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Old July 7, 2009, 12:14 AM
Bozo's Avatar
Bozo Bozo is offline
The Headlight Guy
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Carlsbad, New Mexico
Posts: 202
Default Re: TOTALLY SUDDEN (+ troublesome) mindset shift - anyone else?

Quote:
Anyone else experience this sudden mind shift before?
And, if so, did you ever recover -- and how did you recover?

Been there, done that. 1996 I discovered that everything I knew, was wrong.

It's like suddenly coming out into a bright afternoon from a dark theatre. All was fantasy there in the dark, and it was a fun place to be. Most entertaining.

When you come outside it feels other worldly and you have to squint until your eyes adjust to the bright light of reality.

I recovered and can see fine now.

Recovery came from learning two truths.

1. "Expectations are premeditated resentments."

2. "Only play in games that you can win."

Think long on number one. There's a lot to see behind that saying.

Number two takes some thought as well, but you'll find it good advice.

Just speculating on your case here...

You expected somebody to do X and either he didn't do anything, or he did D instead. Now you have resentment.

What that somebody did or did not do caused you harm of some sort, so you came out the loser.

Next time, set yourself up so that no matter what happens when dealing with others you can't lose. No need for expectations, they either perform or not and you don't care which because you can't lose whatever game you're playing.

Recent example of mine. I made an offer of help, in exchange for a future partnership in a project. I am doing the work whether or not the other party performs, so I can't lose anything. I had some expectations of the other party, but I made sure to express them up front. No assumptions, no trust, just a statement of needs.

Like most such deals, like yours, it blew up for unknown reasons. The guy just stopped communicating with me. Who knows why? The bigger question is who cares? I certainly don't, because I only play games I can't lose, and if I have expectations (it's very hard not to have them) I express them up front.

Find somebody to give you a good HUG, and welcome to the shiny side.
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