Last Saturday I was at a...

...graduation (yawn)...surrounded by The Pretentious Pack with their red wine and inquisitive eyes...”So what do you DO?”

Some typical answers surrounding me:

“I’m an investment banker for Fidelity.”
“I’m a doctor of neuropharmacology at Mass General...”

Here’s a few new answers I want to try out:

“I teach cow-tipping classes.”
“I’m a fishmonger-in-training...”
“My name is Bond, James Bond.”

Of course, I didn’t want to say “Well, I hate all work, really. I’m just looking for a way to make big bucks while doing absolutely nothing...sitting by the pool drinking Dewar’s...with the Hawaiian Tropic girls.”

That always goes over well. Blank stares.

Welcome to the foppish game of “Who’s Winning the Rat Race?” (also known as “Who Here Has the Most Golden Baubles?”) Answers like the above automatically place one in the category of...Mental Patient (at least among this crowd), to where I have been relegated for at least the near future.

See, I got this degree in Film (hahahahahahaha...like there’s such a thing as a degree in Film...oh, sonovagun, looky there, I really do have a degree in...Film!). Many years later, I still get asked, “What’s your degree in?” This inevitably leads to “Ohhh….that’s SOOOOOO interesting...so do you work in film?”

“No, I sell supermarket equipment.”

“Really? How did you get into that with a film background?”

“Well, I filled out an application...see, I had to make MONEY to pay the rent."

More blank stares.

Does this banality ever end?

I’ve come to the conclusion that whatever I am...and that’s still a work-in-progress...and pretty much always will be a work-in-progress (because how do you ever know you’re THERE…wherever THERE is?) I am not ONE THING. Who is? Everybody wants to be defined and to define by that pointed-stick question “So...what do you DO?”

As if that’s what you ARE.

Don't let anybody do this to you. Remember, you are many things.

For example, I am a Sunset-Watcher, a Hamburger-Eater, a Guinness-drinker, a Stop-and-Watch-All-The-Pretty-Sights-Along-the-Way-Because-We-Only-Have-So-Much-Time-Type-Thinker.

Which is why I’m here. I don’t want to spend all my life WORKING, get to the end and say “So that’s it, huh? Where was the fun?”

This is why I visit the forums, and I’ve been finding a lot of inspiration. I’m working on Gordon’s “What do you want to do...and WHY do you want to do it?” Ah, but that’s another post.

So as you go to graduations with tinkly champagne glasses these upcoming weekends...

How about this...how about adding two little words to that phrase for the graduation ceremonies for certain to raise the eyebrows of the yachting crowd: “So what do you do FOR FUN?”

If their work is fun, they can talk about it. If not, they can tell you what they really like.

Not to mention, it might get people to start thinking about FUN instead of the usual B.S.

This may get more blank stares...but if you’re going to get blank stares…you may as well have a little fun with it, right?

Happy Graduations.

John Drake

GEEEEZzz...don't you hate"pretentiousness"...
when I get around that bunch of egotistical
people, I answer:
"I'd rather not say"...
and they always reply back:
"oh so you're one of those"...
(I have no idea what they are implying...I'guess
it depends on how I'm dressed that day)...

...graduation (yawn)...surrounded by The
> Pretentious Pack with their red wine and
> inquisitive eyes...”So what do you DO?”

> Some typical answers surrounding me:

> “I’m an investment banker for Fidelity.”
> “I’m a doctor of neuropharmacology at Mass
> General...”

> Here’s a few new answers I want to try out:

> “I teach cow-tipping classes.”
> “I’m a fishmonger-in-training...”
> “My name is Bond, James Bond.”

> Of course, I didn’t want to say “Well, I
> hate all work, really. I’m just looking for
> a way to make big bucks while doing
> absolutely nothing...sitting by the pool
> drinking Dewar’s...with the Hawaiian Tropic
> girls.”

> That always goes over well. Blank stares.

> Welcome to the foppish game of “Who’s
> Winning the Rat Race?” (also known as “Who
> Here Has the Most Golden Baubles?”) Answers
> like the above automatically place one in
> the category of...Mental Patient (at least
> among this crowd), to where I have been
> relegated for at least the near future.

> See, I got this degree in Film
> (hahahahahahaha...like there’s such a thing
> as a degree in Film...oh, sonovagun, looky
> there, I really do have a degree
> in...Film!). Many years later, I still get
> asked, “What’s your degree in?” This
> inevitably leads to “Ohhh….that’s SOOOOOO
> interesting...so do you work in film?”

> “No, I sell supermarket equipment.”

> “Really? How did you get into that with a
> film background?”

> “Well, I filled out an application...see, I
> had to make MONEY to pay the rent."

> More blank stares.

> Does this banality ever end?

> I’ve come to the conclusion that whatever I
> am...and that’s still a
> work-in-progress...and pretty much always
> will be a work-in-progress (because how do
> you ever know you’re THERE…wherever THERE
> is?) I am not ONE THING. Who is? Everybody
> wants to be defined and to define by that
> pointed-stick question “So...what do you
> DO?”

> As if that’s what you ARE.

> Don't let anybody do this to you. Remember,
> you are many things.

> For example, I am a Sunset-Watcher, a
> Hamburger-Eater, a Guinness-drinker, a
> Stop-and-Watch-All-The-Pretty-Sights-Along-the-Way-Because-We-Only-Have-So-Much-Time-Type-Thinker.

> Which is why I’m here. I don’t want to spend
> all my life WORKING, get to the end and say
> “So that’s it, huh? Where was the fun?”

> This is why I visit the forums, and I’ve
> been finding a lot of inspiration. I’m
> working on Gordon’s “What do you want to
> do...and WHY do you want to do it?” Ah, but
> that’s another post.

> So as you go to graduations with tinkly
> champagne glasses these upcoming weekends...

> How about this...how about adding two little
> words to that phrase for the graduation
> ceremonies for certain to raise the eyebrows
> of the yachting crowd: “So what do you do
> FOR FUN?”

> If their work is fun, they can talk about
> it. If not, they can tell you what they
> really like.

> Not to mention, it might get people to start
> thinking about FUN instead of the usual B.S.

> This may get more blank stares...but if
> you’re going to get blank stares…you may as
> well have a little fun with it, right?

> Happy Graduations.

> John Drake

So what do you do?

It's too long to explain. Here's my card - and hand them a card with this on it...

Your Name
Pychic. Alchemist. Scholar of the Royal House of St Jumbali. Appointee of the Court of Civil Councils. Entrusted Keeper of the scrolls of Molex. Croc wrestler. International man of mystery. Apprentice Sith Lord. Professional cow-tipper. Part-time Spy. Mouse Pychologist. Computer Potatoe. US Noogie Champion. Ideas Man. Renowned Finger-Painting Artist. Spoon. Astronaut. Astro-Turf Grass Blade Inspector. Stunt Double. Money Grubber. Klingon Translator. Human Divining Rod. Yogie. Human Guinea Pig. And Founder of the Milwaukee Fishmonger's Cult.

And for the times you do not want to speak to anyone... Say,

"IRS Inspector. Have you filed your taxes?"

:o)

Michael Ross

Although I am only 45, I have been thinking recently that I should decide what I want to be when I grow up.
Fun is right up there among my goals.

dno
> ...graduation (yawn)...surrounded by The
> Pretentious Pack with their red wine and
> inquisitive eyes...”So what do you DO?”

> Some typical answers surrounding me:

> “I’m an investment banker for Fidelity.”
> “I’m a doctor of neuropharmacology at Mass
> General...”

> Here’s a few new answers I want to try out:

> “I teach cow-tipping classes.”
> “I’m a fishmonger-in-training...”
> “My name is Bond, James Bond.”

> Of course, I didn’t want to say “Well, I
> hate all work, really. I’m just looking for
> a way to make big bucks while doing
> absolutely nothing...sitting by the pool
> drinking Dewar’s...with the Hawaiian Tropic
> girls.”

> That always goes over well. Blank stares.

> Welcome to the foppish game of “Who’s
> Winning the Rat Race?” (also known as “Who
> Here Has the Most Golden Baubles?”) Answers
> like the above automatically place one in
> the category of...Mental Patient (at least
> among this crowd), to where I have been
> relegated for at least the near future.

> See, I got this degree in Film
> (hahahahahahaha...like there’s such a thing
> as a degree in Film...oh, sonovagun, looky
> there, I really do have a degree
> in...Film!). Many years later, I still get
> asked, “What’s your degree in?” This
> inevitably leads to “Ohhh….that’s SOOOOOO
> interesting...so do you work in film?”

> “No, I sell supermarket equipment.”

> “Really? How did you get into that with a
> film background?”

> “Well, I filled out an application...see, I
> had to make MONEY to pay the rent."

> More blank stares.

> Does this banality ever end?

> I’ve come to the conclusion that whatever I
> am...and that’s still a
> work-in-progress...and pretty much always
> will be a work-in-progress (because how do
> you ever know you’re THERE…wherever THERE
> is?) I am not ONE THING. Who is? Everybody
> wants to be defined and to define by that
> pointed-stick question “So...what do you
> DO?”

> As if that’s what you ARE.

> Don't let anybody do this to you. Remember,
> you are many things.

> For example, I am a Sunset-Watcher, a
> Hamburger-Eater, a Guinness-drinker, a
> Stop-and-Watch-All-The-Pretty-Sights-Along-the-Way-Because-We-Only-Have-So-Much-Time-Type-Thinker.

> Which is why I’m here. I don’t want to spend
> all my life WORKING, get to the end and say
> “So that’s it, huh? Where was the fun?”

> This is why I visit the forums, and I’ve
> been finding a lot of inspiration. I’m
> working on Gordon’s “What do you want to
> do...and WHY do you want to do it?” Ah, but
> that’s another post.

> So as you go to graduations with tinkly
> champagne glasses these upcoming weekends...

> How about this...how about adding two little
> words to that phrase for the graduation
> ceremonies for certain to raise the eyebrows
> of the yachting crowd: “So what do you do
> FOR FUN?”

> If their work is fun, they can talk about
> it. If not, they can tell you what they
> really like.

> Not to mention, it might get people to start
> thinking about FUN instead of the usual B.S.

> This may get more blank stares...but if
> you’re going to get blank stares…you may as
> well have a little fun with it, right?

> Happy Graduations.

> John Drake

Michael, your card idea is wonderful! I've got a three day weekend and you can bet the farm I'm gonna spend some of that time crafting an "introduction to Elizabeth" card. And if you do place a bet, bet a huge amount! :)

I'm one of those whacky people who doesn't give a rat's patootie what someone does for a living as long as I don't have to pay for their expenses. And to me "So, what do you do?" is such a weird question. Depending on my mood and the person asking it, my answer varies. However, when it's a pretentious person doing the asking, I just say "I'm a creator." They usually respond with a "A creator? What does a creator do?" I try not to snicker when I reply "A creator creates." By this time, the other person is desperately wishing they had never started the conversation and will find a way to end it and get away from me.