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CH #6 - A Great Looking Testimonial Which People HATE Unconsciously
CHAPTER #6 - A Good Looking Testimonial That SUCKS Because it Chases
People Away. This is a Very Common But Deadly Mistake. Why Do People HATE this Testimonial on an UnConscious, Emotional Level? Let's count the ways. And what to avoid. I collect 100's and 100's of success stories and case studies and Testimonials a year for my F-r-e-e Ezine archive. And this is the most Common Mistake people make when writing up their Stories. FIRST... The Original Testimonial... ------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------ From a Couch Potato to World-Class Athlete At 36, Jim Pearson was an over weight, beer-guzzling, "good ol' boy" with back problems. He hadn't run since his college days 15 years before but started jogging in the hopes that his back pain would ease up. Jogging became running, and running became racing. He dropped 40 pounds and just kept getting faster and faster. He accomplished his transformation from couch potato to world-class athlete with no professional coach, no big sponsor, no backing, just sheer guts and determination-and help from Super Blue Green Algae, while holding down a 9-t0-5 job, six days a week. Certainly Super Blue Green Algae is an essential ingredient to his success. Jim Pearson Clearwater, FL ---------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------- Ok-dokey. Let's Rip it apart bit by bit. POINT I - I've got to admit to FEELING JEALOUS of ole Jim. And that ain't a good thing. Why? Because people don't listen to or imitate folks they don't like. POINT II - "From a Couch Potato to World-Class Athlete" A question for you. Just how many World Class Athletes are there running around in the world? Answer. NOT MANY. So unless You - Dear Reader - are a fellow World Class Athlete you will SHUT DOWN after reading the headline. Why? Because it doesn't pertain to you. You have no hope of reaching Jim's amazing pinnacle of success. So our goose is cooked Right At the Headline! ONE WAY to deal with this Kind of Headline is to down-play His Amazing Transformation. Perhaps... "From Couch Potato to Athlete" OR "How I Lost Wgt And Started Running Again" ============= ============= POINT III - Jim seems like a good guy. But READ sentence #1 & #2 again. Sounds like a LIE, doesn't it? BECAUSE... ASK YOURSELF. "Would I start jogging when I'm over-weight and my back hurts?" NOPE. NOBODY Else Starts running in hope that jogging is going to FIX UP their Bad Back. Even a doctor will tell you that is LUDICROUS. Silly. So Your Unconscious mental antennae are already smelling something rotten. Even if this is all true. It FEELS Not quite right. At 36, Jim Pearson was an over weight, beer-guzzling, "good ol' boy" with back problems. He hadn't run since his college days 15 years before but started jogging in the hopes that his back pain would ease up. POINT IV - I'm a runner. In fact, in college I joined a running club. And ran 100 miles per week. Why am I bragging about my running Magnificence? Because You Can't Run Anywhere IF you are in pain or OverWeight. WALK - yes. Run - no. So again - this Testimonial is off-key. I doubt Jim wrote it. So a non-runner - non-athlete wrote the whole thing and that is why it doesn't RING TRUE. UNconsciously - other readers besides me - will smell a rat. IF the headline and the first few sentences are LIES. They stop reading. "Jogging became running, and running became racing. He dropped 40 pounds and just kept getting faster and faster. He accomplished his transformation from couch potato to world-class athlete with no professional coach, no big sponsor, no backing, just sheer guts and determination-and help from Super Blue Green Algae, while holding down a 9-t0-5 job, six days a week. Certainly Super Blue Green Algae is an essential ingredient to his success. Jim Pearson Clearwater, FL =============== =============== ACTION SUMMARY - Ok. What do I need to do to re-write the above FALSE Testimonial? No help for it. I'd have to interview Jim. Or somebody close to Jim. A family member or running friend who knew the TRUE Details. I see many many Testimonials like this that are totally unusable. One Last Point. It's Important. A Good Testimonial or Case Study or Story is NOT A Hard Sell Professional Piece of Copywriting. DID You Feel it? Go back and look at it again. Kinda' polished and pushy don't you agree? Off-putting - isn't it? ----------------------------- ----------------------------- CHAPTER #7 - |
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