Hi, Tim,

I like the concept but think the sales letter needs some work. It's too general and needs more detail and 'punch' to it. You also repeat the initial scenario and pitch near the end. Try for something different.

How about trying to find a place to hang someone's coat or put an umbrella in the closet? I know this is often a problem in many offices when the weather is inclement.

Try telling a story to 'set the scene' and lend some punch to the pitch.

Hope this is a bit of help.

Sandi Bowman