I bet the 4/18 issue of Seedzine kinda got you too, didn't it? (It got me, I know!)

I wanted to respond "Awright arready, Gordon! You did everything but use my name!"

The thing is that when I spend time in my own head, *that's* when the confidence wanes. Thoughts like "yeah, they can do that but I . . . " or, "who'd ever care about what I think. . . ," erode what bit of confidence I can dredge up.

I got a huge shot in the arm a couple of days ago, and as a result, I've been doing something consistently that I love - writing. It's been a lot of fun, and I've given myself permission to ignore that "bit" (thanks, UKers) that would hold me back.

Now I treat that hour or so that I TAKE to write the same way I treated the grapes on the vine in the yard of our neighbors long ago. Snitchin' a bunch was fun, and they tasted a whole lot better than the bunches they gave us regularly!

I let myself have a delicious twinge of guilt, and gobble up that hour (and infringe on vacuuming time, even) just like a little kid. And you know what? *I* like re-reading what I write. Doesn't matter if anybody else does.

It's my bunch of grapes.

When self-doubt comes a-calling now, I've begun to act as if it's an unwanted, uninvited guest who smells like mothballs, and I ignore it.

"Acting as if" . . . seems I've used that in situations before.

Marye
P. S. And yes, Gordon. I've begun saving my posts . . .