Click Here to see the latest posts! Ask any questions related to business / entrepreneurship / money-making / life NO BLATANT ADS PLEASE
Stay up to date! Get email notifications or |
#1
|
|||
|
|||
A few minor suggestions
Gordon,
At one point you say "Learn the FOUR SHOTS of golf and the TARP Keys" and at least to me, it was not immediately clear what the acronym TARP was, of course after I thought about it I knew -- but do you want to possibly confuse *some* OTHER prospects too? Maybe put periods between the letter or spell it out. Then: Take your newfound knowledge to the golf course, play like a tiger, is a GREAT line and although it IS immediately clear to just about every human what your saying you might wanna either put "tiger" in quotes. Also at only one point you call yourself JUST Jay Alexander, which doesn't flow right to me? And my last 2 cents: you might wanna either bold the gaurantee or even make it a different color so it stands out. Plus, of course, what Mike said :-) Paul Im at work so I'm a little rushed, hope this helps at list a bit. Good luck! |
Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
Display Modes | |
|
|
Other recent posts on the forum...
Get the report on Harvey Brody's Answers to a Question-Oriented-Person