...then you want to mix it up.

See a lot of Mom and Pops to get a fast start, and hit the big boys too.

As for information, a Chartered Corporation may issue annual reports and these are usually placed in the library. A college or university may have a whole ton of annual reports available.

Call your library and ask if they have CONTACTS INFLUENTIAL or a local Who's Who, and don't forget to join Chamber of Commerce, and BBB, and Regional Development Boards...all have directories and listing.

There is a whole bunch of information available, but the best way is to network. To go to meetings and to MEET people.

Now, I would put my TIME on a chart for the next year, see how much INCOME I had to produce routinely...pick one, weekly, bi-weekly, monthly...what were my cash flow needs.

This done with the END result in mind...50k, 100k...and what efforts were needed to reach that figure.

So, it may very well be worth my time to spend 6 to 8 months "WORKING" on a company (and that could include several presentations) if the PAYOFF was going to be 25k or more.

Think long range, and the secret to your business is this: see the people, see the people and see the RIGHT people.

It might take you 6 to 8 months to build a network of contacts. And in the meantime you could be making nice income from the smaller less time consuming customers.

Do this:

Make a ONE month plan of action.
Week One: Spend 10 hours researching companies with more than 100 employees.

Call on at least 10 companies in person. Now I compared this to resumes. I'd send my clients on INFORMATION interviews, and these are fairly easy to get. You can do the same.

Cold call on a company, meet the 'gatekeeper', tell her/him you are there for an INFORMATION interview, your BOSS wants you to "learn" all you can about companies in your area.

If nothing else, you'll get a feel for the company.

And call with the idea of SELLING something to somebody also. I'm sure your parent company has ample sales collateral for you to use, and probably even a script or two...or a sales plan.

Follow it.

My point to you Mitch is to start thinking from DAY ONE about the economies of your time, with the idea that PERHAPS you'll get to the point that you only need a couple of sales a year to reach your goal...and the rest is gravy.

Which companies can do that for you? What training are they currently buying? Who's who?
(Annual reports, company newsletters, talking with employees and networking)...

then set your sites on being the MAN when it comes to providing their training needs in the area you are offering.

BE EFFICIENT.

Would it be better
> to directly approach the owner/president
> with an approach like yours or would you try
> to go through the training department? What
> other sources would you use to concentrate
> on a particular company/industry.

Depends on the size of the company. As a general rule, you'll find companies with less than 100 people have a tendency to be autocratic...that is, ONE key person runs the show and makes the decisions. Probably the Founder or President.

In this case you need to know which OVERWORKED department head mosts benefits from your type of training. That is the KEY person for you.

In the mid size range, 100-300, you'll find Department Heads or Managers that will have to be sold on training, and then it goes to a decision maker, like a VP.

More than 400 you run into bureacratic places where decisions take longer, more committees and all that.

Large companies with 600 plus you have to LEARN and cultivate relationships...there is a lot of politicking going on there. BUT, one continuous training contract produces you a nice foundation income.

> Also, do you feel a 3 step, Dan Kennedy type
> letter approach would be appropriate or just
> one letter then the phone call?

Me? I feel a 12 step approach might work.

Hi I'm Gordon (Hi Gordon)

It's been two weeks since I've called upon you about training. Would you like me to bring over plan a or plan b?

If this is going to be your career, then don't let a month go by that you don't contact your prospects. They just might be ready for you this month.

LOCATE the key contacts, send them birthday cards, President's day cards, St. Patricks Day, Easter/Spring cards, Memorial Day, July 4th...the point is to keep your name in front of them.

Letter. Personal call. Phone call. Letter. Phone call. In person. Card. Card. Phone call. Card. etc. etc. Memento. Phone Call. until you make a sale.

Hope this helps Mitch.

First BELIEVE in your product. Second make a commitment to do whatever it takes. Set goals. Backward chain the EVENTS (action steps)...take action, and continue and adjust the action until it works. Repeat what works.

Simple? Yes. Easy. NO. But then, that is why they call it work.

If you can do it with a smile on your face everday (from joy)...and a song in your heart, then you'll meet your goals. Just take one step at a time. But take the steps every day.

Gordon Alexander