Dien Rice
January 8, 2016, 06:20 AM
(I was told by Gordon that I could post this here)
I have a 1/2 page dietary supplement ad for a newspaper.
It's a "brain health" product that utilizes a relatively popular formula, but the product is private labeled for me.
This is the current headline:
Struggling with Memory- Many Choose “Miracle” Brain Pill
And this is the current subhead:
“UCLA Doctor Says Improve Your Gut Health To Clear Brain Fog, Boost Memory and Feel Youthful”
The headline and subhead do not seem to match.
My goal with the headline to not go over 8 words in length.
My goal with the subhead is to try working in some sort of USP/Proof/Credibility angle with a deadline.
Any smart people here want to take a stab at this?
Hmm...
It seems to me you might do better starting with the word "Memory" than with the word "Struggling"...
E.g. Memory Problems? Many Choose “Miracle” Brain Pill
I say this because you want your headline to "call out" to people who feel they have memory problems. I think they're more likely to notice the word "Memory" if it is the 1st word of the headline, rather than the 3rd word...
In your subheadline, I think it would be better to put the Memory benefit in the first place, or the last place, rather than the middle... e.g.
“UCLA Doctor Says Improve Your Gut Health To Boost Memory, Clear Brain Fog, and Feel Youthful”
or
“UCLA Doctor Says Improve Your Gut Health To Clear Brain Fog, Feel Youthful and Boost Memory”
I say this because your headline calls out to people with memory problems. In a list, I've read people remember most the first item and the last item, so you draw attention to memory more if you put it first or last in the list, rather than in the middle...
Also in the sub-head, I think if you have something like...
“UCLA Doctor Shows How To Improve Your Gut Health To Boost Memory, Clear Brain Fog, and Feel Youthful”
I think saying that the doctor "shows how to" do this could induce more curiosity... It promises that if they read further, they will find out "how" they can do it themselves...
Well, those are some thoughts...! Could be worth testing... :)
Best wishes,
Dien
I have a 1/2 page dietary supplement ad for a newspaper.
It's a "brain health" product that utilizes a relatively popular formula, but the product is private labeled for me.
This is the current headline:
Struggling with Memory- Many Choose “Miracle” Brain Pill
And this is the current subhead:
“UCLA Doctor Says Improve Your Gut Health To Clear Brain Fog, Boost Memory and Feel Youthful”
The headline and subhead do not seem to match.
My goal with the headline to not go over 8 words in length.
My goal with the subhead is to try working in some sort of USP/Proof/Credibility angle with a deadline.
Any smart people here want to take a stab at this?
Hmm...
It seems to me you might do better starting with the word "Memory" than with the word "Struggling"...
E.g. Memory Problems? Many Choose “Miracle” Brain Pill
I say this because you want your headline to "call out" to people who feel they have memory problems. I think they're more likely to notice the word "Memory" if it is the 1st word of the headline, rather than the 3rd word...
In your subheadline, I think it would be better to put the Memory benefit in the first place, or the last place, rather than the middle... e.g.
“UCLA Doctor Says Improve Your Gut Health To Boost Memory, Clear Brain Fog, and Feel Youthful”
or
“UCLA Doctor Says Improve Your Gut Health To Clear Brain Fog, Feel Youthful and Boost Memory”
I say this because your headline calls out to people with memory problems. In a list, I've read people remember most the first item and the last item, so you draw attention to memory more if you put it first or last in the list, rather than in the middle...
Also in the sub-head, I think if you have something like...
“UCLA Doctor Shows How To Improve Your Gut Health To Boost Memory, Clear Brain Fog, and Feel Youthful”
I think saying that the doctor "shows how to" do this could induce more curiosity... It promises that if they read further, they will find out "how" they can do it themselves...
Well, those are some thoughts...! Could be worth testing... :)
Best wishes,
Dien
