If you had clutter, would you respond to this letter?
 

Hi everyone,

I had to change one of this forums member’s special report to fit my situation. I work from 3:00 p.m. to midnight so I couldn’t do this service at folks homes evenings and weekends.

So I thought why not try out the local biz community, I can do this from 8:00 a.m. to noon.

I really only need one question answered from you good people:

If you had clutter, would you respond to this letter? Yes or No?

Thanks!

Are your storage areas or supply closets in complete disarray?

It’s real funny when you see on T.V. the unfortunate person who opens a closet door and all the mops, buckets, and everything else falls out and won’t go back in!

It’s a real hoot alright, until something falls on someone or somebody trips and a Workers Comp. action is filed. OUCH! Now that hurts.

Do you have clutter hiding in a closet, stuffed away in that office corner, or stacked up against the wall on the floor? Take reasonable action to remove falling and tripping hazards and have your clutter gone now.

Do you have Fire Safety hazards like boxes stacked too close to the ceiling, sprinklers, or smoke alarms? Blocked doorways or exits due to clutter? Don’t wait another minute to have this stuff gone.

My name is Timothy Thach (sounds like patch) and I’ve recently retired from over 20 years of honorable service in the Air Force. My specialty was in aircrew and passenger flight safety. As a top enlisted manager, one of my main responsibilities was providing a safe work environment for my fellow airmen. A big part of that responsibility was performing work area safety inspections. I know about the hazards from clutter. And…

Taking care of clutter was an important part of my job.

Often, it didn’t matter whose clutter it was, if the commander told me to “Just get rid of it!” I had to move it and move it fast!

This is how I can help you.

Remember that area where stuff is just piling up, or sitting around taking up floor, office, or closet space?

Is there stuff put out back so it’s out of sight and out of mind?

Pick up your phone right now and dial xxx-xxx-xxxx and I’ll take it all away faster than you can say Jack-Be-Nimble!

--- OVER ---

I WANT THAT STUFF GONE, AND I WANT IT GONE NOW!!!

Right now is the best time to call me. My calendar fills up pretty fast and I may not be able to help you as quickly as you need me.

I charge $25 to take everything away quickly and professionally.




Timothy A. Thach
West Point, Utah
XXX-XXX-XXXX


P.S. I would be happy to clear your clutter at home too. Think about your garage, basement, storage shed, barn, wherever. I only perform this service on Saturdays by appointment only. I charge a little more for this service because there’s usually a little more clutter to move. $45



100% Satisfaction Guarantee. If for any reason, you are not pleased with my clutter removal service, you won’t have to pay me one penny.

Re: If you had clutter, would you respond to this letter?
 

Hi, Tim,

I like the concept but think the sales letter needs some work. It's too general and needs more detail and 'punch' to it. You also repeat the initial scenario and pitch near the end. Try for something different.

How about trying to find a place to hang someone's coat or put an umbrella in the closet? I know this is often a problem in many offices when the weather is inclement.

Try telling a story to 'set the scene' and lend some punch to the pitch.

Hope this is a bit of help.

Sandi Bowman

Re: If you had clutter, would you respond to this letter?
 

Hi Tim,

I'd hit them over the head with the benefits, benefits, and more benefits, right from the beginning... (I'd probably use a headline too...) Spell it out very explicitly... What's in it for them? For example, exactly how will this help them with their business?

Perhaps something like...


Did you know - disorganization and clutter is costing you and your business money. All those extra minutes it takes you to find something, or to move something out of the way to get to something else - they all add up. In the end, it means you're WASTING money and time.

How much money are you throwing away with too much clutter - money that could be going in your pocket, or back into your business?

I offer a service to help you get rid of your clutter. With my help, you and your staff will work more efficiently - and that will help the bottom line. Can you afford NOT to get this service?

etc. etc.

Anyway, that's something off the top of my head... I know we have some good copywriters here, though, who could probably do better... ;)

If you haven't read any copywriting books, I'd probably start with "Tested Advertising Methods" by John Caples and Fred E. Hahn, since that gives you some good basics...

I'd probably also start a free email list, with "decluttering tips", and encourage people to sign up for it (on your website). Every time you send out a new "decluttering tip", it reminds people about your service... (Of course, you put a little sales pitch or special offer after each "decluttering tip" you send out...) Since you're targeting businesses, you could even try "faxing" (with permission) your decluttering tips out. (I don't know if that would work well or not - but it might get past all the "clutter" in everyone's email!)

Cheers,

Dien

Re: If you had clutter, would you respond to this letter?
 

Hi Tim,

I really like the part in your letter where you write about how you did "work area safety inspections" while you were in the Air Force... That really adds great credibility, and I think however your letter turns out in the end, you should keep that part in. :)

Cheers,

Dien

Nope...
 

Tim,

Thanks for asking.

*I* wouldn't respond to that letter for several reasons...

Disarray is a subjective thing.

The Mop and Bucket falling out thing, seems pointless.

I don't give a rats about your time in the Air Force.

If I was concerned with Safety I wouldn't have stacked that pile of boxes near the firealarms in the first place or created Tripping Hazards. So that angle is ineffective.

And I think this Clutter is important to me otherwise I'd have tossed it out with the trash or had the Cleaner remove it.

I've got an idea for a letter but need to know, what actually is it you are offering? Trash removal? Something else.

Michael Ross

P.S. I once saw this guarantee on a skip bin - Satisfaction Guaranteed or your Rubbish Returned.

Re: Nope...
 

I agree in that I think that the "safety" angle is probably not a strong "selling" point... (Not unless you can tie it in to making or saving money somehow...)

However, I think mentioning military service is a plus. I think that's because many people associate military service with discipline and professionalism. So it suggests that he'll be disciplined, and do a professional job. (At least that's what went through my mind when I read that section.)

Cheers,

Dien

Re: If you had clutter, would you respond to this letter?
 

Hi Tim,

I could never just say Yes or No... :)

Don't mean to change your idea...

But my Advice is to Research and Study some of the Good “Clutter” related web sites...

Borrow some of their ideas..

To Help Fine Tune and Brainstorm a little...

Content... Copywriting... Forum questions & answers... Clutter Articles...

Maybe even Use some of their stuff... As an Affiliate and Blend your idea into a Unique Clutter Service concept...

Clutter Hotsheets? With a variety of Upsell and backend Services & Products...

Who knows Maybe even 1800gotclutterdotcom... ;)

http://www.1800gotjunk.ca/
http://www.1800gotjunk.com

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&c...Search&me ta=

http://www.onlineorganizing.com/Cale...asp?holiday=10
http://organizedhome.net/
http://www.thespacialist.com/

Phil

So far, so good. Keep'em coming!
 

Thanks for the great responses

Inconvenience, cost savings, anti-or pro- military.

BTW, most of the people in this area appreciate our military. So I'm going to keep that part in.

The main purpose of this direct response letter is two-fold:

1) Make the reader realize that clutter can be dangerous in the work place, and I'm the one to take it away now.

2) Call me.


I don't have any idea how to put a dollar value on how clutter is wasteful or costly.

But I do know that clutter can be dangerous, and if it's not dealt with, people can get hurt and law suits can be filed. That's my experience.

Again, many thanks and keep'm coming!:)

I'd never think to put back any clutter whether or not I was paid. After all, I can do things with clutter.

charge more
 

I like Phil's idea of checking out the competition.

I think 1-800-got-junk charges hundreds of dollars.

Charge more or tell the consumer how much he can save by using you
instead of a franchised junk dealer.

No! BUT...what about this....
 

Hey Tim...my opinion is that, most people who have "clutter"...don't know or even care...that they have "clutter"....unless they're "Virgos". And, I don't think people want anyone "messing with their stuff". IF your letter happens to grab their interest, the first thing that comes to their mind (imho) is, "I'm going to have to sort this stuff out myself anyway, so, why don't I just take it one extra step to the garbage can?'

You have 4 hours available from 8 till noon. Why not consider "Cleaning Parking Lots" of small strip malls, apartment complexes, bowling alleys, movie theatres, dept stores?

These people all have garbage and "clutter" in their parking lots that they'd like to have "outa there"!

1) Choose a certain section of your town that has some small strip malls, apartment complexes...etc

2) Look for a sign that gives the name of the leasing agent or property mgr....or you may have to call one of the tenants.

3) Phone them and tell them YOU would like to "give them an estimate of cleaning their parking lot.
You are doing what's known as "Introductory Calling"....where you simply are "introducing yourself and your service".
"Hello Mr_____ My name is Tim Thach. My business is "Cleaning Parking Lots". I specialize in providing daily or weekly parking lot litter cleanup to keep your property free from litter, debris and broken glass. I can provide you with daily or weekly service for less than you are paying now. Can I stop by and give you an estimate?"

Don't get discouraged if you get some "nos". YOU have a "Unique Service" to offer. One they may not have heard of before. There are "sweeping" services in most areas BUT, these are expensive and...they aren't done every day. Your service "should" be "Daily" to keep the cleanest appearance.

4) Meet with them...discuss their needs...look over the grounds and write up an "Estimate" based on Daily, Twice Weekly, 3 Times Weekly, once a week.

Stress the fact that your service is "Dedicated" to "Cleaning Parking Lots". Stress that a clean parking lot helps attract customers for their tenants.

Pricing: someone I know who's doing this now, charges $20 per day based on 5 days a week or $440 a month (22 visits/Mo) for Daily Service (He can service 3 properties an hour)....$360/Mo for 3 days per week ($30 per visit)... $300/Mo for 2 days per week...and $240/Mo for 1 day a week.

His "equipment" is simply a scoop shovel, broom, push broom, trash can and a special "Litter Catch" he made out of wire that holds a large plastic bag with a wide mouth that makes it easy to sweep the litter into.

Your available time is perfect for visiting new accounts and...doing the cleanup. As you get more jobs you can consider giving up your "regular job".

There are very few businesses that specialize in "Daily CleanUp" of Trash and Litter of Parking Lots. The "Sweeper" companies do BUT, they also charge plenty for their service...and...having a janitor or someone already on the payroll do this is NOT the best way for management to handle their Lot CleanUp.

I hope I've inspired you to look further into this. The guy I know who does this has 5 or 6 workers and he's making a BIG Chunk of cash every month.

Don Alm
Make Money providing MENUS to Restaurants
http://www.menubux.com

P.S. Also...re: "Mailing a Sales Letter to a Cold List" is a waste of time and money. I'd CALL first...tell what you do...give benefits to why they should consider your service....THEN....ask permission to either give an estimate or "Mail" them more information.