Ever Wonder Why? (A bit on the humor side)

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of
that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

How does a shelf salesman keep his store from looking empty?

How can the weather be "hot as hell" one day and "cold as hell" another?

If women ran the Pentagon, would missiles and submarines be shaped differently?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?

Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?

What does it mean if you break a mirror with a rabbit's foot?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called "rush hour"?

If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?

How many people thought of the Post-It note before it was invented but just didn't have anything to jot it down on?

Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?

If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?

Would a part-time bandleader be considered a semi-conductor?

Can someone be a closet claustrophobic?

How do you know when you're out of invisible ink?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it homeless or naked?

If you ate pasta and antipasta at the same time, would you still be hungry?

If the folks at the psychic hotlines were really psychic, wouldn't they call you first?

If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?

Why do most countries have only one Monopolies Commission?

Why are wrong numbers never busy?

How can there be self-help "groups"?

Are there cemetery workers that don’t work the graveyard shift?

How can someone "draw a blank"?

Is there another word for "synonym"?

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

What could **** actors possibly do for fun during their time off?

Why do skydivers wear helmets?

Why do they report power outages on TV?

Is it possible to be totally partial?

Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?

If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?

When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out of its nose?

Why is it called "after dark," when it is really "after light"?

Why is it so hard to remember how to spell "mnemonic"?

Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

Why do "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

Why do "tugboats" push?

Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we’re already there?

Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

Why is bra singular and panties plural?

Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

Are people more violently opposed to fur rather than leather because it's much easier to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs?

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

Can an ambidextrous person make an off-handed remark?

Could it be that boulders are statues of big rocks?

Do bleached blondes pretend to have more fun?

Do police sketch artists start out by drawing chalk outlines?

Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?

How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

How would you throw away a garbage can?

If a mute swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?

If a person thinks marathons are superior to sprints, is that racism?

If vampires can’t see their own reflections, how is it that their hair is always so neat?

If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

Should a mute be yelled at for talking with their hands full?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

When you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?

Why do we recite at a play and play at a recital?

Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?

Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn't they be wearing nightgowns?

Why don't they call moustaches "mouthbrows"?

Why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up a project, I end it?

Why isn't "phonetic" spelled the way it sounds?

Why do "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him—is he still wrong?

GW have the same number of syllables?

Or why my mother told my dad the other night that "if you want a sandwich, you have to go out to the freezer and get some ice."

Was she trying to tell him that he was getting cold cuts for dinner?

I guess if he wanted a scotch on the rocks he would have to get some frozen bologna out and poor the scotch over it...

Anyway, that is what I am wondering tonight with my dad in the hospital after having a pacemaker implanted today.

He's due home tomorrow... But what happens if "Tommorw Never Comes..." Wait, that sounds too much like "Bond. James Bond." Or is it his first name and his last name "Bond"?

Or are there so many 007's named Bond that he must differentiate himself from his brothers, George, Paul, John, and Ringo?