I feel so-o-o much better now!

In elementary school, I parroted what I'd learned at home. Very little was new, and it took all of 5 or ten minutes to learn. And 3 to 4 months to regurgitate over and over and over . . .

In high school as a freshman, I took swimming classes. Mind you, I can't swim a lick! (I can jelly-fish float.) But I got an A in swimming.

How, you ask? I took showers!

In college, I got back a paper (English) that had a 'D' erased, and an A- written over the top of the erasure. What happened, you ask?

I attended a luncheon that was held to acknowledge all the scholarship students. (Just a few days prior to the luncheon, I'd completed the paper and handed it in.) The English teacher was there, and saw me.

Voila! One 'A' coming up.

Schools (and teachers) aim at the middle. Few, if any, are equipped to handle those who are very smart (cerebrally), and those whose talents are expressed in ways other than memorization and regurgitation.

I'm a certified teacher. I have a degree in Mathematics (Master of Arts in Teaching (M.A.T.) Mathematics. Yet, I'm engaged in something that provokes many people to ask "Why are you here?" I quit teaching just toward the end of the school year, when the bus company - MY GOD! THE G-DD-MNED BUS COMPANY! - got the district to change the starting and ending times of the school day. (Sheesh! If God had only known what the schools would require, He'd have made kids (and teachers!) differently.

Few people accept that 'braindead' activity that pays the bills while I come to grips with my damned 'reluctant entrepreneur' is all I want. I refuse to think at the level of compensation I'm receiving. ('cept as is necessary to ensure that I don't go home in a body bag, or that we don't have a sequel to 9-11)

I say reluctant entrepreneur because I never thought of myself as a risk-taker, yet, anymore, I look back - both years back and to the recent (as in yesterday) past, and realize that that's all I've ever been. I can and HAVE said "To hell with it" to jobs that leech at my essential self-recognition, self-acceptance, and self-reliance, and yes - self-satisfaction that what I'm doing has merit if only to my being able to sustain myself - that characterizes the entrepreneur. 'Cept I didn't have the vision to create the substitute, self sufficient activity that would sustain me. Nor did I ever get encouragement to just 'go for it.' So, I just 'effing' quit!

I never realized that that gnawing feeling in my gut was my entrepreneur wanting to express. Never did I Identify with a group of people who take that essential 'dissatisfaction' with the routine as signals to themselves that they can do it on their own. I was brought up in the "get a good job" school of thought.

Sigh.

I've forgotten which post I'm responding to!

That's ok. This is SOW, where I can touch bases with sanity . . .

Marye