SAABB You Know, Soft As A Baby's Butt...

I loved his salesmanship. He did everything right.

It began with a phone call. One of the pros over at a nearby club was on the other end. He was excited.

"Jay, I just bought 100 leather golf gloves, and man, they are SOFT AS A BABY'S BUTT and I only paid 3 bucks each. I sent the guy to see you. Better stock up, it is some EASY money."

I thanked my friend. In business it pays to take care of your friends.

But it sounded, oh, too good to be true.

And as if I were in a play, just as I was thinking this thought, he walks through the door right on cue.

"Are you Jay, your buddy Jack sent me over."

Two things, he used my name, and since I was the only one in the shop, he made the assumption, and used the referral.

I always appreciate good salesmanship.

"I suppose Jack told you about the gloves, right?"

He knew darn well he had.

Up to this point I haven't said a word, just kind of nodded when he started.

"These gloves are SOFT AS A BABY'S BUTT, here, put one on."

He tossed me the glove. He gave me a command. He had a nice catch phrase.

This guy's a pro, I thought. At selling.

"Isn't that soft Jay?"

I finally spoke, "Yea, as a baby's butt."

It was a great feeling golf glove.

I took a few steps to the net and took a few swings, he just stood saying nothing.

Then, right as I finished, he began,

"I guess Jack told you I was just passing through on my way back to Chicago. Had a Big Convention in New York and I have a friend here, maybe you know him, Bob C. up at the Mayfield Club. He's the one that sent me down to this area today."

I had never heard of him, but before I could respond, he continued.

"Jay, you know a glove like this wholesales for 6 to 8 bucks a pop, but because I've got a ton of them left over, and the boss told me not to come back with any, I'm desparate.

And Jay, my desparation means a good deal for you. Like Jack told you on the phone, only 3 dollars each. But that is for a decision NOW only. I've got to get started back."

Then he closed.

"How many do you want, minimum of 100 at that price?"

He was good.

"Let me see one in the bag, OK, so I'll know how to display them." I responded.

This guy might have been good, but I'm better.

He hesitated and then reached in the box he had carried in with him, "the assumptive close" I thought to myself. It was a box of a well known golf manufacturer.

He tossed me the wrapped glove. It didn't have that name on it, he must have read my mind because he said,

"Jay, as you can see they aren't made by these guys {tapping on the box} I just use this ol box to carry them in. They come packed by the thousands and I just break them down into smaller boxes."

Sounded reasonable.

He continued, "Most of our accounts are the big discount stores, maybe you've seen our line in some of those, but normally they order by the thousands and then ship out from a central location."

I was listening, but I was looking on the back of the card, and I noticed something. Glove was spelled gove. They left out the l.

I had seen this before, when I was in Taiwan.

Taiwan does not belong to the International Copyright treaty. They reprint books and don't pay royalties. When I was there I stocked up and bought dozens of books.

The only problem, they don't much care about spelling. And it becomes very distracting after a while. If the errors were few and far between, then there would be no problem. But 10 times a page?

He closed again, but this time he said,

"Jay, I brought 100 in, cause that's the minimum I'm allowed to sell {the man in the back room won't allow any less?} but if you want me to go get a couple hundred more, cause I heard you get a lot of people through here, then I'll be right back."

He actually stated walking toward the door, glance over and said "2 or 300?"

Elmer Wheeler's don't ask IF, ask WHICH.

"Hold on, I'm not buying any right now."

"WHAT? ARE you nuts? This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. You can make some EASY money. All you got to do is let your students try them on and let them feel it is..."

I interrupted, "SOFT AS A BABY'S BUTT...but I'll still pass right now, but maybe later this afternoon I'll take a couple of hundred."

"Why wait? I have to get going, what happens between now and then to help you make a decision?"

I said, "I'll go to the range and hit a couple of balls while wearing the glove, and then I can make an informed decision."

He grabbed the box and stormed out, told me I could keep the glove, he didn't have time, he was on his way to see other pros who could make a decision. He implied some things, but I didn't take the bait.

"Oh well, YOUR loss." And he left my golf shop.

The whole deal lasted about 3 or 4 minutes.

But it was great salesmanship...to a point.

I went down the road to the range, and hit a bucket of balls, it didn't take me long to find out why these genuine hand sewn leather golf GOVES were being sold so cheaply.

After about 10 minutes, my hand was red, the dye in the glove was coming off. Then it ripped, and when I tried to take it off, it was like toilet paper...that had been used.

I stood on the range with a red hand, a few scraps of some leather like substance on the ground. And I thought,

It sure was as SOFT AS A BABY'S BUTT

I went back to the shop and called Jack. I told him what happened. He went out to his range and the same thing happened.

We spent the rest of the afternoon calling golf pros and shops all over Northeast Ohio. It was too late.

We figured out that in one day, by using referrals, and appealing to the "greed gland" mixed in with some darn good salesmanhip, this
charlatan sold more than 3,500 FAKE, imitation golf gloves to some very savvy golfers.

At 3 bucks a pop, that was over 10 grand for a hard day's work.

There was no company in Chicago. The gloves had a fake address on the cards.

It was all a scam.

Ah, is there any lesson here? Other than the ones you've heard your whole life?

Like,

If it sounds too good to be true, it IS.

You know, your Mother told you that one when you were 4 years old.

Or. "Avoid ONCE in a lifetime opportunity. Those kind roll around every 24 hours, check your mailbox."

And one I'll add from this fiasco, be careful when your "FRIENDS" try to get you involved...
you could lose your gove.

G. JAY Alexander

PS. The only thing that is really as soft as a baby's butt, is,

A BABY'S BUTT. HA!