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#18
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![]() Hi Sandy :)
> It's called compensation. There are many > people who "appear" to be successful but > they compensate for feelings of inadequacy by > working hard and making money, going to > school etc. Just because you make a lot of > money doesn't mean you don't have a fear of > success or failure. Wow.... Sandy, this is spooky.... I probably shouldn't admit this, but you are describing me pretty well.... > Oh my....why did you have to go there? ;-) > Same thing happened to me...had to bring in > all "A's" and now as an adult I have this > trauma: "the need to please"...it is diminishing > however because I realized you can never please > anyone but yourself. "The need to please".... Yes, I often suffer from that too.... I think it often hinders my attempts at "sales".... But on the plus side, it does predispose me to a WIN/WIN/WIN approach, which I think is a good thing.... :) > In fact this "over compensation" > is the complicating factor in determining my goals > right now. Sometimes I set goals and later > find they aren't really my goals but > "goals > my parents want me to have"(substitutes > for > bringing home the "a's") I think I went through that, but I'm over it now I think.... I did the whole academic thing, all the way to Ph.D. and even working in academia -- which may have been (at least partly) subconsciously to please my parents (who are both academically inclined).... However, I've finally broken away from that and am exploring new horizons! :) Sandy, I know you can do that too.... :) (Just coming here I think shows that....) > Well, my Severe punishments or "whippings" anyone.... > now it would be considered abuse... ;-) I guess I might have been a little bit luckier.... While I did sometimes get a spanking if I misbehaved, the worst I got for bad grades would be that I'd be yelled at.... My parents would be a combination of angry and disappointed at each bad grade, and if it was bad enough they might yell at me because of it.... But for good grades I got praise and enthusiasm. I love my parents (don't get me wrong), because I know they had my best interests at heart -- but it is interesting how similar our backgrounds seem to be, Sandy! > Oh...dien why did you have to go there? ;-) Well... Sandy, we seem to have a LOT in common.... This is quite amazing! :) (At least to me! I hope I'm not boring everyone else to tears... :) Thanks Sandy, I've found everything you've said so far to be eerily compelling! :) Dien |
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