The CURSE of POSITIVE THINKING - The Cry Baby

Hi Michael,

Thanks for sharing those stories & examples. You make a valid contention about the perils of "positive thinking."

However, I think it's important to look at this point a bit deeper. Especially for the budding entrepreneur, as many of us on this board can relate to the trials & tribulations of getting a business off the ground.

I think the key differentiation here is between using (or more accurately, unsuccessfully *attempting* to use) "positive thinking" -- which is a transient act; as opposed to having a positive *mindset*, which is an engrained characteristic.

This is the absolute key difference in my mind. If you've truly developed a positive mindset, then "positive thinking" won't be an isolated act as a result of a pep talk. Rather, it will be engrained and "hard wired" into the core of who the person is. And when setbacks occur, the person won't be immune to disappointment or discouragement, as those are normal, human emotions. However, his resilience, inner fortitude, and overall positive outlook will quickly allow him to turn his thoughts around to success-oriented actions and results.

Obviously this is a wide ranging topic that we could explore in tremendous depth, and volumes have been written on, but I thought it was important to first make the key distinction.

Thanks again for making that post -- it brought up a valuable topic!

Best,

Jesse

> Thanks for thinking.

> The year was... well, too many years ago
> now. The cry baby lost another tennis match
> and burst into tears, again. This was a
> weekly occurrence.

> Every week me and the other three members of
> my representative tennis team would play
> another district's rep team. Every week The
> Cry Baby would lose. Every week he would
> burst into tears.

> Odd for a fifteen year old. Odd he wasn't
> getting used to losing.

> The reason, it turns out, was his father.

> Not that he was scared his father would get
> mad at him for losing. No. Because his
> father kept geeing him up. Kept telling him
> "he was going to win,"
> "you'll beat him easy" and on and
> on and on and on and on and on and on.
> Relentlessly. Never letting up. So much so,
> the cry baby believed it.

> But when the true skill of the other player
> won the match and the cry baby lost, his
> world of positive thinking was destroyed.
> Mentally, he was devastated. The let down
> was too much to handle. Tears were the
> result.

> This is what happens when positive thinking
> doesn't pan out as planned. This is what
> happens when reality knocks on the positive
> thinking door.

> Consider the nonchalant. The neutral. The
> "don't give a rats either way."
> The "c'est la vie." The "if
> it happens it happens, if it doesn't it
> doesn't." The "don't care."
> The "in a hundred years who's gonna
> care anyway." The "it's nothing
> much in the grand scheme of things."

> Without large and positive expectations
> there can be no let down no matter what the
> outcome.

> By having low (no) expectations, you cannot
> be let down. You become emotionally detached
> from the event in question and are mentally
> free to deal with it.

> Consider the person who starts a business.
> Their expectations are HIGH. The business
> MUST generate fulltime income right away. It
> has to because it needs to replace another
> full time income.

> IF it doesn't generate fulltime income right
> away (which is more likely going to be the
> case), the budding entrepreneur gets
> disheartened. Something is wrong with the
> promotion, the product, the ideas of
> business as a whole. The "I knew it
> wouldn't work" and the "I told you
> so" people emerge. Negative thoughts
> replace the super positive one. Thoughts of
> being a failure - not "not achiving the
> desired result" but actually BEING a
> failure - flood the head. Maybe not cut out
> to be business owner. Blah blah blah.

> How about the person whose life didn't
> depend on the enterprise succeeding to
> fulltime income levels right away? They will
> "take it in their stride." They
> will philosphically look at their results,
> be able to analyse them, and move on.
> Because they expected little (or nothing),
> they cannot be let down.

> Watching the auditions of Australian Idol
> revealed the same thing. People with high
> expectations of themselves were devastated
> when they weren't "accepted" into
> the final 100. Those with little
> expectations - or who knew on some level
> they were not any good - were not
> disappointed or in any way let down.

> While positive talk might help someone
> overcome some "ill" feeling now...
> it could ultimately cause greater
> "ill" feelings down the road.

> Does that mean we should not encourage
> someone? No, not at all. There is a
> difference between encourage and positive
> thinking. Encouraging can take on many forms
> - like getting someone to understand that
> nothing "bad" will happen. For the
> worst case is usually not really that bad.
> Whereas positive thnking only focuses on the
> positive outcome - and that doesn't happen
> all the time in the really real world.

> Michael Ross