Why do people have a fear of success?

I think we may be just using different terminology!

I love to push myself to the limits (though I usually do this more in my "achievements" than physically....)

I like to see how far I can go :)

There seems to be an adrenalin rush sometimes associated with it (even with more intellectual achievements, believe it or not -- if you physically push yourself hard enough)....

When I read what you wrote -- and translated all the physical stuff to "achievement"-oriented stuff -- I could relate to it completely.... :)

As you know, I did a Ph.D. in theoretical physics. There were a couple reasons why I did it.... One was that I did find some physics interesting. But the other reason was because it was DIFFICULT. I wanted to see if I could do it! (That's why I picked theoretical physics that is -- it's a difficult subject.)

During my Ph.D., I submitted my first paper for publication before my first year had gone by. That's pretty rare, and I didn't need to do that. But I did.... Why? Because I wanted to see if I could! I liked the challenge!

I must admit, my foray into ecommerce has multiple drives behind it.... One is a "lifestyle" and financial drive. The other one is I want to see if I can do it!

So.... Mike, I think we're actually pretty similar in some ways. I think we may just be meaning different things when we say "fear of failure"....

Mike, I admire and respect people who push themselves to the limit! :)

Dien

Nan ~

We all know what they say about "opinions"!!! ;-)

But I'm not so calloused I don't empathize with those who are not comfortable stepping out into the limelight.

Public speaking is a big fear of many... And it is putting yourself out for criticism in a big way. Same as for posting on the boards... I've made many posts over the years and still use my own name and original, valid, paid for, e-mail addy. No aliases... No Hotmail accounts.

And I've taken flack on the boards and have received notes of support at the same time. Many lurk because they are afraid someone will berate them, their post, or their opinions with a vengenace!

Some people are shy... My oldest daughter being one of them. But that's all she is... Shy. No fears... She plays high level volleyball and has colleges looking at her now. She's the captain and leader of her team. But she is as shy as they come.

My youngest daughter is a wild woman!!! Nothing she won't do or try!

Two extremes right in my own family. I agree with your post.

What I disagree with overall is the fact people want to give this a name... Fear of Success or Failure. Does my daughter have fear of either because she just isn't comfortable speaking in front of a group??? Or commanding a company???

She's comfortable leading her VB team!

Everyone has their own built in limitations and handicaps... Although now we refer to handicaps as "Challenged".

The guy cannot walk because he had polio... He's NOT "Challenged"!!!

Stephen Hawkens resides in a wheelchair unable to move or even speak without computer aid. Here is a man who is crippled from a disease, making a success out of his life.

It always seems to me when Liberals give something a name... It then becomes a "Cause". Next thing you know we are going to have "Fear of Failure Awareness Week". Complete with ribbons, and Jane Fonda all-night marathons, raising money for this cause.

Just admit it's uncomfortable and we don't like doing something... That's what I say! "I ain't doing this!!! I don't like it!!! Don't want to!!! Don't have to!!!" Pure and simple.

Too many attorneys in this world and I belive too many therapists. I wonder if Fear Of Failure/Success will soon be a recognizable disability in the sales industry. Just like "burnout" for air traffic controllers. ;-)

Well this is my last post on the topic Nan! LOL

As usual... I'm all alone in my corner!!! :-)

Here's to you Nan!

~ Mike

Hi Mike,

> Many lurk because they are afraid someone
> will berate them, their post, or their
> opinions with a vengenace!

Yes.... I know that's true....

That's one reason why we wanted this "no insults or personal attacks" policy.... So (hopefully) people can speak freely....

It's OK to disagree (we wouldn't be human if we didn't sometimes have different opinions), but we can do so in a respectful way....

Thanks Mike, again.... I always enjoy your posts.... :)

I believe different viewpoints are valuable.... If everyone always agreed, we'd probably learn a LOT less.... :)

- Dien

It seems this subject can strike a nerve and does have a personal ellement to it.

Whilst I agree with some comments made, others I disagree - the point is we all have our own thoughts and opinions which leads me to conclude ...

That a fear of success is not as clearly defined as some people state it is.

I personaly still have trouble clearly understanding a "Fear os success". Whilst I understand that some say people they don't want to step out of their comfort zones and don't want more success, I think its peoples fear of how they will handle success that hold's them back.

In my mind it all relates back to fear of failing once. Even if you know you can succed to the next level a fear of reaching it and having to take the next step, and possibly fail then is a fear fo success.

Mike, I loved you comments. I too like to "have a go at everything even if sometimes I'm afraid". I just have a need to experience differnt feelings and emotions. That in itself drives me and gives me energy.

It's called ....LIFE!

Thanks everyone for your comments on this subject, I might print out this thread and take it along to my next speaking engagement - I love a good argument ...er ... debate!

Lot's of success to you all...
Jason


Please don't click here - especially you Dien!

Dien -

Glad I could stir your "little grey cells" as Poirot would say :-)

I understand your dilemma as I've played on both sandboxes - big business as a corporate officer and small business as my own little company of one.

I enjoy writing on the larger stage of big business, but despise the requisite bureaucracy that accompanies it. I also enjoy the relative freedom of being a virtual consultant, with lots of interesting jobs, but relative freedom from supervision and restraint (except those of the clients which I rationalize as part of doing business!).

In my humble opinion, you should make SOWPUB as large as you feel comfortable, and then extend by 50% more. Stretch your dreams and actions to see if you fit a larger stage. If not, at least you've tried it on. If so, then you've not limited yourself.

BTW, these words apply to me and my ventures too, so thanks for the reflection in the mirror.

Take care, Bob

Dien -

It's in good old Newton's laws again - those that make excuses continue to make excuses as they continue in the same path.

Those that have some stimuli and energy (positive or negative) acted upon them, will of necessity change course, for good or bad.

In my opinion, change for change sake is not good - if one is truly happy in their lot in life, then God bless and let live.

However, if someone grumbles inordinately without taking action, then a little negative KITA (ala Peter Drucker) is in order and can help move them along their Path of Life.

NO judgement, just observation, 'cuz I've had a lot of negative KITA (i.e., Kick in the ****) applied to me by life so far. Very humbling! :-)

Take care, Bob

Sandy -

In a different way, I also have been burdened by the "grade thing".

I was born premature and lucky to live, so that from my earliest memories my mother (bless her heart) promised God that I would be special and amount to great things.

Now, that sounds fine on the surface, but "special and great" changes meaning as we grow up and evolve.

For my mother (as a single parent as my dad died when I was seven) I achieved greatness when I graduated from the US Naval Academy with honors a while back at age 22. She still applauds that accomplishment.

However, for me, every time I achieve something good, a little voice says, "This isn't good enough - you must do better to fulfill your destiny and your mother's promise to God!" And I'm not even very religious :-)

Now that's a good thing, since it drives me onward and upward, but it's a bad thing since I don't know how much is enough! Luckily, I've recognized its insidious impact on me and have done a lot of introspection and soul searching to counteract this unyielding voice within me that says I haven't done enough, no matter how much I accomplish. Sometimes, enough is enough!

I guess my point is that even the most positive message, when allowed to run amuck in the subconscious, can become an unreasonable force in our lives. Self awareness is a powerful counterforce. Introspection is key. And taking action and achieving YOUR OWN goals is an antidote.

So my advice is to step back, acknowledge your accomplishments to date, and consciously choose your next direction in life. Do it for YOU, not for ghosts of the past or chimeral rewards.

Regards, Bob

Mike -

I know what you mean. I was in Las Vegas at at conference staying at Circus Circus (I don't recommend it!). I kept hearing these screams outside my window and saw the 18 story bungie jump tower!

Well, I just had to try it and jumped - scared to eath the first time, but enjoyed the other five jumps (sixth one free:-)). What an adrenaline rush!

I did it because I was bored with the conference, but more than that, I needed to shake up my psyche - not to be macho, but to prove to myself that I could meet a new challenge and overcome a natural fear of onrushing pool surface from 18 stories ;-0

In my opinion, it's looking for and meeting new challenges in life that make life worth living. And it's not bungie jumping, dirt biking, sky diving or anything else - it's whatever brings out the adrenaline and adventure in us and makes us feel alive again.

So, I recommend stepping off the metaphorical 18 story tower in one's life and renewing one's sense of aliveness!

Take care, Bob

Mike -

Well said, especially about the perpetuation of life's discomforts as liberal causes! It seems that we in the USA today are trying to legislate and regulate all the "danger" out of life in every area. It's a pet peeve with me.

Life, to be interesting, has to have an element of uncertainty and (yes) danger to it to be worth living. More regulation means less freedom of choice, which bleeds from "acceptable" causes to our daily lives.

Keep up the posts, my friend - you're not alone in your corner!

Bob (remember the Boston Tea Party!) Beckman

You picked a great topic!

While I may have gone a bit wild with all my responses everywhere, I've learned a lot too....

It's been an eye-opening experience!

Thanks for starting it all off.... :)

- Dien