I need help with this simple little postcard that is driving me nuts...
 

Can somebody critique my prospecting postcard, printed below?

Its funny. I've got my sample issue of the newsletter all done, and the sales copy to go with it. The big stuff came easy.

But this darn postcard... this simple little postcard...

You know how EASY it is to recognize GOOD COPY from OTHERS -- but how HARD it is to tell if your own words are GEMS or DRIVEL? Well, that's where I am with this thing. Someone tell me what it needs, toss me a boffo line, or whatever... I'd hate to go prospecting with a stinker.

Sure would appreciate any thoughts.

Best Wishes,
Jim Erskine
Homeway Press

POSTCARD TEXT FOLLOWS:
----------------------------------------------

Date: 5/18/02

re: Small Town Tourism Ideas!
_____________________________________________

I’d like to send you a free sample copy of SMALL TOWN TOURISM IDEAS! -- a new newsletter sharing the best tips, strategies & ideas of small town tourism pros from across the country. Our goal: To equip you to bring more tourism dollars into YOUR community.

No obligations, no strings attached. To receive your free issue, simply email your request to: [email protected]

...or Call 1-800-xxx-xxxx & leave your request on my voice mail box.

I'll personally see to it that your free issue is mailed to you the same day I receive your request.

Sincerely,

Jim Erskine, Publisher
SMALL TOWN TOURISM IDEAS!


Local Business Ideas worth a look and a "hmmmmmm......"

Re: I need help with this simple little postcard that is driving me nuts...
 

Jim,

I would start out by changing your "re." line. This is actually your headline, and "Small Town Tourism Ideas!" just doesn't cut it. Fact is, they really don't want any small town tourism ideas, they want tourists. (Actually, that's not even what they want, but it's a lot closer.)

If I were writing it, I would come up with at least 50 headlines to choose from. So something like "re.: How to get tourists to spend money locally," "You can instantly learn to pack tourists into your town," "How to make your town a tourist magnet almost overnight" or "Learn how to quickly and easily pull tourists into your town." OK, those are bad, I admit it, but it takes a lot of work, and I'm lazy. The idea is get their attention with the main benefit you have to offer them, making it personal.

You may not be able to do this, but I have had great postcard results using this technique: On the message side of the postcard, personalize the salutation ("Dear Mr. Smith," "Dear Jim," etc.) Then personalize the re: line, "re.: How you can make Podunk a tourist trap." You could print the cards yourself using a merge document. Get heavy card stock, print full sheets four up, both sides, then cut them with a paper cutter.

Of course, if you are buying labels, that might be a problem. But if you are getting names on disk, it would be a snap. And your results would soar.

I don't think an email address is good unless it ties in to your offering nicely. For instance, [email protected]. I have had the best results by asking them to fax the card. The phone is good also.

I don't like the sound of "Small Town Tourism Ideas!" Maybe just "Small Town Tourism" would be better. Maybe "Tourism Gold." I could be wrong about it though.

You are probably trying to communicate too much in your body copy. Think about something simple, but compelling like this:

"There's no reason Podunk couldn't pull in money-spending tourists like crazy. I have a FREE, no-obligation copy of Small Town Tourism Ideas! reserved in your name. Fax this card today to _________________________ or call _____________________ and leave your name and address. I'll hold your copy for five days, so go ahead and call right now before you forget."

I'm too sleepy to clean this post up properly, but maybe you can get one good idea out of it.

Good luck,

James

Yup. Needs Work
 

Catchy headline? Uhmmm.. how about something along the lines of "everybody should get out of town once in awhile -- and why not let Yaddaville be the perfect get-away spot for your region?" Okay, that's really weak, but you get the idea.

NOW... BIG HUGE QUESTION: Who are you going to target it to? Economic Development department? Mayor? Chamber of Commerce? Folks? Small businesses? Depending on who you target, that headline will change.

Who's your target audience?

I'm a gummint worker and have some specific ideas, y'see, depending on who you target.

The secret to creating Postcard Profits can be found in...
 

in the TARGET.

I've had some pretty good success with postcards. Some have been regular white standard sized postcards with black ink printing (like the one I created for Paul Hartunian's Postcard Challenge a few years ago that pitted 8 PROFESSIONAL copywriters against each other...I WON by the way)...

and others have been full 4 color oversized with incredible photos, a very promotional look to it.

It all depends on WHO is going to receive it and WHEN. I'm working on a couple of CHRISTMAS post cards right now.

So Jim, who is inside the Pictogrigm? What is his/her title? What will they be doing when they receive your postcard? WHERE will they get it? Home or Office?

What TIME will they get it? Are you going to be mailing soon? (I hope so)

Is it going to a town officer?

I see two possiblities. One is a full color oversized PROMOTIONAL tool that shows various tourist attractions in your small town, along with message on the back of how they could PROFIT from their hidden/secret/unknown tourist destinations.

The other is a more FORMAL looking, with a nice Gov looking indicia...notice I said "looking"...
something that looks official. And it should be very formal and properly addressed.

You can test these.

NOW, one that I might try would be totally different. A WHITE oversized card with HANDDRAWN and HANDWRITTEN little notes all over the front. Something that looks like a 10 year old kid did it...but has a couple of nice EYE catching little sayings at the top corners...and draw the eye down the page to various circles and stuff in quotes...a real messy looking thing.

It WILL get read. IF you do it right. And on the addy side, I'd use copy too. One mistake I see many postcards make is they don't use all the space they can. The address doesn't need that much room, check with PO Master for rules and regs..but there is a lot of space on the address side to make your points too...use boxes or quotes or even a different color.

I don't know what others do about POSTCARDS, I have used them successfully for 25 years...and I've helpe design many for advertising agencies...my specialty is the self-mailer, I know many of you have seen the work I've done for the herbal supplement company that worked very well.

My "secret" is to make it EYE appealing, make it INTERESTING to read...not PROMOTIONAL...that is not a SALE...

BUT Jim, you can make yours a mini-newsletter for you. A while back I developed a postcard for a Resume Writing service that looked like a Resume...(a product my partner and I decided NOT to do, but the postcard was great {my opinion})

so you could actually make it LOOK like a mini-newsletter, with two columns...articles, quotes, what have you.

Jim, let me know if you want my help, I'd be glad to create a couple for you to look at, and if you like them, use them, if not, no big deal. I'll do this cause you are a REMOTE INFLUENCE student...and I love a challenge.

The SECRET to postcards is to be OUTRAGEOUS or PROFESSIONAL but don't be mundane or mediocre or it goes into the trash can.

The longer the recipient HOLDS it, the better chance you have of them taking ACTION...and make the action step easy.

Your toll free number does that, but I'd give them a TIME sensitive reason to respond Jim.

My RULE for Postcard Profits is this: no RULES--JUST RESULTS.

You know that by testing. Paul Hartunian tested 8 very different postcards...from 8 very different professional copywriters.

I'd TEST, but make sure you make it RANDOM...

Jim, send me an email if you want, and I'll talk some more with you about the postcard. It doesn't take long to get one together...

and it doesn't even have to have a HEADLINE, contrary to some opinions. It does however, have to capture ATTENTION and PROMOTE ACTION...the phone call is what you want...make the card have ONLY that purpose...make it do the ONE thing you need it to do.

And you do that by getting inside your TARGET'S Circle of Preoccupation. Use the RI formula and you'll be amazed at the results.

Gordon Alexander

> Can somebody critique my prospecting
> postcard, printed below?

> Its funny. I've got my sample issue of the
> newsletter all done, and the sales copy to
> go with it. The big stuff came easy.

> But this darn postcard... this simple little
> postcard...

> You know how EASY it is to recognize GOOD
> COPY from OTHERS -- but how HARD it is to
> tell if your own words are GEMS or DRIVEL?
> Well, that's where I am with this thing.
> Someone tell me what it needs, toss me a
> boffo line, or whatever... I'd hate to go
> prospecting with a stinker.

> Sure would appreciate any thoughts.

> Best Wishes,
> Jim Erskine
> Homeway Press

> POSTCARD TEXT FOLLOWS:
>
> ----------------------------------------------

> Date: 5/18/02

> re: Small Town Tourism Ideas!
>
> _____________________________________________

> I’d like to send you a free sample copy of
> SMALL TOWN TOURISM IDEAS! -- a new
> newsletter sharing the best tips, strategies
> & ideas of small town tourism pros from
> across the country. Our goal: To equip you
> to bring more tourism dollars into YOUR
> community.

> No obligations, no strings attached. To
> receive your free issue, simply email your
> request to: [email protected]
> ...or Call 1-800-xxx-xxxx & leave your
> request on my voice mail box.

> I'll personally see to it that your free
> issue is mailed to you the same day I
> receive your request.

> Sincerely,

> Jim Erskine, Publisher
> SMALL TOWN TOURISM IDEAS!

Who it is going to
 

Hi Mel,

Thanks for the help.

The target market for this mailing is tourism commissions.

The next mailing will be to Chamber of Commerce execs.

All in small towns, of course!

Best Wishes,
Jim Erskine

> Catchy headline? Uhmmm.. how about something
> along the lines of "everybody should
> get out of town once in awhile -- and why
> not let Yaddaville be the perfect get-away
> spot for your region?" Okay, that's
> really weak, but you get the idea.

> NOW... BIG HUGE QUESTION: Who are you going
> to target it to? Economic Development
> department? Mayor? Chamber of Commerce?
> Folks? Small businesses? Depending on who
> you target, that headline will change.

> Who's your target audience?

> I'm a gummint worker and have some specific
> ideas, y'see, depending on who you target.

I was trying for something I probably shouldn't have and ended up with zip
 

James,

Thanks for the great ideas.

I believe I got on the wrong track with this card by trying for a "I've been trying to reach you" type message as suggested by Roy Preece's AdSalespeople newsletter (That's not the right name, but it was a resource Gordon mentioned last week if you remember that.) I just hit a blank wall trying to do that, and ended up with a lifeless message. Maybe I just didn't "get" his concept. Oh, well...

Thanks for the super ideas and I will work on the headlines.

Best Wishes,

Jim Erskine

> Jim,

> I would start out by changing your
> "re." line. This is actually your
> headline, and "Small Town Tourism
> Ideas!" just doesn't cut it. Fact is,
> they really don't want any small town
> tourism ideas, they want tourists.
> (Actually, that's not even what they want,
> but it's a lot closer.)

> If I were writing it, I would come up with
> at least 50 headlines to choose from. So
> something like "re.: How to get
> tourists to spend money locally,"
> "You can instantly learn to pack
> tourists into your town," "How to
> make your town a tourist magnet almost
> overnight" or "Learn how to
> quickly and easily pull tourists into your
> town." OK, those are bad, I admit it,
> but it takes a lot of work, and I'm lazy.
> The idea is get their attention with the
> main benefit you have to offer them, making
> it personal.

> You may not be able to do this, but I have
> had great postcard results using this
> technique: On the message side of the
> postcard, personalize the salutation
> ("Dear Mr. Smith," "Dear
> Jim," etc.) Then personalize the re:
> line, "re.: How you can make Podunk a
> tourist trap." You could print the
> cards yourself using a merge document. Get
> heavy card stock, print full sheets four up,
> both sides, then cut them with a paper
> cutter.

> Of course, if you are buying labels, that
> might be a problem. But if you are getting
> names on disk, it would be a snap. And your
> results would soar.

> I don't think an email address is good
> unless it ties in to your offering nicely.
> For instance, [email protected] .
> I have had the best results by asking them
> to fax the card. The phone is good also.

> I don't like the sound of "Small Town
> Tourism Ideas!" Maybe just "Small
> Town Tourism" would be better. Maybe
> "Tourism Gold." I could be wrong
> about it though.

> You are probably trying to communicate too
> much in your body copy. Think about
> something simple, but compelling like this:

> "There's no reason Podunk couldn't pull
> in money-spending tourists like crazy. I
> have a FREE, no-obligation copy of Small
> Town Tourism Ideas! reserved in your name.
> Fax this card today to
> _________________________ or call
> _____________________ and leave your name
> and address. I'll hold your copy for five
> days, so go ahead and call right now before
> you forget."

> I'm too sleepy to clean this post up
> properly, but maybe you can get one good
> idea out of it.

> Good luck,

> James

Now THAT sounds intriguing!
 

Gordon,

Thanks for the very helpful input. As I mentioned in a reply to James, I just got sidetracked on this and then got stuck in that rut. The newsletter postcard idea looks great, but I am also very intrigued by the "handwritten" card idea. Would definitely like to see anything you might have in mind for that.

Will shoot you an email shortly...

Best Wishes,
Jim Erskine

> in the TARGET.

> I've had some pretty good success with
> postcards. Some have been regular white
> standard sized postcards with black ink
> printing (like the one I created for Paul
> Hartunian's Postcard Challenge a few years
> ago that pitted 8 PROFESSIONAL copywriters
> against each other...I WON by the way)...

> and others have been full 4 color oversized
> with incredible photos, a very promotional
> look to it.

> It all depends on WHO is going to receive it
> and WHEN. I'm working on a couple of
> CHRISTMAS post cards right now.

> So Jim, who is inside the Pictogrigm? What
> is his/her title? What will they be doing
> when they receive your postcard? WHERE will
> they get it? Home or Office?

> What TIME will they get it? Are you going to
> be mailing soon? (I hope so)

> Is it going to a town officer?

> I see two possiblities. One is a full color
> oversized PROMOTIONAL tool that shows
> various tourist attractions in your small
> town, along with message on the back of how
> they could PROFIT from their
> hidden/secret/unknown tourist destinations.

> The other is a more FORMAL looking, with a
> nice Gov looking indicia...notice I said
> "looking"...
> something that looks official. And it should
> be very formal and properly addressed.

> You can test these.

> NOW, one that I might try would be totally
> different. A WHITE oversized card with
> HANDDRAWN and HANDWRITTEN little notes all
> over the front. Something that looks like a
> 10 year old kid did it...but has a couple of
> nice EYE catching little sayings at the top
> corners...and draw the eye down the page to
> various circles and stuff in quotes...a real
> messy looking thing.

> It WILL get read. IF you do it right. And on
> the addy side, I'd use copy too. One mistake
> I see many postcards make is they don't use
> all the space they can. The address doesn't
> need that much room, check with PO Master
> for rules and regs..but there is a lot of
> space on the address side to make your
> points too...use boxes or quotes or even a
> different color.

> I don't know what others do about POSTCARDS,
> I have used them successfully for 25
> years...and I've helpe design many for
> advertising agencies...my specialty is the
> self-mailer, I know many of you have seen
> the work I've done for the herbal supplement
> company that worked very well.

> My "secret" is to make it EYE
> appealing, make it INTERESTING to read...not
> PROMOTIONAL...that is not a SALE...

> BUT Jim, you can make yours a
> mini-newsletter for you. A while back I
> developed a postcard for a Resume Writing
> service that looked like a Resume...(a
> product my partner and I decided NOT to do,
> but the postcard was great {my opinion})

> so you could actually make it LOOK like a
> mini-newsletter, with two
> columns...articles, quotes, what have you.

> Jim, let me know if you want my help, I'd be
> glad to create a couple for you to look at,
> and if you like them, use them, if not, no
> big deal. I'll do this cause you are a
> REMOTE INFLUENCE student...and I love a
> challenge.

> The SECRET to postcards is to be OUTRAGEOUS
> or PROFESSIONAL but don't be mundane or
> mediocre or it goes into the trash can.

> The longer the recipient HOLDS it, the
> better chance you have of them taking
> ACTION...and make the action step easy.

> Your toll free number does that, but I'd
> give them a TIME sensitive reason to respond
> Jim.

> My RULE for Postcard Profits is this: no
> RULES--JUST RESULTS.

> You know that by testing. Paul Hartunian
> tested 8 very different postcards...from 8
> very different professional copywriters.

> I'd TEST, but make sure you make it
> RANDOM...

> Jim, send me an email if you want, and I'll
> talk some more with you about the postcard.
> It doesn't take long to get one together...

> and it doesn't even have to have a HEADLINE,
> contrary to some opinions. It does however,
> have to capture ATTENTION and PROMOTE
> ACTION...the phone call is what you
> want...make the card have ONLY that
> purpose...make it do the ONE thing you need
> it to do.

> And you do that by getting inside your
> TARGET'S Circle of Preoccupation. Use the RI
> formula and you'll be amazed at the results.

> Gordon Alexander