I know you will agree with this one.

A thought for the day: Francois, Duc de La Rochefoucauld, said,
"We rarely find that people have good sense unless they agree
with us."

> A thought for the day: Francois, Duc de La
> Rochefoucauld, said,
> "We rarely find that people have good
> sense unless they agree
> with us."

Hi Richard,

Thanks for the thought.... All I can say is "how true".... (and I'm not just saying that).

I guess that links in with what is known among sales people as "pacing and leading"....

Build rapport first... then go where you want to go....

Be agreeable first.... then state what you want to say....

It makes for better harmony and communication.... Many of us do this automatically without even thinking about it, especially if we want someone to like us....

By the way, I also read a story about this -- though this is a story about a professional hypnotist.

At a party, two people started yelling at each other, and were almost ready to get into a fist fight.

There was a hypnotist there. The hypnotist leaped into action, and went towards the two people. But instead of speaking calmly, the hypnotist started yelling too.

"YEAH, THAT'S TERRIBLE! THAT GUY IS TERRIBLE!" the hypnotist shouted, then started to gradually make his voice softer.... "But you should calm down, and take things a bit more slowly...."

It worked. The hypnotist was agreeable first -- in this case, by shouting too. First by building rapport with the man who was shouting, by SHOUTING too.... then, took the man to a calmer state, after some rapport was built.

I read this story in a book written by British hypnotist Paul McKenna

Thanks Richard for the stimulating post! :)

I love all that you've shared... :)

Dien Rice

Dien --

Pacing and leading - powerful stuff - when done well. Annoying when done poorly. The example at the party was a good one.

Here's a practical way to use pacing and leading in an easy to measure way. If you have or are holding a small child (we have a 4 week old at the moment) use your breathing to help them calm down or sleep.

Start by breating at the same rate they do (pacing). I usually do two breaths to their one since their breathing is so shallow. Do this for a bit then start to slow your breathing down (leading). The child should follow suit after a breath or two. If so then continue to slow down and they will calm down or fall asleep depending on their mood. If the child is not laying on your chest then make sure they can *hear* you breathing for this to work.

Obviously this assumes the child is ready to go to sleep and not something to use to manipulate them.

Works well for me and is very useful when a child is worked up and just needs to calm down - hurt or whatever. Start quickly including when you talk to them and slow down as needed.

Hope that's of interest to someone here.

-- Dan Butler

> Hi Richard,

> Thanks for the thought.... All I can say is
> "how true".... (and I'm not just
> saying that).

> I guess that links in with what is known
> among sales people as "pacing and
> leading"....

> Build rapport first... then go where you
> want to go....

> Be agreeable first.... then state what you
> want to say....

> It makes for better harmony and
> communication.... Many of us do this
> automatically without even thinking about
> it, especially if we want someone to like
> us....

> By the way, I also read a story about this
> -- though this is a story about a
> professional hypnotist.

> At a party, two people started yelling at
> each other, and were almost ready to get
> into a fist fight.

> There was a hypnotist there. The hypnotist
> leaped into action, and went towards the two
> people. But instead of speaking calmly, the
> hypnotist started yelling too.

> "YEAH, THAT'S TERRIBLE! THAT GUY IS
> TERRIBLE!" the hypnotist shouted, then
> started to gradually make his voice
> softer.... "But you should calm down,
> and take things a bit more slowly...."

> It worked. The hypnotist was agreeable first
> -- in this case, by shouting too. First by
> building rapport with the man who was
> shouting, by SHOUTING too.... then, took the
> man to a calmer state, after some rapport
> was built.

> I read this story in a book written by
> British hypnotist Paul McKenna

> Thanks Richard for the stimulating post! :)

> I love all that you've shared... :)

> Dien Rice

Dan,

Thanks for that very interesting application of pacing and leading.... even building rapport with a baby....

I find all this type of knowledge fascinating.

And it is amazing how many applications it has....

To me, it is a form of applied psychology, somehow getting to the roots of our very being....

Since it goes below the level of consciousness (usually)....

Wherever you have to deal with people, these things are useful to know.... It can help with improving communication, and helping build a friendlier society, I think....

Like all knowledge, it can be used for "good" or "evil"....

Knowledge is a kind of power, and must be used responsibly....

Thank you Dan,

I'm learning here too.... quite a LOT....

Thanks for sharing. :)

Dien

Richard, Dien & Dan,

... and I admit I'm VERY biased, but in my opinion, the best in the business at this stuff is Kenrick Cleveland.

I met Kenrick in 1989. He was Jay Abraham's sales trainer at Jay's Protege seminars. I've never seen anyone capture an audience the way Kenrick does. He was far & away the most popular speaker at Jay's seminars.

We've since worked together on several projects, and I learn everytime I talk with him.

He has tape courses & an ezine available at the link below.

Richard Dennis




http://maxpersuasion.com/

Hi,

Richard pointed me to this discussion so I stopped by to check it out. (Thanks Richard, for the nice compliments.)

Here's some additional information for you on Pacing and Leading.

One of the key elements to Pacing and Leading is to make your "leads", in "bite sized" chunks. A leading statement that is to big of a logical leap is the equivalent of mental whiplash and is a sure rapport killer.

Example: (I'll identify each step below)

(pace) There are some powerful techniques you can use to increase your effectiveness in communicating.

(pace) One of those techniques is the use of Pacing and Leading skills.

(lead) Pacing and leading lets your message slip into the mind of the person hearing or reading your message in a natural, non confrontive way, that makes it far more appealing.

See how it naturally leads you from a place of agreement to where you want the person to go?

Imagine, on the other hand, if instead of that last leading statement, I had used this one.

(lead) So enough on this topic, what do you want to buy today?

See how that disrupts the flow (in this case by abruptly changing the subject)?

Ok, I hope this helps you further with this skill.

I've included a link to articles on this subject that I've written. The first one is on Pacing and Leading.

And while you're there, stop by and sign-up for my free ezine on Influence skills.

Kenrick E. Cleveland




Articles on Influence

Hi Kenrick and Richard,

> Richard pointed me to this discussion so I
> stopped by to check it out. (Thanks Richard,
> for the nice compliments.)

I like everything I've read from Richard.... He clearly knows what he's talking about, so if Richard says JUMP, I at least peer over the cliff-edge.... :)

From my experience, almost EVERYBODY is interested in these "subconscious" techniques....

Even before we knew a lot about them, I think all the great communicators were using them (subconsciously)!

> Here's some additional information for you
> on Pacing and Leading.

> One of the key elements to Pacing and
> Leading is to make your "leads",
> in "bite sized" chunks. A leading
> statement that is to big of a logical leap
> is the equivalent of mental whiplash and is
> a sure rapport killer.

> Example: (I'll identify each step below)

> (pace) There are some powerful techniques
> you can use to increase your effectiveness
> in communicating.

> (pace) One of those techniques is the use of
> Pacing and Leading skills.

> (lead) Pacing and leading lets your message
> slip into the mind of the person hearing or
> reading your message in a natural, non
> confrontive way, that makes it far more
> appealing.

> See how it naturally leads you from a place
> of agreement to where you want the person to
> go?

> Imagine, on the other hand, if instead of
> that last leading statement, I had used this
> one.

> (lead) So enough on this topic, what do you
> want to buy today?

> See how that disrupts the flow (in this case
> by abruptly changing the subject)?

> Ok, I hope this helps you further with this
> skill.

Thank you Kenrick....

> I've included a link to articles on this
> subject that I've written. The first one is
> on Pacing and Leading.

> And while you're there, stop by and sign-up
> for my free ezine on Influence skills.

I did check out your articles. They were Great!

Signed up for your ezine too....

Thanks,

Dien