Can anyone suggest a headline and subhead?
 

(I was told by Gordon that I could post this here)

I have a 1/2 page dietary supplement ad for a newspaper.

It's a "brain health" product that utilizes a relatively popular formula, but the product is private labeled for me.

This is the current headline:

Struggling with Memory- Many Choose “Miracle” Brain Pill

And this is the current subhead:

“UCLA Doctor Says Improve Your Gut Health To Clear Brain Fog, Boost Memory and Feel Youthful”

The headline and subhead do not seem to match.

My goal with the headline to not go over 8 words in length.

My goal with the subhead is to try working in some sort of USP/Proof/Credibility angle with a deadline.

Any smart people here want to take a stab at this?

Re: Can anyone suggest a headline and subhead?
 

Hmm...

It seems to me you might do better starting with the word "Memory" than with the word "Struggling"...

E.g. Memory Problems? Many Choose “Miracle” Brain Pill

I say this because you want your headline to "call out" to people who feel they have memory problems. I think they're more likely to notice the word "Memory" if it is the 1st word of the headline, rather than the 3rd word...

In your subheadline, I think it would be better to put the Memory benefit in the first place, or the last place, rather than the middle... e.g.

“UCLA Doctor Says Improve Your Gut Health To Boost Memory, Clear Brain Fog, and Feel Youthful”

or

“UCLA Doctor Says Improve Your Gut Health To Clear Brain Fog, Feel Youthful and Boost Memory”

I say this because your headline calls out to people with memory problems. In a list, I've read people remember most the first item and the last item, so you draw attention to memory more if you put it first or last in the list, rather than in the middle...

Also in the sub-head, I think if you have something like...

“UCLA Doctor Shows How To Improve Your Gut Health To Boost Memory, Clear Brain Fog, and Feel Youthful”

I think saying that the doctor "shows how to" do this could induce more curiosity... It promises that if they read further, they will find out "how" they can do it themselves...

Well, those are some thoughts...! Could be worth testing... :)

Best wishes,

Dien

Re: Can anyone suggest a headline and subhead?
 

For me, they don't grab my attention or intrigue me enough to want to read on.

Not quickly got any suggestions of my own (sorry!) but there's a free headline generator on this site that essentially teases out the various components you might want to include and then generates a whole bunch of headlines.

Ted Nicholas suggests going old school and writing out each headline on a 3x5 card (I've done it with sliced up pieces of paper) and laying them all out on a table or the floor, then seeing which ones literally leap out at you, then selecting from there.

And as Dien says, testing is the only way to know for sure. If the newspaper will let you split test (depends on circulation from what I've read) that would help in doing that, then code your response coupons and phone numbers to track.

Thanks Michael - TELL US More
 

Thanks Michael,

Your Headline and Subhead do not TALK to a specific Niche of people.

Question I - Are most of your diet supplement buyers men or women?

If Men -

Harvard Medical School just mailed millions of letter out
with this headline on the envelope.

MEN -- What Should YOU Do?
...For Back Pain...
...For Prostate Protection...

I'm putting their headline in my Gary Halbert 3 by 5 MAGIC HEADLINE Box.

Question II - How old are the biggest group of your buyers?

Important.

I had a client running a successful radio ad for A Pain Relief Analgesic rub Product.

New city -
New Radio Station -
Suddenly the ad bombed.

CLIENT COMPLAINED.

I CHECKED the Radio Station Demographic.

(Which they give out FREE)

Mostly young folks listening during Rush hour.

WRONG Radio Age NICHE.

WE
SWITCHED
to a different Radio Station - Golden Oldies

WHAM - Thousands of orders coming in.

You need to provide MORE INFO before
I can Help you BEAT your current Headline.

You
are set up for A/B Split Testing - right?

Glenn

Re: Can anyone suggest a headline and subhead?
 

Place at the very top...

New Scientific Healthcare Breakthrough...

UCLA Doctor Discovers Exciting New Miracle Formula That
Improves Your Gut Health -- Clears Brain Fog -- Boosts Your Memory --
And Helps You Feel Like A Teeenager Again!

Now You Can Drink From The Fountain of Youth in less than 30 Minutes!

In the time it takes you to read this letter you can...

Re: Can anyone suggest a headline and subhead?
 

Sorry,

8 Words is going to be difficult to get it all in there. I CAN be done.

But...IT's going to be HARD WORK!

Best wishes,

Donnie :D