The jerk, the jackal and the jaybird...marketing in modern times.

In Best Of Sowpub links there's one about a frustration with a sales person.

Don't go to the link I'll just repeat what it said here.

It seems approriate to your sales horror story quest, Gordon.

[long story]


Recently I kept waiting and waiting for something...
You see I was dying to give someone my money.

Quite a bit actually but they didn't seem to want it.
It was easy money for them. They had no marketing
costs, no cold call hassles, I found them.

All they should have seen was one big fat paycheck.

Here is what happened.

I was searching for a mortgage that was worth easy
a couple of thousand dollars in commission for this guy.

Now they have an application process where they
charge a $325 fee non-refundable.

Curious and surprised I repeated what he said.

"You have a $325 fee"


"Yes."


"The fee is non refundable"


"Yes."


"You need the fee to start the application process"


"Yes."



"Thank you. Goodbye."


I wasn't hard of hearing.

I was simply waiting for a reason why the fee was
a benefit to me since it is not common practice
to ask for one.


So each time I repeated his answer I was trying to give
him an intro to sell me.

But each time he didn't.

In fact as you see he did nothing.

Since I have been watching the Apprentice show and
learning of Donald Trump's real estate wealth.

I started dreaming about how the Donald could have
sold me on the value of that $325 fee?

Here is one idea:

"Yes sir the fee is unusual however with that
investment you are able to close a week faster
than anyone else.

You see we use those fees to hire extra skilled
personnel most other broker's can't afford.

This allows us to close faster and make less
mistakes and avoid those little surprises
at the closing table.

This is something all those other brokers and
unfortunately their customers have to worry
about but you won't.

That fee also allows you to have free six month
direct email access to the top financial planner in town.

He will help you build your wealth and double your
opportunity to build a better life for you and your kids.

Plus it guarantees that we'll fight for you with your banker.

Have you ever had problems with your lender
and you feel like the little guy fighting against goliath?

Well not anymore.
We will go to bat for you.

They'll listen to us because we bring them
thousands in new business.
They'll talk to us because they need us.

And we'll go to bat for you because we need you.

So for merely a $1 dollar a day over the next year
you're getting not just a mortgage but a whole
team of financial planners who love helping you
work out any money worries.

How much is that worth to you?

When you think about it.

Isn't protection from money worries worth more than one dollar a day?"

Ok, those are my thoughts.

He could have sold me with talk like that.

What else do you think Donald could say?

So I won't say YOU'RE FIRED.