Why do people have a fear of success?

Jason -

In my experience genuine fear of success stems from a fear of leaving a comfort zone, whether financial, social or emotional.

When I was in the Navy, I knew individuals who refused to take advancement tests because they did not want to be promotable. They were comfortable performing at a mediocre level, and they did not want to leave their peer group. They didn't necessarily enjoy their jobs, however, but felt they "belonged" at their level.

As a business consultant, I've encountered owners who would not take the necessary steps to grow their business because they weren't comfortable with the image of being more than a sole proprietor or mom & pop operation. They wanted the increased money, but not the image.

Many people refuse to get out of emotional ruts such as abusive families, debt, etc. even when shown a clear path out, because they don't know what to do without their pathology. They're comfortable with the situation they know.

These could also be examples of fear of failure disguised, but all are certainly puzzling to me when I encounter them.

Take care, Bob

Bob,

> In my experience genuine fear of success
> stems from a fear of leaving a comfort zone,
> whether financial, social or emotional.

> When I was in the Navy, I knew individuals
> who refused to take advancement tests
> because they did not want to be promotable.
> They were comfortable performing at a
> mediocre level, and they did not want to
> leave their peer group. They didn't
> necessarily enjoy their jobs, however, but
> felt they "belonged" at their level.

> As a business consultant, I've encountered
> owners who would not take the necessary
> steps to grow their business because they
> weren't comfortable with the image of being
> more than a sole proprietor or mom & pop
> operation. They wanted the increased money,
> but not the image.

I think I can understand what you mean....

I can see maybe two things here....

One might be lack of ambition, and the second might be just that people don't want the extra hassle they perceive could come from increased success....

I'll talk about an example from my own thinking (right or wrong though it may be)....

I have a very old friend who is also in ecommerce. Her name is T.D., and she is the CEO of Bookface ( www.bookface.com ).

(By the way, I've talked with T. about some of the difficulties faced by her being not only a female CEO in ecommerce, but also about the fact that she's pretty young -- I admire women like her who face up to these difficulties and manage to get things going and achieve things....)

By pure chance, our parents are friends and we knew each other well as kids. Recently, we got back in touch....

We are both interested in ecommerce, but from different "angles" you might say.... and she is probably the smarter one here than me....

My friend T. is playing in the big leagues. She has venture capital backing, and has support from such giants like Time Warner. She's doing VERY well! Her plans are ambitious, and I admire her for that! :)

As for me.... I THINK I'd prefer not to have Venture Capital funding, and to keep control. (Though this could just be my ignorance talking here....) That's why I'm working on this "little" project, Sowpub, rather than a bigger project.... (Though Sowpub could expand. :)

I don't have any experience with running a big company, and I'm not sure I would enjoy that.... So I guess for "lifestyle" reasons you might say, I prefer to be my own boss and keep things small (at least for the moment.... I can expand later....)

But I think you can have genuine lifestyle reasons for making such a choice....

I think another reason, Bob (based on what you said) for "fear of success" in the way you are talking about it could just be lack of ambition.... If people are happy with their lives how they are, then I don't fault them for that. Let them enjoy life, I think. :) But if they grumble, then they ought to do something about it....

However, Bob, you've made me think if I should have much bigger ambitions for Sowpub!

Thank you, Bob, for those observations!

- Dien

Dien -

Glad I could stir your "little grey cells" as Poirot would say :-)

I understand your dilemma as I've played on both sandboxes - big business as a corporate officer and small business as my own little company of one.

I enjoy writing on the larger stage of big business, but despise the requisite bureaucracy that accompanies it. I also enjoy the relative freedom of being a virtual consultant, with lots of interesting jobs, but relative freedom from supervision and restraint (except those of the clients which I rationalize as part of doing business!).

In my humble opinion, you should make SOWPUB as large as you feel comfortable, and then extend by 50% more. Stretch your dreams and actions to see if you fit a larger stage. If not, at least you've tried it on. If so, then you've not limited yourself.

BTW, these words apply to me and my ventures too, so thanks for the reflection in the mirror.

Take care, Bob

Jason ~

I too have spoken to groups of salespeople within our company in the past. At one time in my career I was considering engagement speaking. Enough so to join Toastmasters International and eventually Charter my own group.

The hours spent attending dozens of Seminars, company sponsored as well as on my own, have been enormous. Even Nightingale/Conant had me on speed dialer I think too! There are audio cassette packages which are almost worn completely out!

Tony Robbins, Ziz Ziglar, Michael Gerber, Brian Tracy books to name a few...

I realize my opinion wasn't asked for, but this is a topic which absolutley incites me!

It is my belief the "Fear of Failure or Success" is one of the biggest excuses going. Then to top it off... Dang near every Motivational/Inspirational Speaker re-affirms it in the peoples minds by giving it a name and justifying it!

"Yes. Bob has Fear of FAILURE!!!

What malarkey!What Bob has is a lazy butt and he's not willing to do what it takes to get somewhere else. I say lose Bob!!! Hire another!!!

Not everybody is cut out to be in sales... And if they do not have the Desire to succeed, they never will. They may have the want to succeed... But we all now how much "wants" will get you.

Once I spoke in our town on this very same topic to a group of business people in our Chamber of Commerce. It was a riveting talk! Full of emotion, hand movements, facial expressions and voice inflection.

The question was asked from the group, "How do you combat the Fear of Failure???" This just allowed me to climb atop my soapbox!!! ;-)

This happens in sports and life, all the time. If you cannot finish a Marathon run... Does it mean you have a Fear of Failure??? If you cannot hit 60 homers a year like McGuire and Sosa... Does it mean you have a Fear of Success??? If you cannot qualify for a promotion... Which is it??? Fear of Success or Failure???

And if you cannot pick up the phone... Set an appointment... Close a sale... Take a check or cash on the spot... Fear of Failure or Success???

In sports... Some just cannot physically do what it takes, at that time! We need to go back and train harder for the event. And only those with a 'Core Desire' to meet those challenges... Will succeed with more intensive training. Others will never meet those challenges regardless of how hard they train. They simply, physically cannot accomplish those feats.

Same in the Mental Game of Life. Some are just not capable of mentally attaining the heights of success, like those of others around them. Still, many can achieve a high level of success with the proper training.

So to encapsulate this... Fear of Failure/Success just allows others to put a name on it, and feel better about themselves, for not achieving a goal. It's a Politically Correct way of saying it's okay to be an underachiever!

Either you get out and pay the price to achieve the level of success you want... Or you pay the price for not achieving it. Either way... A price is paid! We all know it to be true!

Some individuals are natural Leaders. Some work hard to be a Leader. Than there are those who are going to be followers. Nothing wrong with being a follower. Many of my friends and associates are!

Some individuals will create their own companies and employ hundreds of people. Still others will always work for wages. Again... Nothing wrong with that. But do we tell the wage earner they have a Fear Of Success??? NO!!!

But we tell someone who wants to be successful, but isn't... They have a Fear of Failure/Success! The simple fact is some will rise to higher levels while others simply cannot or will not.

I'd concede to you Jason I'm splitting hairs on this topic... But it just irritates me when I hear someone say, "Bob has a "Fear of Failure."

What Bob has is no desire to do what it takes!

What if someone were to take Gordon's 'Chattel Report - 12 Week Sprint to Freedom'. And never began to sprint??? Never even tried to go out and make a deal to buy something at a garage sale. Fear of Failure or Success???

Gordon made a post the other day about selling meat door-to-door! Just to see "if he still had what it takes" I'm curious... How many people are hiding behind electronic web sites because they don't want to meet people??? If you and I both told "Bob" in order to be successful he had to go sell frozen meat door-to-door. Think he would???

If he couldn't??? Fear of Failure or Success??? I'd say he's just too scared to knock on the door! He hasn't even reached Failure or Success yet!!! Cripes!!! He's scared to talk to someone!!!

And if he could talk to them but couldn't sell... I'd say he needs more sales training! But it isn't a "Fear of Anything" Jason!

You either Do or you Don't!

For too many years the Sales Industry has leaned on this crutch... Kick it out from under them I say, and either they begin to walk and run with the pack... Or fall behind, and get picked off with the old, lame and other cripples from the herd.

Fear of Failure... Sheesh!!!

Excuse me.... I need to go wash this Fear of Failure stench off... :-)

~ Mike

Mike,

Interesting response, Mike.... when you get up on that soapbox, there's no stoppin ya! :)

Mike... well... I don't agree with all you say....

I think some very successful people can have a "fear of failure"....

Let me tell you how I see it....

I think a "fear of failure" could make you react in one of two ways:

1. You work like CRAZY so you DON'T fail, or
2. You don't work at all so you have a ready EXCUSE why you failed

You were talking about no. 2, which I believe is right, but I believe no. 1 can be a true consequence of "fear of failure" too....

If you HATE to fail, and you don't allow yourself any excuses, then you work like crazy so you DON'T fail....

Or at least I believe that's one way it can work....

Thanks for your speech! :)

Cheers,

Dien

P.S. I have a very good, impeccable source for what I said.... Ever watch that 1980s sitcom, "Family Ties"? Alex P. Keaton (played by Michael J. Fox) was the standard academic overachiever.... and I believe in one episode, he said he worked so hard because he had a fear of failure. Well, how can you argue against this sort of source? :)

P.P.S. Another example, from my own life.... When I was growing up, I got in trouble if I didn't bring home good grades. Well, my parents would show how disappointed (and sometimes even angry) they were with every bad grade, and how pleased they were with every good grade. I had a genuine fear of bringing home those bad grades! It made me (usually) work harder.... You might say I feared the consequence of failure.... and no excuses were allowed!

I just thought of something....

> 1. You work like CRAZY so you DON'T fail, or
> 2. You don't work at all so you have a ready
> EXCUSE why you failed

I just realized that this is the standard "fight or flight" response to fear....

Working like CRAZY is the "fight" response....

Not working at all is the "flight" response....

- Dien

>

> If you HATE to fail, and you don't allow
> yourself any excuses , then you work like
> crazy so you DON'T fail....

It's called compensation. There are many people
who "appear" to be successful but they compensate
for feelings of inadequacy by working hard and
making money, going to school etc.
Just because you make a lot of money doesn't
mean you don't have a fear of success or failure.

> P.P.S. Another example, from my own life....
> When I was growing up, I got in trouble if I
> didn't bring home good grades.

Oh my....why did you have to go there? ;-)
Same thing happened to me...had to bring in
all "A's" and now as an adult I have this
trauma: "the need to please"...it is diminishing
however because I realized you can never please
anyone but yourself.

In fact this "over compensation" is the complicating factor in determining my goals
right now. Sometimes I set goals and later
find they aren't really my goals but "goals
my parents want me to have"(substitutes for
bringing home the "a's")

Well, my
> parents would show how disappointed (and
> sometimes even angry) they were with every
> bad grade,

Severe punishments or "whippings" anyone....
now it would be considered abuse... ;-)

Oh...dien why did you have to go there? ;-)

Hi Sandy :)

> It's called compensation. There are many
> people who "appear" to be successful but
> they compensate for feelings of inadequacy by
> working hard and making money, going to
> school etc. Just because you make a lot of
> money doesn't mean you don't have a fear of
> success or failure.

Wow.... Sandy, this is spooky.... I probably shouldn't admit this, but you are describing me pretty well....

> Oh my....why did you have to go there? ;-)
> Same thing happened to me...had to bring in
> all "A's" and now as an adult I have this
> trauma: "the need to please"...it is diminishing
> however because I realized you can never please
> anyone but yourself.

"The need to please".... Yes, I often suffer from that too....

I think it often hinders my attempts at "sales"....

But on the plus side, it does predispose me to a WIN/WIN/WIN approach, which I think is a good thing.... :)

> In fact this "over compensation"
> is the complicating factor in determining my goals
> right now. Sometimes I set goals and later
> find they aren't really my goals but
> "goals
> my parents want me to have"(substitutes
> for
> bringing home the "a's")

I think I went through that, but I'm over it now I think.... I did the whole academic thing, all the way to Ph.D. and even working in academia -- which may have been (at least partly) subconsciously to please my parents (who are both academically inclined)....

However, I've finally broken away from that and am exploring new horizons! :)

Sandy, I know you can do that too.... :) (Just coming here I think shows that....)

> Well, my Severe punishments or "whippings" anyone....
> now it would be considered abuse... ;-)

I guess I might have been a little bit luckier.... While I did sometimes get a spanking if I misbehaved, the worst I got for bad grades would be that I'd be yelled at.... My parents would be a combination of angry and disappointed at each bad grade, and if it was bad enough they might yell at me because of it.... But for good grades I got praise and enthusiasm.

I love my parents (don't get me wrong), because I know they had my best interests at heart -- but it is interesting how similar our backgrounds seem to be, Sandy!

> Oh...dien why did you have to go there? ;-)

Well... Sandy, we seem to have a LOT in common.... This is quite amazing! :) (At least to me! I hope I'm not boring everyone else to tears... :)

Thanks Sandy, I've found everything you've said so far to be eerily compelling! :)

Dien

Sandy -

In a different way, I also have been burdened by the "grade thing".

I was born premature and lucky to live, so that from my earliest memories my mother (bless her heart) promised God that I would be special and amount to great things.

Now, that sounds fine on the surface, but "special and great" changes meaning as we grow up and evolve.

For my mother (as a single parent as my dad died when I was seven) I achieved greatness when I graduated from the US Naval Academy with honors a while back at age 22. She still applauds that accomplishment.

However, for me, every time I achieve something good, a little voice says, "This isn't good enough - you must do better to fulfill your destiny and your mother's promise to God!" And I'm not even very religious :-)

Now that's a good thing, since it drives me onward and upward, but it's a bad thing since I don't know how much is enough! Luckily, I've recognized its insidious impact on me and have done a lot of introspection and soul searching to counteract this unyielding voice within me that says I haven't done enough, no matter how much I accomplish. Sometimes, enough is enough!

I guess my point is that even the most positive message, when allowed to run amuck in the subconscious, can become an unreasonable force in our lives. Self awareness is a powerful counterforce. Introspection is key. And taking action and achieving YOUR OWN goals is an antidote.

So my advice is to step back, acknowledge your accomplishments to date, and consciously choose your next direction in life. Do it for YOU, not for ghosts of the past or chimeral rewards.

Regards, Bob

The sweet taste of success!

I play racquetball hard not because I fear failure or losing... But because I enjoy winning!

Success has it's own sweet taste...

I have a Fear of Heights... But I climbed Devils Tower, a 700+ foot cooled core of an extinct volcano located in NE Wyoming. Our country's first National Monument.

Why did I climb it??? I didn't have to!!! Wasn't going to make or break me financially... I was scared to death of falling! My hands sweat typing this post thinking about it!

But I went and did it! And it was the mst exhilarating thing I've ever done! Now I lead climbs and once fell just a tad over 40 foot while climbing the Tower.

Fear of Failure may drive some... But I desire the taste of success... The thrill of a successful closing sale... The wonderment of what's behind the next door...

Fear of Failure or Fear of Success does not, cannot, live in my world. I have chosen to either do it or not. And make no excuses as to why.

I can't dunk a basketball yet I still play. I turned 40 yesterday and my girlfriend bought me rollerblades. I snowboard, rock climb, Mtn. Bike, compete in racquetball and I close sales.

Maybe fear of this or that, just isn't part of my chemistry. I do know I don't understand it.

Knock on the door or don't. If you're going to make sales a career than do everyhting you can to be the best at it you can be. Don't look for excuses or the "Whys".

In or out...

If someone plays 100% on the court I'll partner up with them regardless of how good or bad they are. If someone highly skilled isn't putting forth their best effort, I'll look for someone else.

Like I stated earlier... Maybe it was best to keep this one to myself!

~ Mike