Embrace The Fear

I looked on in abject terror. Too frightened to watch, too keen to see what happened next. I covered my face with my hands, but peeked out through my fingers. It was the scariest thing I've ever witnessed.

And ever since I saw that movie, Evil Dead, ALL other horror movies have paled in comparison. So much so I now regret having seen it in the first place. I can no longer enjoy a good scare flick. They bore me.

Further down the board is a thread about something some people call "Fear of Success/Failure." I brought my post about that to the top of the board so it wouldn't be lost in the mayhem.

Personally, I don't believe there is fear of success OR failure, there is just FEAR. One thing which can wear many many faces.

Mike said one of his daughters is shy. What is shyness but a form of some kind of fear which manifests itself with one symptom... shyness.

If I fear talking to people in general, I exhibit shyness. If I fear talking about myself to people, I may exhibit shyness. If I fear meeting new people, I may exhibit shyness. If I feel that talking to someone will reveal some weakness of mine as I'm put on the spotn, I may exhibit shyness. One symptom for many reasons. Reasons based on a fear.

This "fear" varying in strength from minor to absolute. From something more like feeling uncomfortable to wet-your-pants terror (great discomfort).

Mike talked about his fear of heights and overcame it himself. I bet though, if you suffer from fear of heights and a lion is after you and the only way to survive is to climb a high tree, then suddenly your fear of heights will be gone. It will be replaced with a greater fear, fear of being eaten alive.

Your fear will have been overshadowed by another fear.

So you like the taste of success? I say, you fear not having that taste.

Splitting straws? Maybe, but true nontheless.

I am a shy person. Invite me to a party and I'll sit in a corner. Yet, I've owned businesses that required me to make a sale face-to-face and canvass for new business. Certainly not the actions of a shy person.

So why the difference?

I think it depends on the item being sold.

In business, whether it's a service or product you sell, it's not you as a person.

At a party though, it's like an interrorgation... where do you live? What do you do for a living? What's that like?

And why "those" questions?

To play one upmanship.

What do you do? (hidden question... tell me what you do for a living so I can see if I'm better than you).

Answer: I'm a petroleum engineer (person playing the one upmanship game). Or, I pump petrol (person who can't be bothered with the one upmanship game and would rather sit in a corner).

This shyness/fear would be discomfort. Far different from a person who suffers from clostrophobia and fears (is greatly uncomfortable) being out and about.

Why fear being out and about?

Many reasons... don't like the look of themselves (too skinny, too fat, etc.); fear catching a bug and getting sick; fear being mugged, raped, assulted; fear being run over; fear having to walk past the big dog on the corner and a plethora of other reasons.

You fear public speaking? I bet if I had a gun to your head and threatened to pull the trigger unless you started speaking, you'd start speaking. One fear overcomes another. But only when the REASON (motive) is strong enough.

Sell TV sets? No problem. Sell cars? No problem. Sell insurance? No problem. Ask a girl/boy on a date (sell YOURSELF)? Big problems.

The difference?

The item being sold.

One item, no matter how much a part of you it is, such as a personalised service, is not you. The other is you and you alone, with all your blemishes and warts. A very personal scrutiny.

BUT, have a good enough reason for something, and your "fear" (discomfort) will go hide in the background.

And that's the key... your reason, your motive. If it's not strong enough, you won't overcome your fear.

Fearing something (being uncomfortable) is irrational. It makes no real sense. Therefore it's a "feeling." A psychological thing.

Seeing as changing (overcoming your fear) is the hardest thing for us to do, psychologically, it's easier not to change.

Lazy?

Not enough reason not to be.

Stephen King wrote a short story called "Quitters Inc." It was about a company that guaranteed to make you quite smoking. They monitored you 24 hours a day seven days a week. If you lit up, they punished your family with electricity while you watched. After you did quit they set a weight goal. Go against the goal and you'd start losing fingers. Keep it up and they'd kill you. Once dead, you wouldn't be smoking or going against your goals anymore. It's all in the REASON WHY.

The buzzword of the last couple of decades is STRESS. What is stress? A load of crap... it doesn't exist.

I may be feeling anxious about something... a do-gooder will call it stress. I may have great concern over the wellbeing of a loved one... stress. Stress stress stress. Crap. Lets call it what it is... anxiety, concern, whatever. But lets not lump it all together and call it stress.

Shy? It's a fear (discomfort) about something.

As I said, I'm shy. Why? Because I fear (am uncomfortable) playing the plastic people game.

I used to play A-grade competition tennis four times a week. One team I played against was made up of university students. All the students in the team were studying Vet Science bar one. Her field? Something like Human Movement Science. I thought for a bit and asked her if it was P.E. (Physical Education - running, jumping, exercise at school stuff). It was. Why then give it a fancy name? She's playing the plastic people game... one upmanship.

Personal Assistant or Secretary? Data Entry Operator or Typist? Or one upmanship?

I can talk the ears off of an elephant. Those of you that have spoken with me on the phone may have experienced this... even if we've never met in person or not talked before. BUT, that's only because I have felt no one-upmanship coming from your end.

One person may ask me "How I am" and I'll cringe. Yet another will ask the same thing and I'll have no problem with it. The difference? The "feeling" *I* get/have about the person - genuine or plastic.

If you don't fear something, you're comfortable with it. If you fear it, you're uncomfortable with it.

Fear is discomfort, only the degree varies. Each fear overridng another.

Can't make that phone call?

Your reason isn't strong enough. You don't have another fear that overrides your fear of calling.

Monday is the first day one of my latest projects hits the public. It will require me to do a bit of door-to-door stuff. I'm a shy person, yet I'm looking forward to this... I'm keen. I'm eager. Why? Because I have a reason (motive) that's strong enough to override any fear of knocking on doors. My motive is a fear... fear of not getting the thing my latest venture will bring to me.

One fear (level of discomfort) overcomes another fear (lesser level of discomfort).

Fear is discomfort? Yep, it is to me. I use the word fear because it's easier. Juxtapose the word "discomfort" or "uncomfortable" if you wish, it makes no difference.

We either fear getting something or fear not-getting (missing out on) something. It is as simple as that... black and white, yin and yang. No shades. One or the other, only the degree at each end varies.

If I were to create a simple pictogrigm about it it'd be this...

Fear of Getting***************************Fear of Not Getting
100_________________0|0_________________100

If you're all right with something (enjoy) you fear (have discomfort) not being all right (not getting, losing your enjoyment) with it.

At least, that's my simple take it on.

Of course, it takes HONEST soul searching to recognise and admit it within yourself for what it is... an irrational feeling.

Just remember... we have nothing to fear but fear itself.

Michael Ross.