Down On My Luck - Challenge

In a post a little further down Michael Ross posted this, “Imagine this... you are out of work, have no money coming in whatsoever and cannot get any on credit cards or in any other way. You are too proud to go on welfare, have no products to sell, no customer list, refuse to get money selling your body for sex, refuse to get a job working for someone else for a wage and you refuse to sell any of your possessions. Knowing what you know now, who you know now and having the resources you currently have at your disposal, what would you do to get yourself back on your feet before you ran out of money?

You only have $1,000 left.”

Well this very closely fits where I am right now. Only I don't have $1,000. I left my job awhile back because I was having panic attack caused by flashbacks of childhood trauma inflicted by a neighbor, and the corresponding depression also made me very ineffectual at my job as well.

I moved back in with my parents to save money while I got myself put back together. But my car, filled with all my belongings, broke down halfway to where my parents lived. Getting that repaired took a big chunk of my money. I moved in with my parents. Then a tooth of mine broke in half and I had to a dentist for that. And then shortly thereafter there came a strong suspiscian that I could have cancer...and just about the rest of my money paid for tests.

Emotionally I'm better but still not entirely stable. I'm afraid of getting another job because I've found that going into uncontrollable panic in front of customers and co-workers isn't exactly fun.

I've been reading the posts here. Several months before I had my "breakdown" I had bought Robert Allen's "Multiple Streams of Internet Income." (I take heart from the story in that about the guy with manic-depression who is now a success).

The money gets tighter (I've now borrowed money to help pay my car insurance, and already had $1,500 credit before this all began). And I keep thinking, "What can I do to make money?"

I've done a few small things in the past month or two to make money. A yard sale got me almost $150. I bought a few small things to list on ebay that ended this weekend...the profit from that only about $20. This month I've managed to buy and resell a few things to people I know and made about $40. And I've invested in putting stuff for sale in an antique/craft mall like store. The money I pay to have stuff there, i.e. rent, is really cheap (I've compared it to others)...but so little of my stuff sold last month I again only made about $20.

When I first started selling stuff through this store I told myself I was crazy because it seemed like an insane thing to do when you're broke. And I talk now and then of leaving...because supposedly it's an insane thing to pay rent for something like this when you're broke. But something happens whenever I am there, or when I start talking about selling stuff there, or make plans on how I might posssibly increase my chance for profits, etc. I start getting excited...I actually start smiling, I start feeling like there's a reason for living.

But I am so stressed about the money, and the feelings of panic that surface now and then. For me Michael's "pretend" challenge made to get people thinking is so similar to where I am actually at. And I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I can get past the barriers of thinking like I've always had (as someone who has always been an employee not an entrepreneur).

I've always wanted to be in business for myself...but I've always listened to conventional wisdom that said you should have so much money saved before starting any venture. And it takes money to make money. It seems crazy to do anything when you are broke...but I also don't know if I'm capable of holding a job at this point.

I flip back and forth between being determined to find a way to support myself to thinking that I probably am not capable. Did I mention that I've been incredibly shy most of my life? So while I've thought of doing things such as clean people's houses I've gotten too nervous to do anything about it such as even let people know that I'm available. Desperation may soon help me overcome that. :)

Anyway, I hope y'all don't mind my really long post. For me it has actually been kind of a relief and release to write so much of this down. I hope to follow some of the suggestions on this board and hopefully come up with a solution(s) to my problem.

Thanks.