Dien --

Pacing and leading - powerful stuff - when done well. Annoying when done poorly. The example at the party was a good one.

Here's a practical way to use pacing and leading in an easy to measure way. If you have or are holding a small child (we have a 4 week old at the moment) use your breathing to help them calm down or sleep.

Start by breating at the same rate they do (pacing). I usually do two breaths to their one since their breathing is so shallow. Do this for a bit then start to slow your breathing down (leading). The child should follow suit after a breath or two. If so then continue to slow down and they will calm down or fall asleep depending on their mood. If the child is not laying on your chest then make sure they can *hear* you breathing for this to work.

Obviously this assumes the child is ready to go to sleep and not something to use to manipulate them.

Works well for me and is very useful when a child is worked up and just needs to calm down - hurt or whatever. Start quickly including when you talk to them and slow down as needed.

Hope that's of interest to someone here.

-- Dan Butler

> Hi Richard,

> Thanks for the thought.... All I can say is
> "how true".... (and I'm not just
> saying that).

> I guess that links in with what is known
> among sales people as "pacing and
> leading"....

> Build rapport first... then go where you
> want to go....

> Be agreeable first.... then state what you
> want to say....

> It makes for better harmony and
> communication.... Many of us do this
> automatically without even thinking about
> it, especially if we want someone to like
> us....

> By the way, I also read a story about this
> -- though this is a story about a
> professional hypnotist.

> At a party, two people started yelling at
> each other, and were almost ready to get
> into a fist fight.

> There was a hypnotist there. The hypnotist
> leaped into action, and went towards the two
> people. But instead of speaking calmly, the
> hypnotist started yelling too.

> "YEAH, THAT'S TERRIBLE! THAT GUY IS
> TERRIBLE!" the hypnotist shouted, then
> started to gradually make his voice
> softer.... "But you should calm down,
> and take things a bit more slowly...."

> It worked. The hypnotist was agreeable first
> -- in this case, by shouting too. First by
> building rapport with the man who was
> shouting, by SHOUTING too.... then, took the
> man to a calmer state, after some rapport
> was built.

> I read this story in a book written by
> British hypnotist Paul McKenna

> Thanks Richard for the stimulating post! :)

> I love all that you've shared... :)

> Dien Rice