How To Be Charismatic?

[Dien Rice]

Originally Posted by Ankesh

I think this would be a good topic to discuss:

Can we become more charismatic than we are?

If yes - how can we become more charismatic?

Any thoughts?

Hi Ankesh,

Great topic!

When I was a teenager, I read Dale Carnegie's famous book, "How to win friends and influence people". The main thing I remember from that book is to ask about people's interests. So I tried doing that... The danger is that it can turn into an "interview"! E.g.

Me: "What are your hobbies?"
Other person: "Oh, I like to listen to music, and I like watching movies."
Me: "Oh, what kind of movies do you like to watch?"
Other person: "I like science fiction movies."
Me: "Oh, which science fiction movies do you like the most?"
etc. etc.

However, if you can find something in common, then it works out! E.g.

Other person: "Oh, I like horseback riding, growing orchids, and watching martial arts movies."
Me: "Oh! I love martial arts movies too! Do you have a favorite?"
etc. etc.

Anyway, I don't know if it's "charismatic", but this does make it "easier" to talk to people... Find out their interests, and then try to talk about what interests them (especially if you discover you have a shared interest in common)...

Also, when I was single and in my 20s (and I'm not sure I should admit this!), I read a book called "Intimate Connections" by David D. Burns. It's a book about "finding a loving partner". He gave some basic advice, like dress well, try not to stay unbathed for too many days in a row, that kind of thing.

However, another piece of advice he gave was to give genuine compliments. That is, to find something you can genuinely compliment in somebody else, and then tell it to them. I've found that practically everybody has at least some good traits, which you can compliment them on once you get to know them a little bit. It felt "strange" at first, but over time it becomes more natural...

The key is to make sure that your compliments are truly genuine, something you really do like about the person. For example, you can say things like... "Wow, that's a nice top you're wearing, you really look good in it"... "You're a sharp guy, I love your ideas"... "Well, you're not afraid to speak your mind, that takes courage"... (I thought of real people I know when I wrote each of these compliments, so they are all actually genuine.)

Anyway, as long as you keep it genuine, it's cool. You're not lying - you're telling the truth - and you're simply sharing that truth with that person. Of course, everybody loves to feel that they are loved and appreciated.

Also, everyone loves to laugh. Being funny, I think, also helps a lot with charisma. One guy I know is very talented in telling funny stories about his past experiences. At any gathering, he's usually the "life of the party" and has everyone laughing so hard they can't breathe. I think that's a kind of charisma too!

Ankesh, I look forward to hearing your ideas later on too!

Cheers

Dien

P.S. I've always been a big fan of Ankesh's ideas... You should check out his websites, one of them is here... http://www.ankeshkothari.com ... You'll discover, for example, "How To Get Smart People To Send You Cool Goodies For Free", and other cool stuff. I don't get a dime from saying this.