The perfect trading system?

Hi,

After spending years and tens of thousands of dollars, I've finally created a mathematical model that perfectly predicts the past. Boy, am I gonna be rich!!!

[ Later ... ]

Crud, it doesn't predict the future, I lost all my trading capital!

P.S. This message is a joke, a parody of what some professionals actually do.

P.P.S. I'm only posting it because I'm in a bad mood.

Hope it was useful or interesting.

Best,

- Boyd

Boyd, you'll like this story. It follows on from what you've posted!

If you want to predict the future, it's easy.... Just time travel from the future, back to the past. Yes, that's what this guy did....

Unless, of course, you believe the "alternative explanation" of the SEC!

- Dien

P.S. I'm not recommending doing what this guy did - this post is for entertainment purposes only. :)

From http://movies.yahoo.com/news/wwn/20030319/104808600007.html

'TIME-TRAVELER' BUSTED FOR INSIDER TRADING
Wednesday March 19, 2003

By CHAD KULTGEN

NEW YORK -- Federal investigators have arrested an enigmatic Wall Street wiz on insider-trading charges -- and incredibly, he claims to be a time-traveler from the year 2256!

Sources at the Security and Exchange Commission confirm that 44-year-old Andrew Carlssin offered the bizarre explanation for his uncanny success in the stock market after being led off in handcuffs on January 28.

"We don't believe this guy's story -- he's either a lunatic or a pathological liar," says an SEC insider.

"But the fact is, with an initial investment of only $800, in two weeks' time he had a portfolio valued at over $350 million. Every trade he made capitalized on unexpected business developments, which simply can't be pure luck.

"The only way he could pull it off is with illegal inside information. He's going to sit in a jail cell on Rikers Island until he agrees to give up his sources."

The past year of nose-diving stock prices has left most investors crying in their beer. So when Carlssin made a flurry of 126 high-risk trades and came out the winner every time, it raised the eyebrows of Wall Street watchdogs.

"If a company's stock rose due to a merger or technological breakthrough that was supposed to be secret, Mr. Carlssin somehow knew about it in advance," says the SEC source close to the hush-hush, ongoing investigation.

When investigators hauled Carlssin in for questioning, they got more than they bargained for: A mind-boggling four-hour confession.

Carlssin declared that he had traveled back in time from over 200 years in the future, when it is common knowledge that our era experienced one of the worst stock plunges in history. Yet anyone armed with knowledge of the handful of stocks destined to go through the roof could make a fortune.

"It was just too tempting to resist," Carlssin allegedly said in his videotaped confession. "I had planned to make it look natural, you know, lose a little here and there so it doesn't look too perfect. But I just got caught in the moment."

In a bid for leniency, Carlssin has reportedly offered to divulge "historical facts" such as the whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden and a cure for AIDS.

All he wants is to be allowed to return to the future in his "time craft."

However, he refuses to reveal the location of the machine or discuss how it works, supposedly out of fear the technology could "fall into the wrong hands."

Officials are quite confident the "time-traveler's" claims are bogus. Yet the SEC source admits, "No one can find any record of any Andrew Carlssin existing anywhere before December 2002."

Weekly World News will continue to follow this story as it unfolds. Keep watching for further developments.

dno
> Boyd, you'll like this story. It follows on
> from what you've posted!

> If you want to predict the future, it's
> easy.... Just time travel from the future,
> back to the past. Yes, that's what this guy
> did....

> Unless, of course, you believe the
> "alternative explanation" of the
> SEC!

> - Dien

> P.S. I'm not recommending doing what this
> guy did - this post is for entertainment
> purposes only. :)

> From
> http://movies.yahoo.com/news/wwn/20030319/104808600007.html
> 'TIME-TRAVELER' BUSTED FOR INSIDER
> TRADING
> Wednesday March 19, 2003

> By CHAD KULTGEN

> NEW YORK -- Federal investigators have
> arrested an enigmatic Wall Street wiz on
> insider-trading charges -- and incredibly,
> he claims to be a time-traveler from the
> year 2256!

> Sources at the Security and Exchange
> Commission confirm that 44-year-old Andrew
> Carlssin offered the bizarre explanation for
> his uncanny success in the stock market
> after being led off in handcuffs on January
> 28.

> "We don't believe this guy's story --
> he's either a lunatic or a pathological
> liar," says an SEC insider.

> "But the fact is, with an initial
> investment of only $800, in two weeks' time
> he had a portfolio valued at over $350
> million. Every trade he made capitalized on
> unexpected business developments, which
> simply can't be pure luck.

> "The only way he could pull it off is
> with illegal inside information. He's going
> to sit in a jail cell on Rikers Island until
> he agrees to give up his sources."

> The past year of nose-diving stock prices
> has left most investors crying in their
> beer. So when Carlssin made a flurry of 126
> high-risk trades and came out the winner
> every time, it raised the eyebrows of Wall
> Street watchdogs.

> "If a company's stock rose due to a
> merger or technological breakthrough that
> was supposed to be secret, Mr. Carlssin
> somehow knew about it in advance," says
> the SEC source close to the hush-hush,
> ongoing investigation.

> When investigators hauled Carlssin in for
> questioning, they got more than they
> bargained for: A mind-boggling four-hour
> confession.

> Carlssin declared that he had traveled back
> in time from over 200 years in the future,
> when it is common knowledge that our era
> experienced one of the worst stock plunges
> in history. Yet anyone armed with knowledge
> of the handful of stocks destined to go
> through the roof could make a fortune.

> "It was just too tempting to
> resist," Carlssin allegedly said in his
> videotaped confession. "I had planned
> to make it look natural, you know, lose a
> little here and there so it doesn't look too
> perfect. But I just got caught in the
> moment."

> In a bid for leniency, Carlssin has
> reportedly offered to divulge
> "historical facts" such as the
> whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden and a cure
> for AIDS.

> All he wants is to be allowed to return to
> the future in his "time craft."

> However, he refuses to reveal the location
> of the machine or discuss how it works,
> supposedly out of fear the technology could
> "fall into the wrong hands."

> Officials are quite confident the
> "time-traveler's" claims are
> bogus. Yet the SEC source admits, "No
> one can find any record of any Andrew
> Carlssin existing anywhere before December
> 2002."

> Weekly World News will continue to follow
> this story as it unfolds. Keep watching for
> further developments.

When I saw "Weekly World News" at the end of the story, I knew the whole thing was most likely made up. And it is.

See: http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,630-627115,00.html

---------------
City Diary by Martin Waller
Netting a good yarn
March 29, 2003

AN ALLEGED Wall Street insider dealer, arrested after making a fortune from
suspiciously timed purchases, has come up with the weirdest excuse yet. Andrew
Carlssin, 44, told the Securities and Exchange Commission that he was a time
traveller from the year 2256, taking advantage of our well-documented market
collapse. The SEC is, understandably, unwilling to believe him. "He’s either
a lunatic or a pathological liar," said an insider there.

Such is the story,
apparently culled from a number of news websites, doing the rounds of the City.
Alas, it is merely one of the better internet myths. The SEC has never heard of
Carlssin, and several "facts" are plainly untrue.

It reminds me of Henry Turkelbaum. He was the workaholic New York proof-reader
who spent so long at his desk that his death there went unnoticed by colleagues
for days. Another myth, but well entrenched in "fact" now. The fictitious
Carlssin’s place in history is assured.

Copyright 2003 Times Newspapers Ltd.
---------------

> Boyd, you'll like this story. It follows on
> from what you've posted!

> If you want to predict the future, it's
> easy.... Just time travel from the future,
> back to the past. Yes, that's what this guy
> did....

> Unless, of course, you believe the
> "alternative explanation" of the
> SEC!

> - Dien

> P.S. I'm not recommending doing what this
> guy did - this post is for entertainment
> purposes only. :)

> From
> http://movies.yahoo.com/news/wwn/20030319/104808600007.html
> 'TIME-TRAVELER' BUSTED FOR INSIDER
> TRADING
> Wednesday March 19, 2003

> By CHAD KULTGEN

> NEW YORK -- Federal investigators have
> arrested an enigmatic Wall Street wiz on
> insider-trading charges -- and incredibly,
> he claims to be a time-traveler from the
> year 2256!

> Sources at the Security and Exchange
> Commission confirm that 44-year-old Andrew
> Carlssin offered the bizarre explanation for
> his uncanny success in the stock market
> after being led off in handcuffs on January
> 28.

> "We don't believe this guy's story --
> he's either a lunatic or a pathological
> liar," says an SEC insider.

> "But the fact is, with an initial
> investment of only $800, in two weeks' time
> he had a portfolio valued at over $350
> million. Every trade he made capitalized on
> unexpected business developments, which
> simply can't be pure luck.

> "The only way he could pull it off is
> with illegal inside information. He's going
> to sit in a jail cell on Rikers Island until
> he agrees to give up his sources."

> The past year of nose-diving stock prices
> has left most investors crying in their
> beer. So when Carlssin made a flurry of 126
> high-risk trades and came out the winner
> every time, it raised the eyebrows of Wall
> Street watchdogs.

> "If a company's stock rose due to a
> merger or technological breakthrough that
> was supposed to be secret, Mr. Carlssin
> somehow knew about it in advance," says
> the SEC source close to the hush-hush,
> ongoing investigation.

> When investigators hauled Carlssin in for
> questioning, they got more than they
> bargained for: A mind-boggling four-hour
> confession.

> Carlssin declared that he had traveled back
> in time from over 200 years in the future,
> when it is common knowledge that our era
> experienced one of the worst stock plunges
> in history. Yet anyone armed with knowledge
> of the handful of stocks destined to go
> through the roof could make a fortune.

> "It was just too tempting to
> resist," Carlssin allegedly said in his
> videotaped confession. "I had planned
> to make it look natural, you know, lose a
> little here and there so it doesn't look too
> perfect. But I just got caught in the
> moment."

> In a bid for leniency, Carlssin has
> reportedly offered to divulge
> "historical facts" such as the
> whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden and a cure
> for AIDS.

> All he wants is to be allowed to return to
> the future in his "time craft."

> However, he refuses to reveal the location
> of the machine or discuss how it works,
> supposedly out of fear the technology could
> "fall into the wrong hands."

> Officials are quite confident the
> "time-traveler's" claims are
> bogus. Yet the SEC source admits, "No
> one can find any record of any Andrew
> Carlssin existing anywhere before December
> 2002."

> Weekly World News will continue to follow
> this story as it unfolds. Keep watching for
> further developments.

Hi,

Seriously, all I need is a way to see 1 minute into the future of a realtime market data feed like daytraders use. If I could see what that little barchart was going to look like 1 minute hence, I could literally make thousands of dollars a day.

Maybe I'm not thinking of something that would make this possible. Picture a one-minute barchart (a normal barchart where each bar represents the price movement over the course of one minute). How can I see what that puppy is going to look like 1 minute from now?

Thanks in advance for any comments....

Best,

- Boyd

It was a fun story anyhow... :)

- Dien

> When I saw "Weekly World News" at
> the end of the story, I knew the whole thing
> was most likely made up. And it is.

> See:
> http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,630-627115,00.html