Want To Be Successful? Change Your Last Name.

Susan,

Per your request here is the full text of the article from the print edition of The Economist.
Enjoy.

Simon

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Surnames
As easy as ZYX
Aug 30th 2001
From The Economist print edition

It is time to stand up for the alphabetically disadvantaged

OVER the past century, all kinds of unfairness and discrimination have been denounced or made illegal. But one insidious form continues to thrive: alphabetism. This, for those as yet unaware of such a sad affliction, refers to discrimination against those whose surnames begin with a letter in the lower half of the alphabet.
It has long been known that a taxi firm called AAAA cars has a big advantage over Zodiac cars when customers thumb through their phone directories. Less well known is the advantage that Adam Abbott has in life over Zoë Zysman. English names are fairly evenly spread between the halves of the alphabet. Yet a suspiciously large number of top people have surnames beginning with letters between A and K.
Thus the American president and vice-president have surnames starting with B and C respectively; and 26 of George Bush's predecessors (including his father) had surnames in the first half of the alphabet against just 16 in the second half. Even more striking, six of the seven heads of government of the G7 rich countries are alphabetically advantaged (Berlusconi, Blair, Bush, Chirac, Chrétien and Koizumi). The world's three top central bankers (Greenspan, Duisenberg and Hayami) are all close to the top of the alphabet, even if one of them really uses Japanese characters. As are the world's five richest men (Gates, Buffett, Allen, Ellison and Albrecht). To cap it all, the editor, deputy editor and chief executive of The Economist are blessed with surnames starting with E, C and A respectively.
Can this merely be coincidence? One theory, dreamt up in all the spare time enjoyed by the alphabetically disadvantaged, is that the rot sets in early. At the start of the first year in infant school, teachers seat pupils alphabetically from the front, to make it easier to remember their names. So short-sighted Zysman junior gets stuck in the back row, and is rarely asked the improving questions posed by those insensitive teachers. At the time the alphabetically disadvantaged may think they have had a lucky escape. Yet the result may be worse qualifications, because they get less individual attention, as well as less confidence in speaking publicly.
The humiliation continues. At university graduation ceremonies, the ABCs proudly get their awards first; by the time they reach the Zysmans most people are literally having a ZZZ. Shortlists for job interviews, election ballot papers, lists of conference speakers and attendees: all tend to be drawn up alphabetically, and their recipients lose interest as they plough through them. Joint authors of economic papers are listed under the name that falls first in the alphabet.
What is to be done? Awkward though it may be for the independent-minded, women can at least achieve alphabetic advancement by marrying "up". Thus Ms Zysman could become Mrs Abbott. But by adulthood the damage has already been done. Parents could change their names to give their children a better start in life. But a class made up only of little Aarons and Abbotts could be horribly confusing.
It would be hard, perhaps impossible, to stop alphabetism. But do not give up hope, all you Ps, Qs and Ws. The alphabetically disadvantaged may not become presidents, central bankers or rich, but they seem to thrive at running firms. Nine of the world's ten biggest companies (by revenues) are run by bosses with names that begin in the second half of the alphabet. An old theory thus gains credence. Only those who have battled against the odds will really make it in business.