Desires, Passion and Why We Don't Succeed...

Author Robert Fritz has posted a new excerpt from his upcoming book “Life As Art”, you can follow the link below in order to read the whole article. But what I’m going to do is give you a few quotes from the excerpt and put across some of my own thoughts.

Essentially Mr. Fritz talks about our desires and how they relate to the big picture. He touches upon the key point that not all desires are created equal. Mr. Fritz explains:

“What is desire?
On a basic level it is a want. The prime condition of human nature is to want things. We want to live, so we therefore want air, food, warmth. We have desires that are generated by simple appetite and we have desires that are generated by pure altruism and love of others. We have both simple and more complex desires that come in the form of ambition, greed or charity, kindness or a sense of higher calling.
What we need to know is this: not all desires are created equal.
Some desires can be the firm foundation of the life building process while other desires can be the quicksand which leads to destruction, decay, and disappointment.
The desires that help us build our lives are self-generated. That is to say that they are independent from the circumstances in which we find ourselves.
These types of desires could rightfully be called true desires because they are not circumstantially formed but come from something deeper and more essential in us. They are not cut from the same cloth as the seeing and wanting type of desires.
Sometimes when leading workshops, in which the subject is creating one's life, I ask people this question: "How many of you know what you want?"
Usually about a third to a half of the group raises its hands. "And how many of you do not know what you want?" the rest of the group raises its hands. That's at least half and sometimes two-thirds of the people in the group that seems not to know what they want. Could the percentage really be that high?
In fact, it isn't really that high once we begin to explore what true desire is. In the end, almost everyone is able to connect with their true desires. So why is it hard for some people at first to answer the first and most basic question of the creative process: What do you want to create? i.e. what do you desire?
The mistake that many people make is that they think if they find the "right" thing to want, they will find the key to success, happiness and satisfaction. For these people, it almost doesn't matter what the object of their desire is, as long as wanting this thing "works." And by works, they mean that it motivates, propels, inspires, and stimulates them into action, which in turn leads them to victory.
The basic flaw in their thinking is orientational. They think that something outside themselves can "do it for them." They often have the subliminal impression that somewhere in the world is a magic key, and this key unlocks a door through which they can pass. Sometimes I like to call this "the IT in shining armor." And, like the maiden who sings, "Some day my prince will come…" this person can almost hear, "Some day my IT will come," which will take them to the promised land.
If you actually thought that something outside yourself could change your life, give you purpose, give you direction, energy, and momentum, of course you would set off on a mission to find that special something. Who wouldn't?
The trouble is that this something isn't there. It's a mirage. It doesn't exist.
Nothing outside yourself, in and of itself, can make you happy.
So, if you're looking for that right IT in shining armor, you will have a long wait.”

I know I’ve gone through bouts thinking that “IT” would suddenly turn my life around…all I had to do was reach “IT”. I’m sure many of you have gone through the same thing.

Mr. Fritz goes on to discuss “Passion” and how it relates to “Desire”.

“Today, people talk about passion in very confusing ways. "Find what you're passionate about!" oft comes the advice. "Put passion in your life and in your work!" we hear espoused. "Find your passion!" is preached. "Follow your passion!" is proclaimed. The way passion is talked about, one gets the impression that passion is something that is found, adopted, and followed. The way the word is expressed suggests the state of excitement that thrills and electrifies us with rapture and inspiration. Passion, in this context, is about emotion, fire, animation and feeling.
This type of passion, like inspiration, it is a temporary phenomenon. As all artists know, inspiration and passion have their moments, and then the moment passes. What do you do on days you are not inspired if all you can do is feed off of inspiration? What do you do on days that you are not in the throws of passion if all you can do is respond to passion? In creating your life as art, one thing we can learn from artists, writers, composers, choreographers, and filmmakers is this: Inspiration comes in rare moments, and the creative process is not about inspiration. Creators know very well how to work on the many, many days when they are not inspired nor filled with passion. The source of their motivation to create doesn't come from any particular experience they happen to be having, but from the true desire to bring a work to completion.
The advice to "follow your passion" fails on days when the passion passes.”

How many times have we had someone say to us or post on one of these entrepreneurial boards that they “Want to start a business or sell a product but they don’t know where to begin?”—And you know what the typical answer is right? “Follow your passion!” This is why we bounce from project to project from one business start to another—Our passion wanes. If we only “Create” (the word Mr. Fritz uses) when we have passion for something, no wonder our business ventures are no more than haphazard attempts. We just can’t seem to make the creation last through completion. Instead of passion (Mr. Fritz believes) we need to find our “True Desires” and build our life around those.

“We are human beings, and so we have this funny thing about us. We are inconsistent. We seem to want one thing one moment, and something entirely different the next. For the most part, people are convinced that they shouldn't be inconsistent. Being inconsistent means you are a flake, a hypocrite, a weak-willed impotent nincompoop. But the fact is we are inconsistent.
Sometimes is doesn't matter that we are inconsistent. So what if sometimes we like rock and other times we would rather listen to classical? So what if sometimes we want to see the latest cinematic epic, and other times we are in the mood for a romantic comedy? Variety is the spice of life, it is said, and our ability to enjoy many different experiences is a stroke of luck.
But when it comes to creating our lives, inconsistency can be a scourge to our plans. We can't gorge on McDonalds in the middle of our health regime.
How are we to understand our shifting desires?
Some desires are not really desires at all, but are products of compensating strategies a person may have. Let's say that you had the belief that you were worthless. You may develop the notion that you needed to create a sense of worth. And, once this counterbalancing ideal of creating worth becomes a factor, you may find that you want to do things you think are worthwhile.
Because of the structure, and the compensations that it generates, you may have an experience of desire -- in this case the desire to be a worthwhile person. Perhaps you begin to do volunteer work, or you contribute to worthwhile charities, or you spend time with a friend in need. These actions may seem motivated by a desire to help. But it is not a true desire; rather it is a synthetic desire which is generated by the structure itself.
The test of a true desire is that it is self-generated. It is not a product of anything external. A true desire is independent from the circumstances you happen to be in. You would still have this desire, even if the circumstances changed. I have given the name Dynamic Urge to describe the human trait of having desires that are a product of the person, him or herself, and not an outcome of anything else.”

The following passage is a very key point explaining why just knowing what your “True Desires” are isn’t enough.

“Within the dynamic urge, desire comes in different forms or frames. The best way to describe these frames is to imagine a video camera. If the video camera were shooting an extreme close-up, details would fill the screen. If we moved the camera backed to what's know as a medium shot, we would be able to see shapes and patterns and understand the relationship of elements to each other within the picture. If we backed up even further to an extreme long shot, we would lose any sense of detail and perhaps not even know what we were looking at.
Think of these three different types of camera positions as a way of framing what we are considering.
Using this metaphor, the extreme close-up shot on the level of dynamic urge is appetites, instincts, impulses.
In this close-up view of the dynamic urge, desire calls for quick gratification. Those things that cannot be resolved quickly are hard to accomplish. The person develops an intolerance for ongoing states of structural tension that comes from the discrepancy between longer-range goals and the current situation in relationship to those goals. Therefore, the person is unable to support longer-term projects. A person who is focused from the close-up vantage point cannot easily build a business, compose a symphony, direct a film, develop a product, manage a team of people, grow a garden, or write a novel. Projects that demand sustained development over time are not within these people’s natural reach.
But we can change the frame. As a camera can move from a close-up to a medium shot, we can back up, see from a broader vantage point, and the dynamic urge is refocused. What becomes dominant within the dynamic urge are two of the most important factors that can shape our lives as creators. They are aspirations and values.
As we back up to a medium shot, our sense of time broadens. We can conceive in longer time frames: Weeks, months, years, decades and even beyond. Our highest aspirations often take time to create and maintain. Not only was Rome not built in a day, neither are careers, organizations, mastery of various skills, and even relationships. When people have a low tolerance for living with structural tension, and they have a high need to gratify desires immediately, they cannot even begin to think in terms of aspirations that need time to develop. But, as we begin to consider longer-term objectives, we are able to appreciate the fact that many good things take time, and we are motivated to take the time they need. We are not tempted to attempt to move toward quick gratification, which would not serve creating our goals.”

He then talks about why a “long-range” view (or frame) doesn’t work either.

“If we back up the camera to the long shot, we find the focus becomes soft and fuzzy. It’s hard to make out what we’re looking at. In the frame of the dynamic urge, we have entered the land of vague hopes and longings.
We all know people who have vague hopes about what they will do someday -- write the great novel, travel to Tahiti and paint, invent a computer program that will transform the way we understand mathematics, move to the country to live the simple life.
Time, for these people, is very long indeed. So long that their goals are in a distant future. So long that they have trouble organizing around these notions. And the hopes and longings are so unclear that they don’t exactly know what they want.
These longings are real. But they are not focused enough. It is hard to aim for these targets because they are too far away.”

In the article Mr. Fritz gives some insight on how you can change your frame or view from “short” or “long” to the “medium”.

Does this whole thing make sense? To me it does. You combine someone that creates strictly on “passion” with a short-range view and you have someone that starts projects willy-nilly and never finishing. They jump on the latest money-making scheme not because they are following their true desires but because of their much more shallow ‘seeing and wanting’ desires. Unless you take the medium range view of your life you’ll never be able to focus on creating the projects that will satisfy your true desires.

Take care,

Mike Winicki




The newest excerpt from Robert Fritz