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CHAPTER #3 - Part B
“How I Pocketed 70 Bucks Fixing The FLAT Tire From HELL “
How I Got My Flat-As-A-PanCake Truck Tire Replaced at 10.00 for 1 Hr of Labor
Instead of the 80.00 an Hour my Dealership Charges.
ALSO - How to Ethically BRIBE a Car Mechanic When You Run Out Of
Instant Scratch Off Lotto Tickets.
After hauling a big load of wood up to my porch the previous day I got a Phone
Call INVITE - from a friend - to go out to dinner.
Changed my Clothes. Got out to my Truck. The Back Right/Rear Tire is Flat.
Right Down to the Ground.
So My Friend and Girlfriend pick me up in their car.
It is DARK and The Back Seat Smells Like wet Dog. So I pull my Keys out with
the LED Light. Shine it on the Backseat.
Foot Wide Water Stains!
***Am I Sitting in Dog Pee?***
I ask Dan the Obvious Question. “There is a big Stain on the back seat. Am I sitting in dog pee?”
***Everything is Fine - DOG DROOL.***
Tabitha says, “No, No. You’re Fine. That’s Dog DROOL.”
I GRIT MY TEETH.
TOO LATE NOW. Dunno about you. Dried Dog Urine. Dried Dog Drool. I’m NOT
EXCITED about sitting in either one.
I Decided (Silently) my pants were going STRAIGHT into the Washing Machine
when I got home.
Volunteers to Come over
the Next Day and Help
Me CHANGE my Flat Tire.
“I SAY, “Glad to have your help.”
WHAT I DO…
I Get Up Early. And Pump that PANCAKE FLAT Tire Up with my hand pump. Just so you know. I counted. 170 Up and down strokes.
I DRIVE to a local Car Mechanic.
Marshal says, “Come back at 3:30pm and I’ll swap the fast leaking tire for your Spare tire.”
I Say, “Just so you Know my plans.”
(EDITORS NOTE - Instead of LOTTO Tickets I Tipped the Mechanic with the
HUNDREDS of DOLLARS of Future work I wanted him to do for me. MAYBE - IF
he Did a Good-QUICK Job with my Flat Tire Situation.)
I - “I’ll be buying a new truck tire. So I’d like you to do that work too. Swap the
wheel onto the new tire. Balance it. And Put the new spare and the New Tire on
the rear. And then put the older tire back where the spare goes.
II - “Plus I wanna b*uy a tire for my Toyota. Got a very slow leak in the left rear.
So I’d like you to help me put a new tire on that too.
III - “And the Parking Brake on the truck is getting loose. Maybe you can tighten
that up while we are doing the tires.
Mr Dog-Drool-Dan Shows up. To KILL some time we go to lunch. Then the
***MY TIRE is HALF FLAT again - right there in the parking lot!
I have tossed my Tire Pump in the back seat. So Dog-Drool-Dan watches while I
pump my tire Back up.
Let’s Talk MOOLAH!
Specifically, The MUNNY the Cheapskate BASTARD Car Companies Are Saving By Changing to a SPARE TIRE FROM HELL - System!
Remember The GOOD OLD DAYS?
You Got a Flat Tire.
Flash Light in the trunk. Remove a panel in the Trunk. There is your Spare tire
AND the Jack. Pull it out. Jack up the car. Remove and Replace the Lug Nuts
and ALL DONE.
Marshall-The-Mechanic tells me about a LEMON his daughter bought. The Spare
tire is under the car - behind the motor. You lower it by un-winding a Cable
using your Car Jack.
With a FLAT TIRE there is no room under the car to LOWER your Spare!
I say, “WHEW! I’m glad I don’t have That NIGHTMARE to deal with.”
Marshal says, “I’m pretty sure your truck spare uses a Cable System too.”
***Have you ever changed a tire on your truck?” NO
***Do you have the Manual? NO
***Do You Know where the Jack is? (“I was hoping it was up under the Spare Tire.” NOPE.
We Hunt all over the Truck. Finally find the Jack in a secret Compartment under
the back passenger seat.
Went to HELL Really Fast.
Rather than ME trying to Explain The RUBE GOLDBERG STUPIDITY behind my truck spare tire Removal Process…
PLEASE IMAGINE This Situation
BEFORE You Watch the Short YouTube Video.
(EDITORS NOTE - Which Video I should have Watched. And WOULD Have
Watched if I had known HOW BIG My Problem was.)
***IMAGINE you are driving in the dark. It’s raining CATS and DOGS. BANG!
You Have a Flat tire. You Get Out. Dig out your Jack. JACK UP the Car or truck
- so you can LOWER Your Spare down to the ground.
***CRAWL under the Truck with the Flashlight so you can SEE where to put the
tool in the notch to UNWIND the Cable holding your Tire CLAMPED underneath
your car. And then - Finally - Remove the lug nuts. Swap tires to the spare.
And TOSS Your SPARE TIRE in some weeds so you can come back and Get it
Later. Cuz you can’t REEL It back up under your car with the cable - BY YOURSELF.
FEEL THE COLD.
FEEL The Pouring Rain.
FEEL the pebbles and Stones Digging into your Back as You Crawl under your car or truck.
Now You are READY to Watch the How-To—YouTube-Video.
(EDITORS NOTE - How many M*illions have all the car and truck companies saved
by simply STRAPPING your Spare tire underneath? WORSE YET. How many
HUNDREDS of M*ILLIONS of Extra Dollars have they forced Car/Truck owners to
Spend Just to Change a FREAKING Flat tire?)
Watch this and GET MAD too.
P.S. - How Zeke Makes 1000’s More - Story -
Last edited by Glenn : October 31, 2018 at 03:08 PM. Reason: spelling