Hi Sandy,

Some years ago, when I was heavily involved in training, I facilitated quite a few workshops. Also did a lot of one-on-one consulting...even for married couples who discovered that they didn't even know the person they had courted for years once they got married! (grin)

I wasn't a psychologist...didn't need to be because I was involved in education, not diagnostic work.

I was trained (in my certifications) to show people how to learn from a type of self-directed 'temperament' profile. It was designed to assist the participants in improving inter-personal communications...supposedly by helping to understand themselves and others better.

Usually, the information was very enlightening to the participants.

In some of my workshops, I came across a few people who said the same things that you say about yourself. They were very discouraged and looking for answers.

There are no right or wrong answers for the profile questions. The results showed the strengths and weaknesses of each temperament type. Sort of like the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator that is used in counseling, university and corporate settings today. Have you ever heard of the MBTI?

From everything I learned, it sounds possible, from the way you describe yourself, that you may possibly have a strong perfectionist streak.

Many of these temperament 'types' can't endure long in areas that don't jive well with their particular strengths and talents. They feel too 'at odds' with themselves and shut down.

Discovering my own temperament'profile' was a real 'eye opener' and helped to even boost my self esteem when I realized that we all have our rightful place in the world - and some of us, weeeellll, we really do march to that different drummer.

Sometimes, just getting one piece to the 'puzzle' of our individual complexity will sometimes serve as a catalyst to get us turned around and going in a direction that better serves us. Discovering who we really are - and why we do the things we do - can sometimes take a lifetime, even.

It's important to know that people whose personality/temperament profiles show a high tendency toward perfectionism can be their own worst enemy. They are harder on themselves than anyone else would ever be on them.

They often put themselves through grueling sessions of self- reflection in an effort to come to terms with shortcomings...to 'toughen up' and march on. But something eventually stops them.

They have a strong need to feel 'authentic' in whatever they undertake. Falling short of that lofty self assessment, they, sooner or later, come to a dead halt. They won't give themselves permission to advance after that.

Interestingly enough, these types have a tendency to bore easily IF they aren't doing what is in tune with their true nature. A sense of restlessness keeps them searching and seeking until they find their true niche.

There are a lot of profile 'instruments' available today - given in many settings from corporate to career counseling to people seeking help from psychologists.

These profiles help people to assess their own strengths and weaknesses to become better aligned with the best all around life choices for their particular personality or temperament tendencies. (Again the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator is one of the best known and respected profile assessment tool available.)

Could it be that perhaps you might be pushing yourself into areas to perform where it just doesn't jive with the 'real you'.

And, after a short time, the realization of being out of step with the real 'you' stops you from keeping on with keeping on. That inner critic that knows YOU best becomes louder and louder until you are overcome with self-doubt

Then, feeling that you are letting others, who matter a lot to you, down with your inaction might lead you to jump into something else too prematurely ...and the circle of behavior continues.

Using strengths, over and over that don't come naturally is tiring. At some point, one gets tired of trying to use their available energy and willpower to muster up and use strengths that aren't natural to them. Stress builds. And sooner or later something has to give.

David Keirsey authored a book entitled "Please Understand Me" which explains the various temperments fairly well. You can read more about temperment at his website and even take a short online 'free' profile at http://www.keirsey.com

If none of this resonates with you, then please accept my apology for taking up your time to read it. Pardon any rambling. I hope that it may be of assistance to you, in some part, to solve the mystery of the behavior that concerns you as described in your note.

I just wanted to contribute this for what it's worth...perchance that it might be helpful.

But Gordon, with all his wisdom and depth of understanding can lead you further into resolving your issues than my simple recommendation. However, you may enjoy learning more about temperment as well.

Best Wishes,
Amber




Please Understand Me - an elementary introduction to human temperment