Hi Sandy :)

> It's called compensation. There are many
> people who "appear" to be successful but
> they compensate for feelings of inadequacy by
> working hard and making money, going to
> school etc. Just because you make a lot of
> money doesn't mean you don't have a fear of
> success or failure.

Wow.... Sandy, this is spooky.... I probably shouldn't admit this, but you are describing me pretty well....

> Oh my....why did you have to go there? ;-)
> Same thing happened to me...had to bring in
> all "A's" and now as an adult I have this
> trauma: "the need to please"...it is diminishing
> however because I realized you can never please
> anyone but yourself.

"The need to please".... Yes, I often suffer from that too....

I think it often hinders my attempts at "sales"....

But on the plus side, it does predispose me to a WIN/WIN/WIN approach, which I think is a good thing.... :)

> In fact this "over compensation"
> is the complicating factor in determining my goals
> right now. Sometimes I set goals and later
> find they aren't really my goals but
> "goals
> my parents want me to have"(substitutes
> for
> bringing home the "a's")

I think I went through that, but I'm over it now I think.... I did the whole academic thing, all the way to Ph.D. and even working in academia -- which may have been (at least partly) subconsciously to please my parents (who are both academically inclined)....

However, I've finally broken away from that and am exploring new horizons! :)

Sandy, I know you can do that too.... :) (Just coming here I think shows that....)

> Well, my Severe punishments or "whippings" anyone....
> now it would be considered abuse... ;-)

I guess I might have been a little bit luckier.... While I did sometimes get a spanking if I misbehaved, the worst I got for bad grades would be that I'd be yelled at.... My parents would be a combination of angry and disappointed at each bad grade, and if it was bad enough they might yell at me because of it.... But for good grades I got praise and enthusiasm.

I love my parents (don't get me wrong), because I know they had my best interests at heart -- but it is interesting how similar our backgrounds seem to be, Sandy!

> Oh...dien why did you have to go there? ;-)

Well... Sandy, we seem to have a LOT in common.... This is quite amazing! :) (At least to me! I hope I'm not boring everyone else to tears... :)

Thanks Sandy, I've found everything you've said so far to be eerily compelling! :)

Dien