Please critique this E-mail copy.
 

Hello guy's.
I need to improve the following confirmation e-mail that will be sent out after 5-6 days of the customer purchase from a computer reselling company like PCMALL.com, cdw.com

Please help me improve it. My main concern is the text.

Thank you.

-------------------------------------START---------------
Hello (name)

Thank you for your recent order with (company name)

I wanted to check with you that you are pleased with your purchase and that your item was received.

We at (Company name) hope you enjoy your purchase.

Hope to see you soon as we value you as our customer.

Make sure you sign up to our newslist to receive special deals every 3 weeks.
You can sign up to the list here (URL address).

Thank you.
(company name)
(Address)
(URL)

Re: Please critique this E-mail copy.
 

Dear...

Thank you for your recent purchase of...through....

This email is just to verify that everything is to your satisfaction with the product and purchase process.

To make sure you don't miss out on any of our other great specials be sure to sign up for our newslist which is sent approximately every 3 weeks. Just click here:

We're looking forward to a long, and mutually rewarding, relationship with you. Thank you for your confidence in us.

Sincerely,

Hope this is what you had in mind, Igor.
Sandi

> Hello guy's.
> I need to improve the following confirmation
> e-mail that will be sent out after 5-6 days
> of the customer purchase from a computer
> reselling company like PCMALL.com, cdw.com

> Please help me improve it. My main concern
> is the text.

> Thank you.

>
> -------------------------------------START---------------
> Hello (name)

> Thank you for your recent order with
> (company name)

> I wanted to check with you that you are
> pleased with your purchase and that your
> item was received.

> We at (Company name) hope you enjoy your
> purchase.

> Hope to see you soon as we value you as our
> customer.

> Make sure you sign up to our newslist to
> receive special deals every 3 weeks.
> You can sign up to the list here (URL
> address).

> Thank you.
> (company name)
> (Address)
> (URL)




Quick, Quality Ebooks...

Re: Please critique this E-mail copy.
 

Dear ____________

We wanted to just drop you a line to thank you for your recent purchase from (company name).

By now we hope that you have received your new KB124 computer, and hopefully you are even reading this email on it.

If this is your first computer purchase, things can be very overwhelming, so feel free to contact us at 1-800-GET-HELP, or email us at support@xyzcomputers.

If your purchase was an upgrade from an older system, we feel you know by now that you made a wise choice in the system you chose.

We offer a number of other computer products to enhance your information experience, and in appreciation for your business, please use the following special code ZZZ123 to save an additional 10% on training CD's, mousepads, print cartridges, toner, and a number of other items especially chosen for our valued customers. Click here for more information.

We also offer a (weekly, monthly) Tech Tips newsletter absolutely free, and all you have to do is click here to sign up.

Thanks Again,
Joe Willy
XYZ Computers




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Needs work. It doesn't really grab you...
 

-------------------------------------START---------------
Hello (name)

Thank you for ordering [product name].

As a valued customer of [Company Name] we ask you to take just ONE minute and respond to this email...

Have you received your [product name] yet?

Are you happy with your purchase?

What is the ONE thing [Company Name] can do to improve our product or service to you?

Are you aware of the "News List" that emails you special deals every three weeks?

If not - AND YOU WISH TO JOIN THE LIST - please go to [URL Address].

Thank you.
[Your Name]
[company name]
[Address]
[url]

The [Your Name] can be phoney - like Betty Crocker - if you like, but I would sign it with the customer service manager's name, if it were up to me. After all, it's his responsibility to keep the customers happy.