Hey Taylor...

How have you been! Thought I'd add my two cents.

> Is lack of courage. Lack of self-knowledge.
> Lack of understanding that everyone can
> succeed.

Lack of courage? I don't know. Take many of those people that are so quickly labelled as having lack of courage. Place them on the curb of a sidewalk. Then place a baby in the middle of the street with a car bearing down on the baby at 90 miles per hour. I think you'd see courage in more cases than not.

But, perhaps what you term as lack of courage might be more aptly viewed as lack of self worth?
Lack of confidence, even?

I believe that courageous people are not free of fear. They have fear, too. They just do what they need to do despite the fear.

I recall sitting on my grandpapa's knee while he reminisced about world war one. About telling me how very very afraid he was - and how he felt he did not deserve the label of "courageous" that he earned, because he knew how afraid he was. That was when I learned that courage did not erase fear. It meant being afraid, and going on anyway.

> You may disagree but our society fails us
> all in the respect that it refuses to teach
> us about our own individuality, even on a
> spiritual level.

Do you feel this is our "society" teaching us this? I feel that in this day and age, one of the saddest things to see is the loss of accountability. People too often blame "society" when they should, perhaps, be looking a little closer to home.

For the first 4-6 years of a child's life, the formative years, the child has very little interaction with "society". Then, even when a child starts school, their little world really only expands to include their little schoolfriends and their teacher.

I may ruffle a few feathers in saying this, but
how many parents discipline their children using the word "BAD" repeatedly? Bad boy... bad little girl. Bad, bad, bad.

How many children grow up hearing their parents say things like; "Why can't you get an A, like your brother? Why can't you sit quiet, like your sister?"

How many primary (years 1-5) grade teachers say "Very good, Johnny!" with a big beaming smile and a pat on the head when the answer is right.... and frown disapprovingly when the answer is wrong? How seldom does the teacher praise the student for trying when the answer is wrong? Not too often. (Yes, I do realize there are exceptions... I was fortunate enough to have one of those exceptions as a teacher)

How many teachers quickly label a child, and write on report cards that the child needs to "apply themselves" more, or concentrate better? How quickly does the parent take the teacher's opinion as gospel, and reprimand the child for daydreaming or not paying attention.

How many of these "adults" bother to check the child's hearing or vision. How many children are dyslexic and this goes undiscovered for years because the adults all assume the child is not trying. How many of these children are bright students that are so bored out of their tree that their daydreams are more exciting than the class.
How many of these children have family problems in their home?

All too often, both the teacher and the parents are all too quick to lay blame on the child.

Have you ever noticed that "famous" people seem to often have siblings that also become famous in their own right? Ann Landers and Dear Abby... Joan and Jackie Collins... John and James Belushi... Emilio Esteves and Charlie Sheen... need I go on?

Perhaps... just perhaps, that could be food for thought? Perhaps the self worth and self confidence that the many, many sets of famous "siblings" might indicate that we learn self worth at home, from our family?

More food for thought. Basic psychology teaches us that the human mind does not visualize a negative. Instead it visualizes the positive action associated with the negative words. Confusing? Here's an example. If someone yelled really, really loudly....

DON'T SLAM THE DOOR!

Most humans would automatically visualize a door slamming.

Now take that concept and apply it to Mommy or Daddy saying "I don't want to see another C on your report card." or.. "Don't fight with your brother." "don't this, don't that..."

What counterproductive ways to talk to our children. Yet it happens every day, all over the world.

How much simpler to say, 'Honey, could you close that door quietly?" ... "I would like you and your sister to find a way to share that toy - or else just put it away for a while" and "I would be really happy if you could turn that C into a B on your next report card. If you could do that for me, I will take you out for a special movie and dinner to celebrate!"

Strange how we humans set our priorities. We have to take a class and pass a test to drive a car to make sure we don't hurt someone. In many places, we have to attend marriage preparation classes before we get married to be sure we understand the committment we are making. In many places, we have to attend pre-natal classes to learn how to deliver a baby... something that WILL happen on it's own, with or without the classes, when the time comes. Just ask any woman who went into labor before her prenatal class finished. Yet... no where is there any "requirement" to take classes to teach us how to raise a child so they grow up with self worth, and self confidence.

> To overcome anything requires courage first,
> I feel. Where are you taught courage?
> But who is there to tell us
> this???????????????????

Here is where we learn it... and who will tell us..

If a child lives with criticism,
he learns to condemn.

If a child lives with hostility,
he learns to fight.

If a child lives with ridicule,
he learns to be shy.

If a child lives with shame,
he learns to feel guilty.

If a child lives with tolerance,
he learns to be patient.

If a child lives with encouragement,
he learns confidence.

If a child lives with praise,
he learns to appreciate.

If a child lives with fairness,
he learns justice.

If a child lives with security,
he learns to have faith.

If a child lives with approval,
he learns to like himself.

If a child lives with acceptance, and friendship,
he learns to find love in the world.
(By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D)

Sorry to make this so darn long. I'll get OFF the soapbox now. *laughing*

As always, just my two cents worth...

Linda Caroll




http://www.lindacaroll.com