X204 - Business Communication or Erik learns to write a memo

Since I've told you all of where I am and what I'm doing, I've decided a few of you might get a kick out of my first assignment for a business communications class.

A kick is what I wanted to give after being subjected to it.

Maybe in a joking way, it can help solidify and reignite some of the reasons within all of us for not wanting to work in certain kinds of environments.

I know it has for me. And good god, this is just the first assignment.

The assignment was:

Memo 1

Your boss tells you:

I’ve recently been bothered by the number of employees wearing Walkmans on the job. They are appearing on the heads of employees of all ages, not just those in their 20s. While these workers appear to get the work done, they close others off by wearing these devices. This is a problem where employees are working in teams and interaction is needed. I'm also worried about the distraction the music could cause, leading to miscommunication, mistakes, and maybe even accidents. Send a memo to all employees prohibiting the use of Walkmans on the job.

(You recognize some of the arguments workers will present. Some will claim the beat of the music speeds them up, making them more productive. Others will say it relieves stress and improves the quality of their work. And some may even say it helps them tolerate the boring work they're doing. In writing your directive prohibiting the use of Walkmans on the job, you realize the need to overcome some of these objections. Use plenty of you-viewpoint, stressing reader benefits as much as possible.)

Ok, sounds like your typical "Office Space" stuff.

Simple. So I sit down. Open up my word processor.

Start creating memo.

Suddenly I realize I would never right a memo like that, that I could never have a boss like that. Ah, but I did get accepted to the Kelley School of Business. Cookie cutter, worker bee drone clones by the thousand fighting and sabotaging each other for the prestigious summer internship with Johnson and Johnson. (What am I doing here?)

No matter, I came up with half tongue in cheek (but not so clever) and half real garbage which I found to be absolutely perfect for using.

Here's my turned in memo:

DATE: January 23, 2003

MEMO TO: All employees

FROM: Erik Lukas, Marketing Director

SUBJECT: USE OF WALKMEN ON THE JOB

In response to a request from one of my superiors, I must inform you that the use of walkmen will no longer be allowed in our workplace.

The walkmans are a problem because they cut off interaction with other workers. The importance of teamwork in our organization is paramount, and we believe the use of walkmen is dampening the resolve and strength of our teamwork.

There may be a few who would argue that music makes workers more productive and can actually improve the quality of their work. We think this can better be achieved by more interaction between individuals in our workplace.

Thank you for your cooperation on this issue.

And here's what my memo is in the fantasy world: (And what I almost turned in when I briefly considered just dropping the class after a minute of looking at the assignment)

DATE: January 23, 2003

MEMO TO: All employees

FROM: Erik Lukas, Marketing Director

SUBJECT: USE OF WALKMEN ON THE JOB

In response to a request from the boss, I must inform you that the use of walkmen is from this day forth prohibited in our workplace.

The walkmans are a problem because they cut off interaction with other workers. Why, employees would simply be able to cut themselves off from the endless nit-picking and soul stealing which is so much a part of our organization.

The importance of teamwork in our organization is paramount, and we believe the use of walkmen is a crime on par with murder.

There may be a few who would argue that music makes workers more productive and can actually improve the quality of their work. We would like to find these individuals so they can be tagged, watched, and hopefully dismissed in the near future.

The fact is that there’s a lot we could do to improve the quality of our work. Not stuffing you in cubicles like sardines and insulting you with interoffice memos would be a nice start. But we’re not going to do either of those.

Bottom line: The old man doesn’t like walkmen. He’s old. What did you expect?

A few individuals may voice the opinion that listening to music improves the quality of their work. Indeed it does. But the workplace is no place to have fun. And quality is not important. Just look at how much time is put into crafting useless interoffice memos every day.

Personally, I’ll be buying a non-walkman pair of stereo headphones and listening to them instead.

Thank you for your cooperation on this issue, fellow slaves.

(I’m bound to fit in well, eh?)

----------------------------------------------

Kind of makes me want to buy Better Jobs and Cash Cow Profits and listen to it 17 times :)

Success,

Erik Lukas

I think it's going to take Erik a year and a half.

And Erik, if you are reading this, please don't take my taking the other side of this bet personally.

You already know I'm your biggest fan.

From a business standpoint, however, I'm simply evaluating the odds and trying to make a few bucks.

Robert Campbell


Timing the Real Estate Market

> I think it's going to take Erik a year and a
> half.

:)

> And Erik, if you are reading this, please
> don't take my taking the other side of this
> bet personally.

> You already know I'm your biggest fan.

> From a business standpoint, however, I'm
> simply evaluating the odds and trying to
> make a few bucks.

Yes, yes, so the odds should be more like 3 to 1. Jim will cover his back by changing the odds he offers in Tokyo overnight.

-Erik

Am I allowed to take that bet, Jim?

Because that would spare me the mental work. But then again, how would I occupy my time if not striving for the top of the financial mountain?

Also, "Business School Drop Out" is being added to my headline swipe file ;)

Success,

Erik Lukas

To: Staff

Re: Walkmans

Since you've resigned yourself to a life
of working for others, I'd like to share
one of the consequences in our work place in
particular:

You are not to be productive
You can't relieve stress
You must be bored with the work

I've been chosen to relay this message to
you, since I too have resigned myself to
working for others.

Bottom line: it's time to get out of here!

To: Sandy
From: The Boss

From the tone of your memo, and after 37 hours of review and departmental meetings, we've finally come to the tentative, non-committal conclusion that your memo was actually using a technique known as sarcasm to jest about our workplace. For shame.

You won't tell anyone else about our poorly camouflaged soul sucking plan, will you? C'mon, be a sport, and there's a nice corner office in it for you.

choked on my coffee! :)

Ugh - I'd hate work in such a workplace too!

And to think.... many people spend 50% or more of their waking lives living that way....

In my case, the book "Rich Dad Poor Dad" created the final impetus for me to get out and start figuring out how to "create my own life" the way I want to live it!

- Dien

Laugh. Everytime. Memos are funny things. And I never really know how they should be pronounced. So I just call 'em Memo/Meemo. As in "Look, Bob just sent a memo/meemo."

Erik, *I* would have handed in your second one. But that's just me and how I approached Uni. Heck, when asked about resonance in a test (Physics I think - it's been so long ago), I wrote that it was a period in time with Monet. (When you don't take Uni seriously, you have fun ;o))

Here's what I would have handed in if I had been required to write such a useless thing...

To: ALL STAFF

Well, it seems the old fart has got his knickers in a knot. He wants me to tell you all that wearing walkmans at work is not kosher. Something to do with communicating with each other, or some such nonesense. (As if these stupid memo things are communication - sheesh.)

Anyway. As it has somehow become my job to write these diatribes on anything you (which includes me) do, I have written this.

Look. I hate the bastard as much as you. But being here pays the bills. So for the brief time I am here, and putting away 10% of my income into an investment account, I act as if I am doing what I am told.

Hey, you all know the drill... do what you're told just while he's around, right?

Tell you what we'll do. We'll set up a Warning System. Whenever farty breath is in the office or walking around, we'll have his secretary (sorry, personal assistant for all you PC types) let us know. That way we can hide our walkmans.

The other alternative is to use walkmans with small ear speakers on thin cord. Not the ones that sit across your head - they are a dead give away.

Anyway. That's it for this memo. If I were you, I would ignore it like always, like you ignore all the other memos. Scatter brain will then ask me to write another one... probably about reading memos HA!

Probably would have been given a fail. But I may have had the honor of getting it read out in the next lecture or tutorial - who knows.

Michael Ross

PS. If you can, get hold of some butinoic (sp?) acid and scatter a few drops around the lecturers podium (we emptied a whole bottle). It's a good laugh ;o)

PS 2. Ignore what I just wrote above. Don't want anyone blaming me for playing pranks at Uni and getting kicked out :oD