Please critique (+ vote on) my headlines -- Thanks!...

[GordonJ]

OK TW,

I get it. But again, it is what comes after the headline which will help you write one.

How "developed" is your marketing piece? Is it a letter in an envelope? Then you first have to get the envelope opened.

A direct mail piece could be a postcard, a letter or a flyer or a "lumpy" package, etc.

I think you are trying to get businesses to raise their hands and say, "yes, I want more customers, what have you got for me?"

IF this is correct, then the advice would be to CUSTOMIZE every piece of mail. A little more time consuming, but much more effective. Example, you want a Dry Cleaner to advertise on your Pizza Box (now the pizza guy gets the boxes for FREE, so that should be an easy "sale", right?).

So your direct mail piece might have the teaser on the envelope, "How Dry Cleaners have found a way to get 22% more customers..." (Read How Inside) type of thing.

THEN, your headline matches up to the business, giving you much better chance of getting a face to face...so using YOUR headlines, it would look something like:

"Give me a 15 minute meeting at your Dry Cleaner (best if you name it) and I'll show you how to get up to 27% more customers..." etc.

Now, with today's cut and paste features, you just insert a new name into the Dry Cleaner slot...and you customize your letter.

See, you'll find that EVERY businessman thinks HIS business is unique...so if you speak in general business terms...he'll discount your message right from the start...BUT,

if you talk about HIS business, and how you have tested and proven methods to increase HIS business, you'll be greeted with a much more open mind which will save you tons of time, gas money and shoe leather.

YEA, it takes a little more effort and time to CUSTOMIZE your direct mail piece (not much)...but the results will be worth it...provided you have a good presentation and an Almlike "sample" of the product when you do get a call.

So, my OPINION is, the best headline is using some of what you have along with a custom tailored direct mail piece that will get the prospect thinking about HIS business in specific, not some general biz idea.

Also, and please let us know, but, I think you're going to find this direct mail effort to be a lot of wasted time...why not just use the phone? Then call in person? Hope you find a way to make it work though.

Gordon Alexander

Originally Posted by -TW

I wanted to see if, perhaps, there was a way to get biz's to call me re: the Alm stuff. Maybe have a direct mail piece that would do some of the pre-prospecting work for me -- the sorting. And/or have a letter in an envelope marked confidential I could leave with the name of the owner handwritten on the envelope to LEAVE with the employee when I walked into the biz unannounced and the owner was NOT there. At least that might maximize the use of my time + gas to do the in-person canvassing -- so, when an owner was not in, it would not be a TOTAL loss, potentially.

-- TW