I was going to bet you . . .

that I could make *anybody* I encounter, smile. (I won't bet, though - I'd be taking your money unfairly. I'm going to read Remote Hypnosis, first.)

I don't know if I've shared this very much with anyone outside of my family, and I'm hesitant to do so here. But because I believe that I might be overlooking a few diamonds of my own, I hope y'all will indulge me and read this in that spirit.

For as long as I can remember, I've attracted people. (That's for want of a better word.) People look at me. If I've got even the smallest upturn to my mouth, they smile at me. I'm approachable - much to my chagrin when it's a moonie or a hari krishna type - even when I'm in a foul mood. If I'm among friends and their children are present, I'm the one who winds up with the kids around me. (Actually, it's anybody's kids - friends or not.)

What's more, in meetings or even social settings, if I speak, I'm listened to. Really. The group is silent until I finish.

Now, this used to scare the *#$!!*& outta me. I had no confidence and no self esteem. Zip. Nada. I thought I was ugly and dumb (now I realize I ain't dumb).

So if somebody stared, my slip must have been hanging, or I'd forgotten to button my blouse, or I had too much makeup on. If I spoke, it was probably too loud, or off topic, or something!

In truth, none of that was the case, ever. But I was truly puzzled by the way people reacted to me. One of my brothers was complaining about the same kind of thing. (Sunday was always spent at Mama's kitchen table, and we talked about a bunch of stuff, and we were talking about being self-conscious.)

He didn't have a clue, either, and he was as bothered by it as I was. (Made me feel a little better. Maybe *it* ran in the family. After all, my oldest brother, when at the end of a line of about 20 people, was noticed by the interviewer and summoned ahead of all those people. And he got the job.) We used to joke about using *it* to make money!

Three more things, then I'll try to get to the point. At the bowling alley once, I said something about all the new people in the league, and how I didn't know half of them. A friend remarked, "they all know who YOU are, Mary. Everybody will always know who you are. (You can guess what old "low self-esteem" me made of that!)

My doctor once remarked (and I don't remember the context) that if I walked into a room full of people, everybody would look at me. (Naturally, I shied away from rooms full of people.)

And finally, Calvin. Calvin was a bowler in our league. Every Saturday when I entered the lanes, he'd be waiting by the door, and when I showed up, he'd begin smiling and he'd grab my bowling ball and pretend he wasn't going to give it back. Once, I was in an awful depression, and I really wasn't up to the game, but I played it anyway. I asked a friend on my team why Calvin had adopted me. He said "because you're kind to him." I told my friend that I didn't treat Calvin any differently than I treated anybody else, so that couldn't be it.

He said *that* was the point - that I was the only person in the league who treated Calvin like "anybody else." He said I was the only one who didn't seem to notice that Calvin was mentally handicapped. (I admit that I truly hadn't given his mental capacity a thought, though I retrospect . . . )

Now, I've written all that for two reasons: I'm in a writing mood :^> , and I think there are traits illustrated that might point to my true purpose in this life. (Yeah, I saw Oprah's show yesterday.)

I also think that if I can just learn to embrace those traits, they may make the foundation of a good salesperson. (I keep cringing when I type sales. So I'm going to call it "helper.")

Your words have helped clarify one of my biggest hurdles - I'm not manipulating people to my own end, I'm offering a solution to a problem that can help them in their business or life. (And I truly couldn't sell or GIVE anything to anybody if I didn't believe in it, myself.)

I guess my real point is that all the types of reading I've been doing, and the tapes I've been listening to are helping me to understand that Mary is the one who has undervalued Mary. That I need to trade on those traits and characteristics - whether I understand them or not - to help others get what they want, and in the process, help myself to what I want.

(Maybe this is a good time to pick up Barbara Sher!)

Thanks for the one day seminar, Gordon. I've printed several copies of it and plan to have them posted in places around my condo where I can see and absorb the principles you've illustrated.

Mary