>

> About relationships.... Sadly, my girlfriend
> broke up with me less than 2 months ago
> (though we're still friends)

Relationships are extremely difficult and
you can see from square 1 that part of the
difficulty is understanding and balancing
1)what you want from the relationship
2) what she wants from the relationship
3) what both of you in common want and need
from the relationship
4) what both of your parents want "for" your
relationship

now what complicates this further is the
baggage we bring to the relationships.

bottom line: it's not just communication which
is needed but "real" communication about wants,
needs and desires.

My personal opinion is most relationships are
doomed to fail from the beginning because of
the complexity of issues involved. For a relation
ship to work you have to ask yourself(back to
square 1) what do you mean by "relationship"?
and are you "committed" to making it work.

Most young people think relationships mean they
are suppose to be in a state of "exhilaration"
most of the time. But the morning after the
night before, you wake up and wonder just who
is "this person".

One other thing it's been my experience that
women and men(not being totally politically
correct here..)or the "feminine" vs"masculine"
definition of "intimacy" is different. For
the yin(female,feminine if you will) the need
to be needed or to nurture is extremely important.

For the yang(maleness quality) the need to be
independent is important. Which is why most men
I know are always asking "what does a woman want?"

Another complicating factor is the "pretense"
couples engage in to satisfy each other's dreams
and desires at the beginning of the "courtship"..
My experience is "rarely" are we genuinely ourselves because we have an agenda which is for
the other person to "like us".

Oh boy...I'm lost now...bottom line..relationships
are difficult. And the best relationships are
the ones where 2 "whole" people come together
with certain common goals and yet respect each
others differences. It's crucial when beginning
any relationship to have a discussion about
"what does relationship mean to you at this point?"...

And if you don't like the answer to that question
move on...rarely can you make someone over to
be what you want to be...but how hard we try...
It's better to stay single and keep your "wholeness" than to be in relationship where
everyone is trying to "remold" each other.
Well then there's compromise..but that's another
issue(oh dear don't have the time for that one)

I know it's hard...I've been there..But Dien
you often find people when you "aren't looking".