I said... Are you lookin' at me?

No.

Are you lookin' at my girl?

No.

NO! Why? Ain't she good enough for ya!?

No, no. She's very attractive.

Oh, so you were lookin' at her then!!!?

Gulp.

Forget CATS. Forget Oaklahoma. Forget Broadway.

The best theater is the human theater. And it's playing every day at a shopping mall near you.

Just go on down. Grab a Coke and dog. Have a seat and enjoy the show.

Watch the silly man get to the top of the escalator, just stop and let everyone behind him bunch up trying not to knock him flying while he figures out which way he wants to go.

See the slow walking woman zig and zag from one side of the main walkway to the other while the fast people play dodgemcars trying to not walk into the back of her.

Look on as the old man leaves his shopping cart in the middle of the isle, sideways, while he stands with a lost gaze staring at the wide selection of denture cream.

Be amazed as little Johnny gets his mom to buy him a gross of chocolate bars.

Hold your breath as the young woman tells the dress shop owner that while they reserve the right to check her bags, she reserves the right to tell them to go to hell - look, it says that very thing on her t-shirt.

Close your eyes and peek through your fingers as old Gladys tries to park her teeny tiny car in the huge space and needs 38 goes to get it right.

Ah, the human theater. The best show on earth. It's free and it's playing across the nation NOW.

What will you see today?

Michael Ross.