Skip Rosell
September 15, 2012, 09:24 PM
Hi Tom,
Thank you for the suggestions. I have put all your suggestions into the sales page as well as Gordon's.
Also it was great talking to you tonight.
Best of success,
Skip Rosell
Skip,
I looked at your sales letter. Here are my suggestions. First, your headline:
The Easiest, Fastest Way To Membership Profits
I think
The Easiest Way To Membership Site Profits
tells the audience they will make money setting up membership sites where your headline leaves them to believe they will make money by being a member in a site. Picky but it is a distinction I think important.
Second, your subtitle:
How To Set Up Your Own Money Producing Membership
In One Hour Or Less!
also leaves out the word Site. I ain't being a horse's ass but most people have been trained to realize being a member is membership. Hence, they may think they have to join YOUR membership site.
Third, fourth para under step two says:
You will make it fun and easy for them to get what they want and they will pay you for it
Leave off the words "for it". The "for it" is inherent in your sentence.
Fourth, this question:
NOW, how are we going to make money with this knowledge?
Delete the word now. It makes your question passive in an otherwise active atmosphere. Start with How are we...
Can you see the difference? It is in tone with the words above and below.
Fifth, this phrase:
I Practice it!!!
Seriously three exclamation points. All caps is BETTER, wouldn't you agree?
After all, you want to emphasize that you actually do it.
OK, that was my cursory reading. I'm off to dinner with the wife so I'll take a closer look when I return. I will also either email or PM you with any suggestions I have. If you contact me, please use my email address. The Pm thing drives me nuts.
All the best,
Tom
Thank you for the suggestions. I have put all your suggestions into the sales page as well as Gordon's.
Also it was great talking to you tonight.
Best of success,
Skip Rosell
Skip,
I looked at your sales letter. Here are my suggestions. First, your headline:
The Easiest, Fastest Way To Membership Profits
I think
The Easiest Way To Membership Site Profits
tells the audience they will make money setting up membership sites where your headline leaves them to believe they will make money by being a member in a site. Picky but it is a distinction I think important.
Second, your subtitle:
How To Set Up Your Own Money Producing Membership
In One Hour Or Less!
also leaves out the word Site. I ain't being a horse's ass but most people have been trained to realize being a member is membership. Hence, they may think they have to join YOUR membership site.
Third, fourth para under step two says:
You will make it fun and easy for them to get what they want and they will pay you for it
Leave off the words "for it". The "for it" is inherent in your sentence.
Fourth, this question:
NOW, how are we going to make money with this knowledge?
Delete the word now. It makes your question passive in an otherwise active atmosphere. Start with How are we...
Can you see the difference? It is in tone with the words above and below.
Fifth, this phrase:
I Practice it!!!
Seriously three exclamation points. All caps is BETTER, wouldn't you agree?
After all, you want to emphasize that you actually do it.
OK, that was my cursory reading. I'm off to dinner with the wife so I'll take a closer look when I return. I will also either email or PM you with any suggestions I have. If you contact me, please use my email address. The Pm thing drives me nuts.
All the best,
Tom
