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I Waved At a Pretty Woman and She Knelt At My Table
Thanks for Mentioning me Gordon,
I Don't Think So.
HAD a FEELING and Ambled over to Sowpub.
I Test Copywriting Persuasion By 10 Different Billionaires
FACE to FACE and Am Getting WACKY RESULTS.
Just Wrote this before Visiting Your Site.
This is the First Time We’ve Ever Had a Lady Kneel at our Table In a Restaurant At Lunch.
Lydia Knelt on the Carpet to Introduce us to Her Tiny White Poodle, “Twinkle.”
The Restaurant DOES Not Allow Dogs. So She Had Smuggled the Little Mutt inside hidden in her Big Purse.
Lydia was Telling us How She Knocks Men Down When They Don’t Open The Door for Her.
I Jumped Right In to say, “I Open Doors for Women RELIGIOUSLY. Even Though Women Sometimes Get Mad At Me.”
Lydia Looked up at me from The Carpet Approvingly.
I Figured I Better Put My WHITE KNIGHT ON A HORSE Credentials out there FAST!
Next She Turned to The Young woman Back at her Table. And Said, “Put mine in my Purse.”
Later We Discovered She Had Ordered “All You Can Eat Shrimp” and Was Stuffing it in her Purse Instead of eating it.
Still on Her Knees She Told us She Had Not Eaten a Bite.
Lydia Told us About the Manic Depression in Her Family. Three Generations Back on her Mothers side.
And Her Fathers Brilliant Business Savvy. Except when He Got Committed to a Psychiatric Hospital.
I Kept Nodding.
BUT ATE FASTER.
We Learned About a Relative in Washington D.C. Making ooodles of money as an Attorney. Black Belt in Karate. “He Can Kick Your Ass.”
Lydia says, “I don’t Carry A Gun. I have a Terrible Temper. I haven’t Killed Anybody Yet. I am Very Proud of that.
I was Suprprised to Find Out Her Husband Cheated on Her.
So She Divorced him.
The poor man is still In Love With Her. Calls her Every Day. So She Blackmailed him into Buying a 85 Inch TV for the Dog.
We Learned — Twinkle Has her own Room. Won’t Sleep on any mattress except Queen Size. And Lydia Is Now Shopping for a Larger TV — for Hubbie to Buy Her — to Go In Lydia’s Bedroom.
Both Ladies Purses Full.
Lydia is still talking. But Flags Down The Waitress to Ask for Two Take Home Boxes. The Waitress Informs Her She is Cut Off. Not allowed to Take Food Home.
Lydia Stands up and Keeps Talking, “I know who killed Princess Diana. One of my Relatives Works for a Secret Branch of The Gummnt. Gave me the Inside Track on her Murder.”
DEAR READER — I Know You are concerned. Lydia put Shrimp in the Same Purse the Dog was In. But Lydia had that covered. She put the Shrimp in plastic Bags First.
AND You May Ask, “How Did You Escape?”
Lydia Said She LOVED Talking to us So much She Wanted to Give Us Her Phone #. Got a Pen and Postcard out of her Purse. Wrote her Cell Phone # down. Then Handed it to me. Made us Promise to Call.
Suddenly The Manager Showed Up.
Lydia Got Distracted by Questions about Her Dog. Not Practicing Social Distancing. None of us were Wearing Masks While eating. And The Issue of Taking Food Home. Taking Advantage of the ALL YOU CAN EAT Menu Offer.
We Paid and Walked Out.
Lydia’s Phone #?
Accidentally Got Torn Into Little Pieces.
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