The Secret Of Longevity

[Dien Rice]

Originally Posted by Bozo

As part of research for a project, I set a Google Alert for "small plane crash".

It turns out that there are people getting killed in small plane crashes almost daily, and you never hear about them unless you do the search.

Those Google Alerts link to news stories, mostly local city rags, and they have very little detail as to what happened, and what detail they do report is often wrong.

But, I discovered the secret to longevity in the follow up to those reports. Later the reporters will interview family and friends of the victims to keep the story going. In every follow up I've seen, they say that...

"She was the dearest sweetest woman..."
"He was the finest man I've ever known..."
"He was a star athlete in his high school, and just a wonderful kid..."

So the secret of longevity?

Be a sorry old sumbitch that is quite unpleasant to be around.

Works for me.

Gosh darn it, Boz, I think you've figured it out!

I looked up some obituaries... and you're absolutely right! Everyone seems to be a "saint"...

Now... you just need to write a $999 report, revealing the "secret" and the "proof"!

- Dien

P.S. Here's a funny, but real, obituary I came across...

Blanchard, Michael "Flathead"

1944 ~ 2012

A Celebration of the life of Michael "Flathead" Blanchard will be held on April 14th, 3 pm 8160 Rosemary St, Commerce City. Weary of reading obituaries noting someone's courageous battle with death, Mike wanted it known that he died as a result of being stubborn, refusing to follow doctors' orders and raising hell for more than six decades. He enjoyed booze, guns, cars and younger women until the day he died.

The rest of the obituary is at http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/den...?pid=156944598