A dear friend of mine....

Hi Paul,

My comments might be irrelevant to your friend since I don't know very much about your friend's situation, but anyhow, just in case they help, here they are.... :)

I think what I'd probably do is tell my friend about all my own failures.... I'd probably start with how I failed 3rd year physics the first time I did it (even though I now have a Ph.D. in physics).... A failure can often be just the beginning -- not the end.

And I've had many other failures too.... I think we probably all have, if we dig deep enough into our lives.... They can be hard to find because we often prefer to forget about them....

If you tell your friend about your failures, then perhaps your friend won't feel so alone, but will know that many other people have had these sorts of experiences too.... But failures are actually even more important than that.

In fact, I think you CAN'T be a success without having failures. If you have no failures, usually it means you don't try hard enough. Those who try to do things are the ones who have failures, and they are also those who have big successes too....

It's out of print, but you can still get it from some second hand bookstores.... I'm talking about Joe Sugarman's 1980 book Success Forces. The first part of the book is Joe Sugarman's story up until 1980. He had failure after failure after failure after failure....

As far as I know, Joe Sugarman still has a warehouse full of "Batman credit cards" -- one of his biggest business failures spanning over a decade of his own efforts.... If it's relevant, Joe Sugarman's story might help to cheer your friend up. And here's a useful tip....

I think it's important not to think of "failures" but instead of "learning experiences".... When you think about it, with every "failure" you learn something new. That's how I think of my own projects....

I start out with the thought, "If it succeeds, that's great, and if it fails, it will be a good learning experience".... then I go after it with gusto! I figure that whether I succeed, or whether I have a "learning experience," either way I win in the end.

In Success Forces Joe Sugarman talks about six "success forces". His first "success force" is "Always Be Honest." His second "success force" is "Cherish Your Failures." Let me share with you the beginning of the chapter called "Cherish Your Failures"....
One of the most powerful Success Forces is failure. Every time you fail you create a positive force for success.

To explain how this force works, let's examine a baby when he takes his first steps. What happens? He fails. So he tries and tries again. Finally, after many failures, the little toddler starts to walk. Wobbly at first, but he is walking.

The baby at first failed to walk, but each time he fell, he learned something. From all his failures, he was able to learn enough to balance himself and walk without falling.

I contend that this process works throughout one's entire life. We learn from our failures. Pile up enough failures and success is a sure bet. But most of us don't like failure. In fact, we avoid it at all costs, even if it means missing out on an opportunity.

I am firmly convinced that failure is such a powerful Success Force that it gives me the reassurance to try almost anything, for I know that even if I fail, it will create a force for success later.

[Success Forces by Joseph Sugarman, 1980, pp. 121-122.]

Joe Sugarman is of course the guy who started JS&A and sold all those groovy "space-age" gadgets in the 1970s and 1980s, and he's also well known for Blu-Blocker sunglasses....

I hope that helps, Paul.... I don't know much about the details of your friend's situation, so I'm not sure how appropriate this has been, but I hope it helps....

Cheers,

Dien

Hi Paul!

What a very lucky friend to have someone like you concerned for his/her situation.

I watched "Touched by An Angel" tonight with Katherine, and its message is relevant to your friend.

The lead "angel", Monica, who is played by Roma Downey, falls prey to the Anger Virus that is spread like wild fires to humans. What starts as just a drop of water turns into a trickle which turns into a creek, stream, river, and soon is an unstoppable flood of anger that is inadvertantly passed from person to person causing torrential damage by the lives caught in its wake!

The anger of one man literally knocked Monica out.

Her partner in Angel-dom, Tess, who is played by Della Reese, whispers to Monica to observe what happened, since when Angels fall, there is always a reason and a lesson to be learned.

Which brings me to your friend's situation.

What is the lesson to be learned?

Are there extenuating circumstances causing a distortion of the facts?

What is one tiny step he/she can take towards getting up out of the whole into which there may seem to be no escape from at the current time?

What were the precursers to the downward spiraling and how could this be prevented from occuring again?

This is when those journaling tools Sandy suggested would come in handy, as well as some of the other techniques mentioned in the other's posts.

Lots of valuable information, Paul, hope your friend comes over to Dien's terrific resource here at SowPub and takes a look!

With Purpose and Passion,

JULIE




Look at Our Line Up of Fall Classes!

The best advice I could offer is a story I once heard.

Abraham Lincoln was once asked to speak to the graduating year of a university. He walked up to the stand, took off his top hat and placed it on the stand. Then he stood there, silent, just looking at all the graduating students. For 30 seconds there was complete silence, and this is a long time when there is perfect silence. Then, in his tone, which can't be described in words, he said "NEVER give up". For another 30 seconds, he didn't say a word. Then he spoke, with incredible passion in his voice, "NEVER give up". And once again, there was silence. After another 30 seconds, he said "NEVER give up", picked up his top hat, and left, to thunderous applause.

I thought that was Winston Churchill?

true blue Brit peter

> The best advice I could offer is a story I
> once heard.

> Abraham Lincoln was once asked to speak to
> the graduating year of a university. He
> walked up to the stand, took off his top hat
> and placed it on the stand. Then he stood
> there, silent, just looking at all the
> graduating students. For 30 seconds there
> was complete silence, and this is a long
> time when there is perfect silence. Then, in
> his tone, which can't be described in words,
> he said "NEVER give up". For
> another 30 seconds, he didn't say a word.
> Then he spoke, with incredible passion in
> his voice, "NEVER give up". And
> once again, there was silence. After another
> 30 seconds, he said "NEVER give
> up", picked up his top hat, and left,
> to thunderous applause.

hmm, yer might have been, my knowledge of American History isn't spot on :)

> I thought that was Winston Churchill?

> true blue Brit peter

Thanks Dominum and Peter....

I don't know who it was. But here's what I do know....

That was a great story with an excellent point. Thanks for sharing it! :)

Cheers,

Dien