Embrace The Fear

Well, after that long missive I never addressed the "Fear of Success" thing. Doh!

Fear of Success... nah... it's fear (discomfort) of something about the process of becoming successful.

Learn to write compelling copy? No problem.

Learn all about the product? No Problem.

Learn to speak to people with enthusiasm? No problem?

Risk the money to see if your ads or letters work? PROBLEM. What if it doesn't work? I've lost that money forever. My ad will have been a flop. I'll have to face the gauntlet of "I told you so's" and so on. Any one of those reasons can be feared when it comes to the final part... spending the money on the marketing campaign.

If I fear losing the money I won't run the ad. No ad, no customers. No customers, no sales. No sales, no money and no success.

If I fear "the gauntlet" I won't run the ad and the same process will lead to no success.

Does a person fear success? No... unless they're one of those weird socialist types who want everyone to be equal and despise capitalism. They fear success, or rather what being sucessful would mean, as it'd mean becoming what they despise. And they can't have that.

In general though, for those who aren't weird "everyone is equal" socialist types, success isn't feared... only parts of what it takes to be successful.

Which parts?

It's different for each person. And the only person who can answer it, is YOU.

Fear making a phone call? Maybe, or maybe it's one aspect about the call you fear and not the call in general.

Maybe you fear getting through the "gatekeeper", or the elevator musak you hear on hold reminds you of an unpleasant thing, or you fear interupting the prospect in case they're doing something important, or you fear what they'll think of you if you do interupt their important thing.

How to overcome it?

First, recognise exactly what IT is. Breakdown the whole into it's individual parts to find out which part you fear. Which part you're uncomfortable with.

You're half way there. Now figure a way to override that fear, that discomfort about that part.

Maybe, breaking it down to its component parts will show you it's such a minor thing your fear of it will suddenly disappear. Maybe a new solution will present itself once you know what IT is.

But you won't know unless you do it.

If you won't do it then you fear finding out the truth about yourself, or a part of yourself, and all that that would mean. And that's revealing in and of itself.

You want the truth? You can't handle the truth.

Truth, it'll set you free, but it'll piss you off first.

I think it helps to become a child again. A child has no limits and nothing is impossible. A child also has the ability to BELIEVE.

Think about it... Santa? Real. The Easter Bunny? Real. What a let down and shattering of accepted truth for real truth to find out they're not real. Perhaps if children weren't told of Santa and the Easter Bunny being real their ability to BELIEVE would not be tainted. You think?

A child never gives up, no matter what anyone says. They keep at it.

Here let me help you with that. No, I want to put it on myself, I can do it.

Here let me, we don't have time while you do it.

What sort of signals do we send to our children when we say things like that?

Fear of heights? Or a fear of falling from a height?

Fear of driving? Or a fear of crashing or running over someone?

Fear of public speaking? Or fear of people not liking us or thinking we're odd or thinking we're silly?

Fear of knocking on someones door? Can't be, we knock on the doors of our friends with no problem. We would think nothing of knocking on the door of a total stranger if our lives were threatened. Or if we desparately need the breakdown service and there's no phone near by. Or any number of other reasons. So it's not fear of knocking on doors. It's something else.

Whatever IT is, identify it within yourself. It's different for each of us.

Do the Scouts still have "Job Week"? I remember going around knocking on doors asking people to do "jobs" for a few bucks for the Scouts. Perhaps all kids should join the Scouts and Girl Guides to learn this skill. Or perhaps someone with a door-to-door fear should recall that they did in fact do that when they were a Scout/Guide. It might help.

Mike, you mentioned Toastmaster... great group... no pressure, nothing. Just a totally relaxed and friendly environment. If someone fears speaking, for whatever small part they really fear, I suggest Toastmasters http://www.toastmasters.org/ as a place to start.

I also encourage all younger schoolage kids to do "debating" in school. Teaches good skills at taking any side of an argument and presenting your case without reverting to personal attacks.

Ever watched an Eco Challenge? One thing you'll notice, if you have, is that the competitors use it as a tool. If they can complete an Eco Challenge, they reason, they can do anything.

Perhaps we should all look for a HUGE challenge we know we'd stick with and go at until it's done to prove to ourselves we can do it, just as a child already knows they can.

Or simply realise we all learned how to walk, talk, read, write, drive a manual car, work a computer, get a job, run a business (no matter how small), cook exotic meals, negotiate better prices, etc. All things we never knew how to do but now do without a second thought. Realise we're already much more of a success than we ever realised and that we can in fact do anything we put our minds to and have a good enough reason to do.

Michael Ross.